[__ Prayer __] progress, concerns

[Christ_empowered]

back to volunteering soon. I'm thankful.

I am...concerned. A couple of night now, I've been awakened at 3-4 AM. Talking outside my window, a hard (HARD!) knock on the front door area...not fun. I have a security system. The security system automatically notifies the monitoring people if the front door alarm and a couple of others go off while I'm not there ("away" mode). And...

once, the cops came out. I forgot my "safe word" and the company called the cops. 2nd time it was a motion sensor on my back, enclosed patio. I forgot my safe word, but the cops called me and they didn't come out. Thing is...

I don't think it -- the outcast junk, the venom, all that -- is getting better. I don't...get it, I guess. I got saved lived barely above poverty, facing a felony. Ended up with a serious misdemeanor, probation. I've been off of probation for over 5 years, no further arrests. I'm healthy, surprisingly smart, normal, reconciled to my (loving, long suffering) parents, and...

I honestly, truly think this may just be how it goes, for me, here where I live. Can't complain too much. Parents are retired now. I'm the only off spring. They had very little money when I was little, then they were "respectable" professionals, middle-middle class. Now, they're upper class...---not--- rich, but upper class enough to have more or less the lifestyle I think they've always wanted, and keep me in modest, safe comfort. and...

thankful? Absolutely. I just get...concerned...because the venomous junk people say at me, about me, near me...but rarely to my face...

is frightening, at times. I should add that I live in my own safe, modest, rather nice place...thankfully owned outright by family. I mention this not because I'm awesome or to brag, but because...

its -huge- , from a security issue. Its ridiculously easy to find a way to evict people here. If I was renting, I'd probably be evicted. I don't do drugs, only the (serious) misdemeanor on the record, but...yeah. The other day, I was walking to my vehicle, and somebody was openly saying "can't they cut his power off?," and...

I don't get it. I do have the psych label (community wide label: "Schizophrenic" actual label: "high functioning Schizoaffective, bipolar type), but that's only part of the issue. I'm not mentioning all this to rehash and get emo or anything (LOL), but rather because...

its such a cruel world, and I think there's more of this...targeted destruction of vulnerable, low(er) status people...going on in today's society than anyone knows about. Almost 18 years ago, I was in a private, for profit mental hospital. They wanted to put me in a homeless shelter. Thankfully, mama nixed it. Truth? I'd just tested HIV+, and they apparently did excessive (and involuntary) shock treatments. Oh, and then my parents thankfully kept supporting me, I got physically and...wow, just --SICK-- at all levels...and they kept demanding more money and more money...no one did after care, no one did anything, and some people from the hospital (including a shrink) would publicly humiliate me.

"...more than a conqueror, in Christ Jesus..." I loop that one in my mind. I never was offered treatment for HIV+. never really could pursue it and now...healthy. no, really. At 38, I apparently look about 32. Not exactly the fountain of youth (if only!), but...wow. wow.

I keep mentioning this because there's good and bad going on in my simple, quiet, low key life. The volunteer job is at a non profit, and I won't be around people or dealing with the public. That's good both because I am reclusive (obvious question: who wouldn't be?) and because...

when I tried to do a volunteer position dealing with more people, people would walk by and say "I need to speak to his manager. He cannot be here..." and junk like that. blah. and...

my parents gave me tickets for a meal from a charity fundraiser. Paid $x, turn in to get a tasty, southern to go meal. So...I did go, and I did get the meals (tasty! southern!), but...

yeah, I caught static the moment I parked my vehicle and walked out of the parking lot (a nice volunteer lady told me about the drive up part, so thankfully I spent the rest of the time in my car, just waiting for those tasty meals...). ugh. -outcast-

Maybe I should just try to -stop- making sense of it? there's bad people and good people and in between people everywhere one goes. It just...boggles my mind, the levels of petty cruelty. "he spent xyz/grand..." "gold digger" "do anything for a prescription..."

and a lot of it (predictably?) isn't even true. It isn't all about the horrors of psychiatry, but...in -my own case- , the mental health industry did immense harm and about this much -0- actual good. I'm labeled in part because I made the mistake of going to "professionals," and...

ugh. God is Love. He's made good of a lot of that, already. Sorry to ramble, yet again, its just...

I've absolutely never been able to work and support myself. I couldn't even work little jobs for a bit of extra money without people making my life -miserable- , and now I see: yup, that was the "helping professions" at work. what fun!

i dunno. I just get...really, really sick and tired of it, sometimes. not angry and all, just...oh man, can I please -not- have this happening, somehow? But then again...

I've been -truly saved- for about 10 years now. And now that The Lord has seen fit to move mightily in my life...

I think it has more to do with God's work in my life being met with opposition than with my past sins, per se. I now wear decent clothes and live a modest, safe, law abiding lifestyle. Good, right? Yeah...about that...

evil world meets God's mercy on anybody= conflict. And this is how that conflict -- that probably pops up in any and every believer's life, at some levels -- is popping up in mine. I was in a local convenience store at night somewhat recently...some woman who was probably around my age (38) walked by and called me a "drug addict." I haven't done drugs in well over 10 years. I didn't know her. I live in basically Any Small City, USA...

billboard ads for opioid addiction treatment, people dying of ODs every day, all kinds of drugs and ex-drug abusers all over the place. So...what gives? -frustrating-

ok. I rambled, per usual, but...yeah. yeah. I do request prayer and maybe because I didn't grow up in a church that did that and then I was un-churched and now...blah blah blah...

Prayers are necessary and I appreciate them. I just...wish I could -not- have this level of nastiness, somehow? I -am- getting better at the "love thy enemies" command, at least a bit. Some lady in front of me in a line was going on and on about "how we feel about him" "welfare" and this other junk, and it was obvious from the declined cards and such...

she's having her own set of financial problems. Instead of the flesh reaction I might have had, I thought...she's frustrated, I'm an outcast, and this is the result of that combination. I don't mention that incident to get a pat on the back or anything, just...Jesus is working in my heart of hearts so I don't always go into victim mode or anger mode or...blah blah blah.

ok. and now...I'm finished. for now... thanks

 

[Christ_empowered]

I guess someone has a problem with me? More talk of work detail, hard BANG on my window at 5 am, he’s got felonies, all that junk. I think some of it is bound to happen because I was so ripped to shreds and now I’m healthy and normal and I have support from my parents. It’s what I think ? happens when an outcast is more in mainstream society. But….

I’ve been living here for 4 years. No arrests for nearly 10 years. No drugs or drinking. So that’s confusing.

 

[Edward]

I guess someone has a problem with me? More talk of work detail, hard BANG on my window at 5 am, he’s got felonies, all that junk. I think some of it is bound to happen because I was so ripped to shreds and now I’m healthy and normal and I have support from my parents. It’s what I think ? happens when an outcast is more in mainstream society. But….

I’ve been living here for 4 years. No arrests for nearly 10 years. No drugs or drinking. So that’s confusing.

Why? The Lord told you this would happen, so prophecy fulfilled. He released you from your bondage, saved you and pointed you the right direction on the path. So now you get to wander in the wilderness for 40 years and everyone you meet almost will hate you for your Lords sake. They hate you because they hated Him first.

So this stuff should not surprise you. Scripture tells you how to deal with it.

Matthew 5:44
44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;.../ KJV

I'm guessing that a lot of people who see you can see the light of God upon you, or at least can sense that there's something different about you. It must stir them up inside. could be a perceived awe or feelings of conviction or jealosy or anything that would push their buttons. Arent guys like you supposed to wind up od'd and dead or get locked up eventually? Your not playing by the rules man. WHat's that air about him now? geez he's doing better than I am now, dang!

And not knowing how to deal with the spiritual realities of life, they remain in bondage and ignorance to the power of God (who has lifted you up in this life a bit and saved you! Praise the Lord!!) lash out instead of confronting the condition of their own souls. You probably scare them because of this. You speak to them without speaking and it cuts into them, lol. It's not really you, it's the Holy Spirit working through you!

My advice? Keep these things in mind and when it happens and when someone yells something or bangs something...assist the Holy Spirit in His work, begin praying for them and blessing them. Even under your breath. This is about intent of your heart.

Don't get angry at these guys, nor fear them. The proper response of your heart in obediance to Jesus is compassion for these people. We do not war with flesh and blood but with evil spirits. SO it's not really their fault but all of the demonic oppression that they are under. So they need help right now just like you needed help at one time.

Don't be too surprised if the Holy Spirit might tell you to go witness to one of them some day! The Lord has told me to do things several times that I did not like or want to do. He loves to test us to our limits! But not more than we can bear! But if he tells you do do something then He will also equip you to do so and complete the task at hand.

Just cling tight to Him and don't lose your focus on the Lord! (Like Peter did when he was walking on water and then took his eyes off Jesus and began sinking immediately!)

 

[Christ_empowered]

Getting closer to Jesus Christ through this I think. Not to pat myself on the back. It’s part of the building of my faith.

 

[Edward]

Getting closer to Jesus Christ through this I think. Not to pat myself on the back. It’s part of the building of my faith.

And also the sanctification process and purification of the heart. I think you can kind of tell how pure your heart is by your response to stress situations. Do you get angry at them? Or do you have compassion for them? I tink in stress situations you act from the heart. If they ander you, then prolly still have a ways to go.

"Your enemy is never a villain in his own eye. Keep this in mind, it may offer a way to make him your friend. If not, you can kill him without hate--and quickly."

Lazarus Long (Lol)

 

[Christ_empowered]

True.

 

[Marianne333]

back to volunteering soon. I'm thankful.

I am...concerned. A couple of night now, I've been awakened at 3-4 AM. Talking outside my window, a hard (HARD!) knock on the front door area...not fun. I have a security system. The security system automatically notifies the monitoring people if the front door alarm and a couple of others go off while I'm not there ("away" mode). And...

once, the cops came out. I forgot my "safe word" and the company called the cops. 2nd time it was a motion sensor on my back, enclosed patio. I forgot my safe word, but the cops called me and they didn't come out. Thing is...

I don't think it -- the outcast junk, the venom, all that -- is getting better. I don't...get it, I guess. I got saved lived barely above poverty, facing a felony. Ended up with a serious misdemeanor, probation. I've been off of probation for over 5 years, no further arrests. I'm healthy, surprisingly smart, normal, reconciled to my (loving, long suffering) parents, and...

I honestly, truly think this may just be how it goes, for me, here where I live. Can't complain too much. Parents are retired now. I'm the only off spring. They had very little money when I was little, then they were "respectable" professionals, middle-middle class. Now, they're upper class...---not--- rich, but upper class enough to have more or less the lifestyle I think they've always wanted, and keep me in modest, safe comfort. and...

thankful? Absolutely. I just get...concerned...because the venomous junk people say at me, about me, near me...but rarely to my face...

is frightening, at times. I should add that I live in my own safe, modest, rather nice place...thankfully owned outright by family. I mention this not because I'm awesome or to brag, but because...

its -huge- , from a security issue. Its ridiculously easy to find a way to evict people here. If I was renting, I'd probably be evicted. I don't do drugs, only the (serious) misdemeanor on the record, but...yeah. The other day, I was walking to my vehicle, and somebody was openly saying "can't they cut his power off?," and...

I don't get it. I do have the psych label (community wide label: "Schizophrenic" actual label: "high functioning Schizoaffective, bipolar type), but that's only part of the issue. I'm not mentioning all this to rehash and get emo or anything (LOL), but rather because...

its such a cruel world, and I think there's more of this...targeted destruction of vulnerable, low(er) status people...going on in today's society than anyone knows about. Almost 18 years ago, I was in a private, for profit mental hospital. They wanted to put me in a homeless shelter. Thankfully, mama nixed it. Truth? I'd just tested HIV+, and they apparently did excessive (and involuntary) shock treatments. Oh, and then my parents thankfully kept supporting me, I got physically and...wow, just --SICK-- at all levels...and they kept demanding more money and more money...no one did after care, no one did anything, and some people from the hospital (including a shrink) would publicly humiliate me.

"...more than a conqueror, in Christ Jesus..." I loop that one in my mind. I never was offered treatment for HIV+. never really could pursue it and now...healthy. no, really. At 38, I apparently look about 32. Not exactly the fountain of youth (if only!), but...wow. wow.

I keep mentioning this because there's good and bad going on in my simple, quiet, low key life. The volunteer job is at a non profit, and I won't be around people or dealing with the public. That's good both because I am reclusive (obvious question: who wouldn't be?) and because...

when I tried to do a volunteer position dealing with more people, people would walk by and say "I need to speak to his manager. He cannot be here..." and junk like that. blah. and...

my parents gave me tickets for a meal from a charity fundraiser. Paid $x, turn in to get a tasty, southern to go meal. So...I did go, and I did get the meals (tasty! southern!), but...

yeah, I caught static the moment I parked my vehicle and walked out of the parking lot (a nice volunteer lady told me about the drive up part, so thankfully I spent the rest of the time in my car, just waiting for those tasty meals...). ugh. -outcast-

Maybe I should just try to -stop- making sense of it? there's bad people and good people and in between people everywhere one goes. It just...boggles my mind, the levels of petty cruelty. "he spent xyz/grand..." "gold digger" "do anything for a prescription..."

and a lot of it (predictably?) isn't even true. It isn't all about the horrors of psychiatry, but...in -my own case- , the mental health industry did immense harm and about this much -0- actual good. I'm labeled in part because I made the mistake of going to "professionals," and...

ugh. God is Love. He's made good of a lot of that, already. Sorry to ramble, yet again, its just...

I've absolutely never been able to work and support myself. I couldn't even work little jobs for a bit of extra money without people making my life -miserable- , and now I see: yup, that was the "helping professions" at work. what fun!

i dunno. I just get...really, really sick and tired of it, sometimes. not angry and all, just...oh man, can I please -not- have this happening, somehow? But then again...

I've been -truly saved- for about 10 years now. And now that The Lord has seen fit to move mightily in my life...

I think it has more to do with God's work in my life being met with opposition than with my past sins, per se. I now wear decent clothes and live a modest, safe, law abiding lifestyle. Good, right? Yeah...about that...

evil world meets God's mercy on anybody= conflict. And this is how that conflict -- that probably pops up in any and every believer's life, at some levels -- is popping up in mine. I was in a local convenience store at night somewhat recently...some woman who was probably around my age (38) walked by and called me a "drug addict." I haven't done drugs in well over 10 years. I didn't know her. I live in basically Any Small City, USA...

billboard ads for opioid addiction treatment, people dying of ODs every day, all kinds of drugs and ex-drug abusers all over the place. So...what gives? -frustrating-

ok. I rambled, per usual, but...yeah. yeah. I do request prayer and maybe because I didn't grow up in a church that did that and then I was un-churched and now...blah blah blah...

Prayers are necessary and I appreciate them. I just...wish I could -not- have this level of nastiness, somehow? I -am- getting better at the "love thy enemies" command, at least a bit. Some lady in front of me in a line was going on and on about "how we feel about him" "welfare" and this other junk, and it was obvious from the declined cards and such...

she's having her own set of financial problems. Instead of the flesh reaction I might have had, I thought...she's frustrated, I'm an outcast, and this is the result of that combination. I don't mention that incident to get a pat on the back or anything, just...Jesus is working in my heart of hearts so I don't always go into victim mode or anger mode or...blah blah blah.

ok. and now...I'm finished. for now... thanks

You are always in my prayers, CE. Forgiving your enemies is one of the most difficult tasks I find as well. Stay strong.