Christ_empowered
Member
- Oct 23, 2010
- 14,242
- 10,724
I'm blessed. Most people like me--raised in working class families, mentally ill, history of substance abuse, labeled a "trouble maker" by shrinks, electroshocked, etc.--are either dead or somehow "dealt with" by society. Me? I'm 31. I'm apparently Bipolar I w/psychotic stuff thrown in there (not as scary as it sounds...I get mild psychosis when severely depressed). A lot of my "disability" comes from punitive, sadistic shrinks back in the day. Turns out...when it comes to Mental Health, Inc., you get about as much compassion as you can afford. Back then, my once working class people were "rinky dink middle class" (other peoples' words, not mine), so...I got doped to the gills and shocked. :-(
But that's not what I'm asking prayer for; that's just a lil intro, lol. I've been paranoid lately. Ever since I moved back to this area 4ish years ago, and definitely since I had to move back in with my parents 3 years ago, right after getting (genuinely) saved, people have been messing with me. "Prison," "warrants," "put him on work detail," etc. One reason I moved in with my parents: I was arrested and charged with a felony. Long story, but...I was going to be railroaded. Happens to "uppity mental patients." My parents--who are now apparently "comfortable" in terms of social class, whatever that means--hired a good lawyer. I now have a (serious) misdemeanor and a loooong time on probation.
So, people keep messing with me. Now they're saying "probation violation" and "it'll all be over soon" and "get ready for prison." There's a lot going on here...I was supposed to be dead by 23, my parents have recently "moved up in the world" in a neighborhood that despises me, my parents have recently forgiven me for...well, for who I was before Christ saved me...so, yeah; there's a lot going on here. Thing is...
well, when you wake up in the AM and you hear people saying this stuff, then you hear it at night, sometimes they'll yell loud enough for me to hear through my MP3 on the porch or as I move between songs....its gets to me. I was pumping gas the other day, and I thought I heard somebody talking about it, too. Of course...these same people yell at me about "felony," "public defender," etc. They also yell at me about "Schizophrenia," which gets frustrating (for the record, I don't think I'm "too good" to have Schizophrenia, but I do think the Schizophrenia label is more stigmatizing than the Bipolar I label, which is probably why it gets applied to "trouble makers" so often...).
So, yes...please pray about that. And then there's my future. I'm (Praise God!) at school online and doing (miraculously) well. Not always easy going (yeah...did I mention the heavy shock treatments, lol), but its definitely been worthwhile. I'm blessed that I came in w/ about 70 credits, so that's been a huge help, too. Anyway...the end of my program draws nigh, and now it hits: what to do? I can't teach, I can't work in the health professions, and getting another degree so I could counsel (sometimes, "mental patients" become counselors) seems...not so much a good idea. In theory, yes, awesome, but...in my (limited) experience, good counselors are the exception to the rule. I don't want to be in a field where doing my job well makes me the odd man out.
So...there is an online degree program in writing. I write well. Its strange...after the shock, there came a point where I started writing and writing and writing and now...I have a work-able writing style. I dunno. When I get feedback on my written assignments, I get kudos for the style of my writing, the flow and such. I'm not trying to brag...I think God blessed me with something I've long wanted, and now its up to me to use it. I can use it simply for continuing to do well on papers and other assignments (which is a HUGE blessing, believe me, especially considering where I was even a couple years ago), or maybe I could try to take it a couple steps further.
I dunno. Its like...I lived on the fringe, barely in society, for a while, and now...well, I'm blessed my people love me and take good care of me. They have gone above and beyond, and I'm blessed. I'm also at the point where I can see that, honestly....being severely mentally in the US is really decidedly un-fun. Get a job, you're the "crazy." Stay on disability, you're "lazy" and "just a mental patient." Ouch. But, hey; The Lord loves me, and that's more than enough.
But that's not what I'm asking prayer for; that's just a lil intro, lol. I've been paranoid lately. Ever since I moved back to this area 4ish years ago, and definitely since I had to move back in with my parents 3 years ago, right after getting (genuinely) saved, people have been messing with me. "Prison," "warrants," "put him on work detail," etc. One reason I moved in with my parents: I was arrested and charged with a felony. Long story, but...I was going to be railroaded. Happens to "uppity mental patients." My parents--who are now apparently "comfortable" in terms of social class, whatever that means--hired a good lawyer. I now have a (serious) misdemeanor and a loooong time on probation.
So, people keep messing with me. Now they're saying "probation violation" and "it'll all be over soon" and "get ready for prison." There's a lot going on here...I was supposed to be dead by 23, my parents have recently "moved up in the world" in a neighborhood that despises me, my parents have recently forgiven me for...well, for who I was before Christ saved me...so, yeah; there's a lot going on here. Thing is...
well, when you wake up in the AM and you hear people saying this stuff, then you hear it at night, sometimes they'll yell loud enough for me to hear through my MP3 on the porch or as I move between songs....its gets to me. I was pumping gas the other day, and I thought I heard somebody talking about it, too. Of course...these same people yell at me about "felony," "public defender," etc. They also yell at me about "Schizophrenia," which gets frustrating (for the record, I don't think I'm "too good" to have Schizophrenia, but I do think the Schizophrenia label is more stigmatizing than the Bipolar I label, which is probably why it gets applied to "trouble makers" so often...).
So, yes...please pray about that. And then there's my future. I'm (Praise God!) at school online and doing (miraculously) well. Not always easy going (yeah...did I mention the heavy shock treatments, lol), but its definitely been worthwhile. I'm blessed that I came in w/ about 70 credits, so that's been a huge help, too. Anyway...the end of my program draws nigh, and now it hits: what to do? I can't teach, I can't work in the health professions, and getting another degree so I could counsel (sometimes, "mental patients" become counselors) seems...not so much a good idea. In theory, yes, awesome, but...in my (limited) experience, good counselors are the exception to the rule. I don't want to be in a field where doing my job well makes me the odd man out.
So...there is an online degree program in writing. I write well. Its strange...after the shock, there came a point where I started writing and writing and writing and now...I have a work-able writing style. I dunno. When I get feedback on my written assignments, I get kudos for the style of my writing, the flow and such. I'm not trying to brag...I think God blessed me with something I've long wanted, and now its up to me to use it. I can use it simply for continuing to do well on papers and other assignments (which is a HUGE blessing, believe me, especially considering where I was even a couple years ago), or maybe I could try to take it a couple steps further.
I dunno. Its like...I lived on the fringe, barely in society, for a while, and now...well, I'm blessed my people love me and take good care of me. They have gone above and beyond, and I'm blessed. I'm also at the point where I can see that, honestly....being severely mentally in the US is really decidedly un-fun. Get a job, you're the "crazy." Stay on disability, you're "lazy" and "just a mental patient." Ouch. But, hey; The Lord loves me, and that's more than enough.
