It's funny what we put up with from boyfriends/girlfriends or husbands/wives, isn't it? A long time ago when I was dating an abusive woman (not physical just very verbally abusive and very conniving) I realized one day that all I had to do was picture her in my mind as just another guy that I was friends with. Then from that viewpoint I would ask myself, if another guy did or said this to me, would I put up with it? I gave her the "opportunity" to leave my life shortly after that. To be honest, there were few potential spouses that passed that test, but it kept me out of many bad relationships.
I wonder, how many people would choose as a roommate someone of the same gender who abuses them? No one I know would. So why choose an abusive person to be a spouse? There's no reason a woman can't put her man to the same test before she ever marries him and gets stuck into a bad marriage.
As for separating from the person who changes and become abusive after marriage, that's a hard and confusing decision to make in regards to God's will. A pastor and I were talking about that one time. He's a conservative, Bible believing type, not a liberal at all. But his take on it was that it's perfectly OK for a person to separate from an abusive spouse for their own safety or for the safety of their children, and that there is no time limit on how long that separation can last as long as the spouse is unrepentant. He did not believe it was scriptural grounds for divorce unless the other spouse decided to find a new partner and commit adultery, but it was OK to stay separated indefinitely if there was no true repentance.
