Hello, I am struggling with sex only after marriage. Not that I want sex before, but with that what if my husband will not be attracted to me when he first see me naked. After you get married, it is a covenant between you, your husband, and God, so you can't just get divorced because you don't like his or her body, I suppose. I became a born again Christian just over a year ago, and before I had two relationships, but I was never married. Since my last relationship (around 5-6 years ago) I did not have any contact with any men other than at work. I always struggled with complexes about my body, I hated it, particularly some certain parts of my body, and I always had a problem with intimacy, so being with a man in a sexual way was always a problem, and now I just can't get my head around it as a Christian, because I will not have sex with a man before marriage, but what if I get married, and he doesn't like what he gets?? I mean my body. How Christians solve this issue? Do they show their fiancé their bodies just to make sure they like each other before they get married? My question may be silly and childish, but seriously it is a significant issue for me.
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Sex after marriage
- Thread starter abcdefg
- Start date
- Sep 10, 2021
- 5,189
- 4,532
Greetings and welcome to Christian forums.
Sounds like what you need are two things:
1. Confidence, and
2. Confirmation for both of you that God is calling you together.
Regarding the first I would simply say do all you can to be the best version of yourself you can be physically. Exercise and put forth some effort, so that at least you are proud of the way you look.
Regarding the second, you need to begin praying for supernatural confirmation from God that you should marry him, and for him that he should marry you. Don't leave things to chance. Seek the Lord.
Lastly I would simply say communicate what you are feeling when it comes to having problems with intimacy. If he is the right man for you then he will help you with your insecurities.
Hope that helps. Blessings in Christ and welcome once again.
Hidden
Your fiancé is not buying a car.
He is in love with YOU.
The better he knows your mind, on every topic, the more his marriage choice will be cemented in his head.
Carry_Your_Name
Member
- Oct 2, 2023
- 3,023
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Sister, this is a self esteem issue. You're beautiful as you are, one with Christ and made in the image of God, you don't need his validation or approval, what you need is confidence in your own body image. If he doesn't like what he gets, don't provide until he shows respect and appreciation which you deserve. He's not entitled to sex, you have full autonomy over your own body, you don't owe him a roll in the hay. If you've determined to have sex but you still feel insecure, just do it in the dark under the covers - like most couples do; close your eyes, let the absence of sight sharpen your other senses; be mindful and enjoy the present momen.
Jethro Bodine
Member
- Oct 31, 2011
- 23,344
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Actually, this is a very good question.
Marry someone uglier and more out of shape than you.
No, seriously. Have this same conversation with them that you are having with us. And as far as getting a peak ahead of time without sinning, set a date to go to the beach.
He's not buying a car, correcto. But as women we should use our knowledge of putting on our best selves for our husbands to enjoy, this includes a bit of polish and wax, that is bathing and grooming and self-care, and intimate clothing that reveals the curves of the car, our husbands deserve us to be our best!
As long as you conform to the teachings addressing woman's manner of dress while in public, what goes on between you and hubby is your business.
While dating, however, he will have to get to know your mind, before he has the right to know your vessel
Yes, for dating, women should be modest but also at the same time it is fine to leave hints as to what their husbands will enjoy. Glimpses or hints are what I used with Roberto and it worked! We want the man to keep their mind on Christ and also be grateful and excited for the treasure they are about to possess. Yes!
No, it isn't fine.
Until that man has made you his wife, he has no right to any previews
Those are the ways of the world !
How does a man who is being tempted with previews/hints keep his mind on Christ ?
Wait! What you are calling a preview I think is definitely not what I was referring to. Hints and glimpses with modest dressing are only that. Her feminine curves, her bouncy hair, her soft skin, her feminine walk. These are all hints or glimpses of more to come. Don't you agree? Or are you hiding all of that of the woman? I am learning that there are Christian people who I think would probably prefer we wear burqa or abayas.
They may be hints, but to use them in the way the world does, sullies Christianity, and women in general.
Christian women are not like the women of the world !
I would agree with Paul's writings dealing with women's dress.
1 Tim 2:9-10..."In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with braided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works."
Again, I never said this and it is demeaning of you to say that I sullied it because I used the English words "hints" and "glimpses" as if they are "worldly." Even in the English Bible these words have been used. Maybe you need to give me a linguistics lesson or maybe you need to trust that I am not trying to dirty how women interact with men.
It isn't linguistics that you need to study.
Keep reading your bible with an eye towards the manner of holy women, and find holy people to fellowship with.
See how they behave themselves, and if it is a way that is pleasing to God, emulate that walk.
If, however, they walk in a worldly manner, flee from them.
D-D-W
2024 Supporter
- Jul 27, 2021
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I am a bit confused. Are you now engaged to be married?
If so - you should start attending a pre-wedding counseling curriculum, one that delves deeply into sexual issues.
If not, I still would encourage you to get into christian counseling to help you heal up from those bad ideas or wounds.
If so - you should start attending a pre-wedding counseling curriculum, one that delves deeply into sexual issues.
If not, I still would encourage you to get into christian counseling to help you heal up from those bad ideas or wounds.
Sex after marriage is a beautiful journey about learning about yourself and your husband. It is a process where you are both vulnerable with each other and you see each others flaws and imperfections and you love each other despite it. Your flaws are often not as pronounced as you think they are. Perhaps you could get some marriage counseling?