Post Partum Depression

[jillian.h]

Hello,
So, i'll start by giving a little back ground here... one year ago, Jan of '09 i found out i was pregnant 1 week after i got engaged. So we got married in May and in October we had our baby. Ever since we had her, my husbands been really upset and angry all the time, i've caught him planning to cheat on me and stuff. More recently i've discovered that he no longer loves me, and more surprisingly, doesnt love our baby. I've read that guys can also have post partum depression. I didnt have any at all, except my husband kind of made me depressed by the way he treated me, but thats completely different. But i think he might have post partum depression. He hasnt really talked to me for the past few days, and he's been sleeping on the couch lately. And he really tries to avoid our baby at all costs. Its really hard for me. And i really dont know what to do. I cant talk to him, cuz when i do he just gets even more mad. I think we need to go to marriage councelling too, but he isnt interested in doing that. I dont know what to do anymore. I dont know what to do if he does have PPD either. Help?

 

[tim-from-pa]

Sorry to hear of your plight. It is heartbreaking. If a woman has PPD, then we can assume it's often physical and may be nutritionally related. In your husband's case, I get the gut feeling that he simply was not ready to be a father and all this came on him too soon. There is probably a spiritual, psychological and physical component to his depression, and most likely from the sounds of it all 3. So, there's no need to over-analyze and give it labels such as Postpartum Depression--- in other words, had some other major even happened in your lives, he'd be depressed about that as well, so it goes much beyond baby and you.

As for a solution, in all honesty, you won't get an answer here. It's way too complicated and this has to be sorted all out, most likely professionally. If he's willing to at least try, then there's hope, but then again you have to face the fact there may not be if he's just not into trying to resolve the issue. Maybe I'm showing my age, but let this be a lesson to all who read the importance of saving all this for marriage, AND after a reasonably long engagement where the couple can get to know each other. Patience in a relationship is the key--- not rushing into things. This stuff breaks my heart and I really feel for you.

 

[jillian.h]

Yah, that kind of makes sense. But i dont think its because he wasnt ready to have a child, because he already has a 2 yr old daughter. And he was totally fine when he had her.

 

[tim-from-pa]

Yah, that kind of makes sense. But i dont think its because he wasnt ready to have a child, because he already has a 2 yr old daughter. And he was totally fine when he had her.

Sounds like it's getting a little complicated. I take it that when you said, 'he' and not 'we' that this daughter is with another woman. Oh, what a tangled web that can get weaved. Again, I wish you the best and at least you now know some things to avoid. Remember to read and study your bible. I found over the years that every question on life is answered there. Blessings.

 

[jillian.h]

thanks so much Tim

 

[jmespinosa]

It could also be that maybe he wasn't expecting it so soon since he does have another child. He might have wanted more alone time with you and don't feel like he is getting enough of your time. Try going on a date with him. You do not know how much that will help. It might be something you can do. Even if you can see if someone can watch the baby for a few hours and make a dinner at home. Make it about him though. His favorite food, if you go to do something or see a movie make it something he would enjoy as long as it is still Godly. That is what we do. When I plan our date nights it's all about him so he knows how much he really means to me even if it is a movie I really don't want to see at all I will because it's all about him. Vice Versa for me.