Question about divorce

[Jethro Bodine]

Agreed Jethro... Some one always gets hurt deep hurts from divorce....It is very hard to live a one sided life.... the mix is painful.

The thing I have observed about marriage is one of the partners is committed to the relationship (not perfect, just committed), and the other one is not so committed. That seems to be the formula for disaster. Marriage is a two-way street, and it simply can't work well if both sides are not committed to living with each other within the godly guidelines and rules God has commanded for marriage...no matter how hard the committed party tries. And a person HAS to know this truth before they commit to marriage.

I believe the church falls short in its teaching.... I have different thoughts about folks who are not in the Lord divorce/remarry then meet the Master...

I do too. I think it's a waste of time to impress God's rules for marriage on people if they don't even belong to Him anyway. Form a purely selfish point of view, if you're in the world, you'd be better off doing marriage the way the world does. But in the process you'll probably be storing up a heap of damnation for yourself at the judgment...not to mention the pain and brokenness in this life of the destruction left behind those who find marriage happiness via the ways of the world. They may ultimately achieve the happiness they long for, but the trail of hurt and destruction leading to it, and the cost of that destruction on the Day of Judgment makes it a very temporary and deceitful happiness.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

How do we consider the case of incompatibility?
- God destines that A should marry B, and C should marry D. Definitely, any occurence of A D and C B is going contrarlily to the will of God. Danger!!! It is usually an unpleasant result when we go contrary to the will of God for our lives. We keep making a mess of our destinies, at times.

And if ABCD realise their mistakes, should we encourage a AB CD remarrying.

Most homes fail today as a result of this problem.

I'm convinced this is the reason marriages fail:

"1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight." (James 4:1-2 NIV1984)


Are we to love only those we are compatible with and thus satisfies our wants? Is that how God's unconditional love, the love that considers the welfare of even it's enemies who don't love us, works?

As hard as this is to accept (and believe me, I know it is) marriage is not about demanding and getting what you want out of your partner so you can be happy. It's about committing to serving, and caring about the good of the other, even if you don't get the good you want and think you deserve out of it. Along the way God rewards that obedience (as in all situations where we choose to love) with a visitation of the promise of his own joy and peace and contentment...a joy and contentment and peace that fills the void where lingering physical and emotional hunger pains persist.

"10 If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 17 This is my command: Love each other." (John 15:10-11,17 NIV1984)


"21 Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.” (John 14:21 NIV1984)

We live among a fellowship of believers who are desperate to know and experience God and his Spirit, debating doctrines, and arguing beliefs, and worship styles, and music, (etc.) thinking that is what unlocks the glorious revelation of God's Spirit and joy, few of us knowing that it is the obedience of God's unconditional love that solicits that sought after experience. It's real. It's not always easy, but it's the truth. This is the life that is truly life. This is the Spirit-filled life, and which the joys of physical and emotional love and romance don't compare to.

 

[Classik]

Are we to love only those we are compatible with and thus satisfies our wants? Is that how God's unconditional love, the love that considers the welfare of even it's enemies who don't love us, works?

A question arises: Is there a need for 'searching', 'direction', 'fasting and praying for the person' etc.

Then one could marry anybody
(Please clarify this issue)

 

[Classik]

As hard as this is to accept (and believe me, I know it is) marriage is not about demanding andgetting what you want out of your partner so you can be happy. It's about committing to serving, and caring about the good of the other, even if you don't get the good you want and think you deserve out of it. Along the way God rewards that obedience (as in all situations where we choose to love) with a visitation of the promise of his own joy and peace and contentment...a joy and contentment and peace that fills the void where lingering physical and emotional hunger pains persist.

Absolutely! That's right

 

[Jethro Bodine]

How do we consider the case of incompatibility?
- God destines that A should marry B, and C should marry D. Definitely, any occurence of A D and C B is going contrarlily to the will of God. Danger!!! It is usually an unpleasant result when we go contrary to the will of God for our lives. We keep making a mess of our destinies, at times.

Assuming someone has really married out of God's will, there is still a will of God for that situation. I know how easy it is to rationalize one's unhappiness in a marriage by making some kind of appeal to God to fulfill his will that we be happy in marriage by giving us a new one. But God has just as much a will for you in a bad marriage as he does for you in a happy marriage. It's a hard truth, but it's truth nevertheless.

And if ABCD realise their mistakes, should we encourage a AB CD remarrying.

Absolutely not. It is certainly God's will that two people love each other in marriage and know every joy and blessing of that love. But it is also God's will to love those who don't love us when that situation arises.

I don't like suffering any more than the next guy. I don't volunteer for it. I try to avoid it whenever I can. But I can't begin to express to you the value of learning about God and his ways, and the joy and contentment of walking in those ways because of my own marital un-bliss. I want to encourage others to seek that same grace in their marital distress, not encourage them to find worldly happiness by going against God's will and bailing out of a marriage they have no Biblical grounds upon which to do that...and which they will have to give an account for on the Day of Judgment.

That's heavy duty stuff, I know, and I don't want to discourage anybody about the Day of Judgment. For those among us who have already failed and are out of God's will I want to remind you of God's immeasurable grace and his desire to forgive. Divorce, or giving up on a marriage you're still in are not unforgivable sins. Not seeking that forgiveness is what is unforgivable. It's not too late to change the eternal consequences of our marital mistakes.

18 Who is a God like you,
who pardons sin and forgives the transgression
of the remnant of his inheritance?
You do not stay angry forever
but delight to show mercy. (Micah 7:18 NIV1984)

So it's not too late to seek God's forgiveness and realize God's joy and peace even if we've sinfully walked out, physically or emotionally, on an unhappy marriage.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

A question rises: Is there a need for 'searching', 'direction', 'fasting and praying for the person' etc

Sure, why not?

Then one could marry anybody
(Please clarify this issue)

Like all decisions like this in life, we have the choice to seek God's counsel and direction concerning those things, or not. But there's always a will of God to be followed wherever the decisions we make lead us.

I believe taking the time to obtain God's counsel and will and wisdom about things before we make decisions can lead us to better circumstances. But we can't rule out that God may lead us into situations that are only good in his economy, not ours. Take Hosea for example. God's counsel for him concerning marriage was to marry exactly the kind of person that brings marital unhappiness. God's counsel might not take you where you think it will... but it will still be God's will nevertheless. Another hard truth, but truth nevertheless.

I'm not saying that to scare anybody and discourage earnest prayer about decisions. I say, just make your honest desires known about these things. Like I say, I don't purposely volunteer for suffering. I really do hope for my own comfort and safety and blessing in this world when I pray for God's will with the confidence that God is interested in that, too, for me.

 

[Classik]

Assuming someone has really married out of God's will, there is still a will of God for that situation. I know how easy it is to rationalize one's unhappiness in a marriage by making some kind of appeal to God to fulfill his will that we be happy in marriage by giving us a new one. But God has just as much a will for you in a bad marriage as he does for you in a happy marriage. It's a hard truth, but it's truth nevertheless.




Absolutely not. It is certainly God's will that two people love each other in marriage and know every joy and blessing of that love. But it is also God's will to love those who don't love us when that situation arises.

I don't like suffering any more than the next guy. I don't volunteer for it. I try to avoid it whenever I can. But I can't begin to express to you the value of learning about God and his ways, and the joy and contentment of walking in those ways because of my own marital un-bliss. I want to encourage others to seek that same grace in their marital distress, not encourage them to find worldly happiness by going against God's will and bailing out of a marriage they have no Biblical grounds upon which to do that...and which they will have to give an account for on the Day of Judgment.

That's heavy duty stuff, I know, and I don't want to discourage anybody about the Day of Judgment. For those among us who have already failed and are out of God's will I want to remind you of God's immeasurable grace and his desire to forgive. Divorce, or giving up on a marriage you're still in are not unforgivable sins. Not seeking that forgiveness is what is unforgivable. It's not too late to change the eternal consequences of our marital mistakes.

18 Who is a God like you,
who pardons sin and forgives the transgression
of the remnant of his inheritance?
You do not stay angry forever
but delight to show mercy. (Micah 7:18 NIV1984)

So it's not too late to seek God's forgiveness and realize God's joy and peace even if we've sinfully walked out, physically or emotionally, on an unhappy marriage.

Thanks alot
Above all, God forgives sins

 

[Classik]

Jet, have you heard about this nonsense before:

...to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for best , for richer for richer, in health and in health . …

against the biblical:
...to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse , for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health . …?

 

[Sparkey]

I was surprised when I heard in my Sociology class that increase in the divorce rate was directly correlated to the time the first baby is born. Seems (if what I was taught is true) that most divorces happen within a year of the birth of the first child.

The sociology instructor stated that the relationship was most strained when it had to adapt because the relationship no longer was centered on two people only. That being the case, certainly we can see where Christ-like-ness would be the remedy.

 

[Classik]

I was surprised when I heard in my Sociology class that increase in the divorce rate was directly correlated to the time the first baby is born. Seems (if what I was taught is true) that most divorces happen within a year of the birth of the first child.

The sociology instructor stated that the relationship was most strained when it had to adapt because the relationship no longer was centered on two people only. That being the case, certainly we can see where Christ-like-ness would be the remedy.

I would say :nod:yes

 

[for_his_glory]

1 Corinthians 7:10, Jesus commands the woman not to leave her husband and if she does she should remain unmarried, but in Malachi 2:10-16 the treachery that man commits against a woman which leads him to have an affair outside of the marriage or abuses the wife whether it be physical or emotional gives place to what was said by Moses in Deuteronomy 24:1-4 that if a woman is no longer pleasing to her husband then the husband should give his wife a written bill of divorcement and send her out of the house and this gives the woman the right to marry again, but she can never go back to her former husband if that marriage does not work out or her husband dies for now she is defiled to be with her first husband and this is an abomination to God.

For a good marriage to work one should study 2 Corinthians 6:14 be ye not unequally yoked together with non-believers for what fellowship hath righteous with unrighteous, and what communion has light with darkness. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ then you need to choose a mate that also believes in the faith of Christ. In some marriages people do not enter into a relationship with Christ being the center of it, but maybe one of them come to know the Lord and the other one refuses to have that personal relationship with Christ then we go back to what 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 says. If the unbelieving partner leaves the believing partner then this frees the believing partner from the bondage of the vows of marriage and they are free to marry again.

 

[Classik]

for_his_glory, Ta

For a good marriage to work one should study 2 Corinthians 6:14 be ye not unequally yoked together with non-believers for what fellowship hath righteous with unrighteous, and what communion has light with darkness.

:nod
Good.

If you are a believer in Jesus Christ then you need to choose a mate that also believes in the faith of Christ.

I'm not quite comfortable here. Do we really choose? Is that not sampling. One thing I believe is, to every man or woman God has already prepared a perfect husband or wife. That is the reason (my view) we have most broken homes today - because people satisfy their heart desires - they are too far away from God.
pray hard and and God will lead you to the person.


And divorce rate is more among unbelievers. This brings me to the question: Can this thread be of any help to unbelievers? Just curious!

 

[Davies]

What do you think about this: You know you married the right person when... you get married. It may end in a disaster. It may end in 75 years of treasuring one another. What I think we may be getting into is the sovereignty of God. Maybe that's just a cop-out. I'm inclined to believe that God is aware of everything and uses even the difficulties in our life, especially the difficult trials, to grow us in the faith.

- Davies

 

[for_his_glory]

for_his_glory, Ta
:nod
Good.


I'm not quite comfortable here. Do we really choose? Is that not sampling. One thing I believe is, to every man or woman God has already prepared a perfect husband or wife. That is the reason (my view) we have most broken homes today - because people satisfy their heart desires - they are too far away from God.
pray hard and and God will lead you to the person.


And divorce rate is more among unbelievers. This brings me to the question: Can this thread be of any help to unbelievers? Just curious!

OOPS, I forgot to add to this that when we choose a mate who also shares the faith of Christ we should like anything else we are choosing to do need to pray and ask God if this is the right thing to do. When my husband and I got married 14 years ago it was his first and my third marriage. We both wanted to be sure we were meant to be so we separately went to the Lord in prayer and it was confirmed by His Spirit in both of us. It's been a very blessed marriage so far and will continue to be as we have put Christ in the center of our marriage. This doesn't mean we have never had an argument, it means we never go to bed angry and always solve that which rears it's ugly head.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Jet, have you heard about this nonsense before:

"...to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for best , for richer for richer, in health and in health . …"

Sounds like someone's positive confession, or somebody who has yet to climb down out of their ivory tower to the real world down here, lol.

Can't blame someone for hoping for the best I suppose.

 

[Classik]

OOPS, I forgot to add to this that when we choose a mate who also shares the faith of Christ we should like anything else we are choosing to do need to pray and ask God if this is the right thing to do. When my husband and I got married 14 years ago it was his first and my third marriage. We both wanted to be sure we were meant to be so we separately went to the Lord in prayer and it was confirmed by His Spirit in both of us. It's been a very blessed marriage so far and will continue to be as we have put Christ in the center of our marriage. This doesn't mean we have never had an argument, it means we never go to bed angry and always solve that which rears it's ugly head.

superb!
Thanks alot

 

[Classik]

Sounds like someone's positive confession, or somebody who has yet to climb down out of their ivory tower to the real world down here, lol.

Can't blame someone for hoping for the best I suppose.

Thanks you!:toofunny

Such is possible only in heaven.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

And divorce rate is more among unbelievers. This brings me to the question: Can this thread be of any help to unbelievers? Just curious!

I say, no, it will not help. Last I heard, the divorce rate among Christians is only a little lower than that of the world anyway.

Staying in a marriage where you are not getting your needs and wants fulfilled or where you think someone else is better suited to you is completely and totally ridiculous and unreasonable to the world. Even believers who have the Spirit of God in them have a hard time with it. How much more than will the unbelieving have a hard time accepting and living out God's will for marriage?

 

[reba]

I say, no, it will not help. Last I heard, the divorce rate among Christians is only a little lower than that of the world anyway.

Staying in a marriage where you are not getting your needs and wants fulfilled or where you think someone else is better suited to you is completely and totally ridiculous and unreasonable to the world. Even believers who have the Spirit of God in them have a hard time with it. How much more than will the unbelieving have a hard time accepting and living out God's will for marriage?

So many of us (Christians) look to him/her to fill those needs we are to look to God. We are to look to Him as one. Bet most of us pray God fix him/her...

 

[Classik]

So many of us (Christians) look to him/her to fill those needs we are to look to God. We are to look to Him as one. Bet most of us pray God fix him/her...

And we try to adapt...when they are unfixable? :biglol

I know when my parents quarrel. Dad will always like to submit and yield to the wife
He's the one who usually starts the holy quarrel. Mom's mouth furrows into grimace - and all you hear is a holy and romantic bicker:bicker

The two are a perfect match - they know how to quickly 'wear a smiling face' again:D

----
Some women are unbearable: oh thou mouth of a woman - you are a heartattack to the heart of men, few men are willing to give up! All women want victory