Christ_empowered
Member
I've been weirdly down lately (what me, get down? HA!). Its like...I doubt that I'll ever get a job, that I'll ever have friends, that I'll ever fully recover from "Bipolar Disorder," that I'll...you get the picture.
Truth is, salvation doesn't necessarily come with guarantees. I get that now. I believed upon Christ and God forgave me and opened up a line of much needed communication. That alone is huge. Everything else that has followed--my remarkable physical health, the return of my intelligence, my growing normalcy--is remarkable, but secondary. Also, its temporary, I get that now. Life is but a vapor, so while its great to be healthy (and not prematurely aged, praise God!), increasingly normal, smart, all that, its not forever, just like my former state of wretchedness wasn't eternal, either. There's more beyond life here on earth, I get that now.
But...I'm 30, almost 31. It'd be nice to get a job, to use the degree I'm working on, to be a member of a community, somewhere. To not hear voices directly related to my past and what I've been subjected to (could have been far worse, of course).
My friend, Verna--who, btw, got a surprisingly good report from her doc yesterday, thanks for your prayers--tells me I'll have a job one day. That I won't always have to receive pay outs from disability. I'd like to believe her, but...I dunno...sometimes, I wonder if I've been saved to help save my parents, so their lives won't be sad and miserable. That and to just have a life, you know? I complain a lot, I know, but...I have a much better life now than I ever did before, because of Christ. I'm not wretched and miserable, sick and prematurely aged, sinful and sad. It'd be nice to have a job, but on the other hand...I've been spared a lot of what working people go through. It'd be nice to have friends, but...I don't have to keep up appearances, or have Facebook "friends" who could actually care less.
As for careers...the only thing I can think of is counseling. I can get a graduate degree and then counsel, the one field in which people who once struggled with mental problems sometimes acceptance. Truth be told, mental health pros stigmatize at least as much as everybody else, but God has transformed me and...well, it always helps to come from a "good family," down here in the south (maybe everywhere? I just feel like people are more class conscious down here).
Blah blah blah...please pray that there's some kinda future for me and that I don't miss out on it. And pray for the other mentally ill people out there...its crazy. If you go off the rails in these United States, its over for you, usually. And shrinks are often part of the problem (OK, maybe that's not so surprising, lol).
Thanks
Truth is, salvation doesn't necessarily come with guarantees. I get that now. I believed upon Christ and God forgave me and opened up a line of much needed communication. That alone is huge. Everything else that has followed--my remarkable physical health, the return of my intelligence, my growing normalcy--is remarkable, but secondary. Also, its temporary, I get that now. Life is but a vapor, so while its great to be healthy (and not prematurely aged, praise God!), increasingly normal, smart, all that, its not forever, just like my former state of wretchedness wasn't eternal, either. There's more beyond life here on earth, I get that now.
But...I'm 30, almost 31. It'd be nice to get a job, to use the degree I'm working on, to be a member of a community, somewhere. To not hear voices directly related to my past and what I've been subjected to (could have been far worse, of course).
My friend, Verna--who, btw, got a surprisingly good report from her doc yesterday, thanks for your prayers--tells me I'll have a job one day. That I won't always have to receive pay outs from disability. I'd like to believe her, but...I dunno...sometimes, I wonder if I've been saved to help save my parents, so their lives won't be sad and miserable. That and to just have a life, you know? I complain a lot, I know, but...I have a much better life now than I ever did before, because of Christ. I'm not wretched and miserable, sick and prematurely aged, sinful and sad. It'd be nice to have a job, but on the other hand...I've been spared a lot of what working people go through. It'd be nice to have friends, but...I don't have to keep up appearances, or have Facebook "friends" who could actually care less.
As for careers...the only thing I can think of is counseling. I can get a graduate degree and then counsel, the one field in which people who once struggled with mental problems sometimes acceptance. Truth be told, mental health pros stigmatize at least as much as everybody else, but God has transformed me and...well, it always helps to come from a "good family," down here in the south (maybe everywhere? I just feel like people are more class conscious down here).
Blah blah blah...please pray that there's some kinda future for me and that I don't miss out on it. And pray for the other mentally ill people out there...its crazy. If you go off the rails in these United States, its over for you, usually. And shrinks are often part of the problem (OK, maybe that's not so surprising, lol).
Thanks
