[__ Prayer __] Prayer for severe PTSD

[AngelsAmongstUs]

Friends,

Putting in a trigger warning in case this kind of material may be upsetting to you. Do not read if you're sensitive to issues related to the abuse of women.

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

I've been suffering from severe PTSD for the past 5 years. In 2012 I was sexually assualted by a married man old enough to be my father (I'm 32 now and I have been mentally ill almost my whole life).

He was intensely drunk. Naturally he denied any wrongdoing. After I confided in a friend about what had happened, my attacker started acting like a terrifying sexual predator, posting nude and vulgar content on Facebook. They banned him in the end for more than a year on his main account, though he came back with different accounts. The guy also lost his job because of all this and left town with his wife, but he continued to abusive toward me online indirectly calling me a liar, a psychopath, and a "retard". His buddies stuck by him and threatened me with the court for lying, sending the police to my house with a warrant to appear in court for slandering their names. I was e-mailed, called, and texted with insults and threats until I no choice but to change all my information.

This old man can come off as very charming. He calls himself a Christian and acts like a pillar of the community, but I'll never get what he did to me out of my head.

In 2012 and 2013 I had the misfortune of being sexually abused by two other men. Again, married predators preying on a weak, vulnerable woman. I thought they loved me and all that. All they wanted was to misuse my body and take advantage of my kindness. Once the facade of the charming narcissist began to wear off, they also began to abuse me until I couldn't take it anymore and I broke loose.

To this day I can't sleep properly at night. I have a problem with an addiction to sleeping pills, for which I've been busted all over my whole town. No pharmacy except one will serve me and I'm not allowed to handle my own pills anymore, anyway. I've been in and out of mental hospitals more than I can count. I never had biological parents and I'm now almost totally anti-social due to all my fears. Once I ran away from home to the cemetery where my mother is buried, where the police was summoned to come get me.

Nobody's made any headway with me except my current psychiatrist, who is a lovely, kind, sensitive man. I don't know what his faith is, just that keeps a Bible in his office, so I trust him. I wish I wasn't in love with him, because I know he's with someone, but at least he's one of few who've shown confidence in me these years gone by.

My medication for depression is okay, but the angst and the PTSD... I haven't even been to Church in months because I don't trust people anymore. I do, however, sometimes go to a quiet nearby chapel to pray alone and vent to God where I won't be disturbed.

Most days I'm on the verge of crying. I find out where my meds are hidden and take sleeping pills when I shouldn't. Then at night I get panic attacks fearing another nasty text or e-mail or phone call. Those guys even rang my doorbell twice in 2013 in hopes of intimidating me, of course. I was home alone and fortunately we have a camera to see who's at the gate, so I just didn't answer. But it scared me and the thought of it happening again scares me even more.

I'm also in constant fear of them bullying me on social media again. This hasn't happened since February of this year, that I know of, but I'm paranoid now that they'll find a way to terrorize me again. Social media is almost my only way of keeping in touch with the few friends and family I have.

So I'd like to ask that you please pray for me. I don't trust the shrinks anymore (except the one I've mentioned), either, because I'm not an object to be dissected and analyzed. I'm a broken woman who needs God and at least He's sent me this one person who comforts me, but I'll be seeing this psychiatrist again only in six months' time.

Please pray that the awful men will stay away from me and respect women, stop being so arrogant, and see the right way to go. I'm a grown woman, but inside I'm a little girl and I'm severely disturbed. All that I want is peace, but I'm caught in the claws of addiction and fear, and I'm so tired of it. I didn't ask for any of it to happen to me and the law and people don't care. God is the only one who can heal me. Please pray... Thank you, and blessings.

 

[Eugene]

.
Dear Father, please come in with healing for this sister of ours in Christ. Give her the courage again to trust in Your word to overcome fear, show her how to use Your armor, and deliver her from the harassment she currently suffers. Thank You Father, and I give the praise for it in Jesus' name. Amen.

 

[Christ_empowered]

I can kinda "get" where you're coming from. Most of the shrinks I've dealt with were cruel. I was electroshocked (not voluntary) at age 20 and again at 23. The doctors "shared their opinions" with people about me and what should have been confidential info. So, as a result, the neighbors are now yelling nast things, sometimes sexual things at me, because I'm considered an "uppity mental patient," etc.

I don't like how shrinks deal with controlled substances. A shrink was giving me lots of amphetamines, by prescription. Then I was put in a hospital, and she said I got the prescriptions because I was so "manipulative," etc. She'd been a shrink for over 20 years; I was 20 years old. No matter. Blame the "patient," no matter what.

So now I'm still considered a "junkie" and a "pill head" even though I havent' abused drugs in 10 years and I haven't even had a controlled substance prescription in 8 years (a doctor gave me short term Klonopin following a nervous breakdown).

Darned if you, darned if you don't. There are apparently pictures floating around this small, southern town of me engaging in sodomy. Thing is...I never OK'd the pictures, and some of them may involve acts that weren't even consentual. No matter. The men involve matter, the shrinks have condemned me, yet again, and what I say is, at best, irrelevant (I've also been called a "pathological liar," etc. by the "professionals").

Jesus helps. He has already helped more than any doctor, any pill, any cocktail, any hospital. He is healing my relationship with my parents, which is a --Miracle-- in and of itself. I'm physically healthy and remarkably, miraculously smart enough for my goals, which isn't how things usually go with that much shock "treatment."

Rambling. I'll pray for you, of course. I'm glad your current psychiatrist is more compassionate and such. I'm sorry about the sleeping pills problem.

Just know that you're not the only one.

Praying

 

[Christ_empowered]

me again...I wanted to say that Jesus hears your prayers and can provide the strength and everything you need to move forward. I've been learning to lean more on Him because of my situation, and He has taken me further in 3 years 11 months than I'd gone in all 28 years before I got saved.

I pray He leads you to a meaningful, peaceful, quiet life.

 

[AngelsAmongstUs]

Christ_empowered:

I can relate to almost everything you've said. My doctors have also been snobbish with me about my condition, my treatment, and confidentiality. They treat me like I'm stupid, which I'm not. I have issues, but I know that I'm an intelligent person. They can be incredibly superior and ignorant. They prescribe you the stuff, then blame only you when it backfires. /end rant

Thank you very much for your prayers. I'm trying to stay strong.