On Forgiveness...

[Edward]

How can one be sure that they have forgiven someone for wronging them? My sons have wronged me in a big way by stealing from me, and I understand that material things mean nothing on this planet or in the next, but I keep reading that if we do not forgive others then we will not be forgiven. This worries me.

Just about the time that I have worked through it and forgiven them...they will do something else to me and frustrate me. It makes me wonder if deep down in my heart if I have truly forgiven them. It sort of worries me. I want to forgive them completely, but it can be hard when they continue to be untrustworthy...

Thoughts?

 

[hallowbonnie]

I understand what your dealing with because I deal with the same thing well as far as there are days I have to reforgive my dad and stepmom for abandoning me in my darkest time of life.They are very materialistic and look down their nose at me ever since I had to leave my cheating ex.I lost my husband and home and all of a sudden there goes the only thing Ive known as family since I was small.Twice a year they call me to come see them ,they will not come see me and even when I do manage to hold myself together enough to go they are completely indifferent to my presence and cold.This past january I went and i cried the entire time in their guest bedroom and could not wait til the next morning to come back home.When I came back home to my moms(whom Ive had a relationship with only since about 18) she made me promise i would not go anymore because my eyes were bloodshot .I finally promised myself I would not go back.Its just healthy to form those boundaries because its complete torture for me but of course I want to keep forgiveness so I can heal and move on but at the same time I have to protect my heart.

 

[jay55]

Edward,
Sounds to me like you are definitely doing ok with respect to forgiveness.

 

[Edward]

I don't know jay, I don't feel as well disposed towards them as I did before all of that happened. I'm not sure if it is unforgiveness, or simply a mistrust which is different. There can be forgiveness without trust, but eternity is a long time brother.

That's a touchy situation hallowbonnie. Protect yourself at all costs and perhaps staying away is the best thing at least for now so that you wont keep getting all the old feelings stirred up again. I think it would be easier that way. In my case my one son still lives here so there is no where to get away from it too.

 

[for_his_glory]

You are not a door mat to your children that they can take what is yours without asking first as I am sure you have worked hard for what you do have. Even though you have forgiven their actions there also has to be some serious discipline on your part for them to stop stealing from you. Not sure how old they are, but even though you forgive them even to seventy times seven there has to be a point in time where this stealing needs to stop. Don't worry that you haven't truly forgiven them as I am sure you have, but when it's done to you over and over again it does make it hard to forgive.

 

[Edward]

You are not a door mat to your children that they can take what is yours without asking first as I am sure you have worked hard for what you do have. Even though you have forgiven their actions there also has to be some serious discipline on your part for them to stop stealing from you. Not sure how old they are, but even though you forgive them even to seventy times seven there has to be a point in time where this stealing needs to stop. Don't worry that you haven't truly forgiven them as I am sure you have, but when it's done to you over and over again it does make it hard to forgive.

That is indeed the problem. To what extent do I allow it to continue, and how harsh should be my response. Material things are nothing, it will all burn anyway. (they are 27&28). I find myself on the fine line of discipline. I am to be meek and humble and set the example of walking in love, and yet, know very well that I should not let myself be a doormat. I wonder if I have hidden within my soul, a bit of unforgiveness. A dangerous thing for one who is working out his salvation with fear and trembling. I understand that my childrens souls are much more valuable than any material object. If I take the discipline too far, they will flee and perhaps be lost forever, and yet, if I take the high road so to speak, then I could be taken advantage of...

I have no problem with tough love or being tough on them. The tough part is being sure that I hide not unforgiveness within me, and walking in an acceptable manner of love...

 

[for_his_glory]

I'm sure you love your boys and I know in your heart you have forgiven them, but there is an amount of justified anger towards their actions and it's the actions that need to be corrected. When they steal from you it might be a thought to take away something of theirs for a time and hold onto it until they understand it is not right to steal from others and then give it back. See how they like it when their items are taken away from them. Just a thought!!!

 

[Christ_empowered]

That's rough, man. I don't have kids, so I can't really advise too much. As a Baby Christian, all I can come up with is that you should definitely pray and see where God leads you with this one. If you're too hard on them, that might be the end of that relationship. If you're too nice and perceived as soft and a door mat, well...good luck with that.

I'll pray for you and your kids.

 

[Edward]

Yep. You have a good handle on the situation. I pray for them to be drawn to the Lord. They have such strong spirits, they would be good servants of the Lord.

I might be getting through to my older son. I try to walk in love around him. I tell him that I pray for him and witness to him very much. The day before yesterday he asked for me to pray for him!

 

[for_his_glory]

Edward that's great about your oldest that he has asked for prayer. I too am praying this is a true beginning of him searching for Jesus and the rest will eventually follow as you show them that unconditional love.

 

[Danus]

How can one be sure that they have forgiven someone for wronging them? ...

Thoughts?

When we can wish peace for them and mean it.


I think what Jesus meant when he said we are to forgive others as we have been forgiven, is that the wrong we feel towards others is nothing compared to our own sin against God, yet He forgives us. If we do not see ourselves as wrong to God, then I think we miss the value of His forgiveness, but if we understand the value of His forgiveness to us, we can know the value of forgiving others. That is why we are not forgiven if we can't forgive others. It's not in retribution for our not forgiving as much as it is in knowing we are forgiven. But, to know we are forgiven is to know our own need for forgiveness.

 

[Edward]

Edward that's great about your oldest that he has asked for prayer. I too am praying this is a true beginning of him searching for Jesus and the rest will eventually follow as you show them that unconditional love.

Thank you, they need it. I would ask everyone reading this thread to pray for my kids. Deen & Tomasz. Good idea, for_his_glory! Ha! I don't know why I didn't think of that before, getting others to pray for them also. (grin)

When we can wish peace for them and mean it.


I think what Jesus meant when he said we are to forgive others as we have been forgiven, is that the wrong we feel towards others is nothing compared to our own sin against God, yet He forgives us. If we do not see ourselves as wrong to God, then I think we miss the value of His forgiveness, but if we understand the value of His forgiveness to us, we can know the value of forgiving others. That is why we are not forgiven if we can't forgive others. It's not in retribution for our not forgiving as much as it is in knowing we are forgiven. But, to know we are forgiven is to know our own need for forgiveness.

Good answer brother. Something good to ponder over coffee. Makes sense too.