Should you be able to have space in a relationship?

[Dave Slayer]

Should you be able to have space in a dating or marriage relationship? Is it wrong if the guy wants to have a day to himself to do whatever he wants or perhaps to go hang out with the guys? The same would work vise versa. Should a girl be able to ask for some time for herself to do something she wants to do without her husband being clingy?

I can't speak for others, but I like to have some space. Not saying a lot of it, but I need some space sometimes. I need time alone to pray, think, and just hang out with myself. Is that wrong? Is it unBiblical?

 

[GojuBrian]

I find people give me more space than I want,lol. Where'd ya go? What happened? :D

We all have our hobbies and friends and yes, we should have a certain amount of space.

 

[Fembot]

Yes, but that should not include spending private time with the opposite sex.

 

[Dave Slayer]

Yes, but that should not include spending private time with the opposite sex.

I agree. I am talking about guys wanting a night out with theur guy friends.

 

[heather]

Yes... but in the same token, some men are insecure of letting their wives have a girls night. It should go both ways. My husband and I each usually have a day in the week completely to ourselves, house and all.

 

[NooneSpecial]

Nothing wrong with needing a little space, a little room to breathe tends to do better for most relationships. Otherwise a pair will tend to bite one another's heads off. Even too much of a good thing can be a bad thing.

 

[Blazin Bones]

A little room for quiet-time is healthy for an individual and two healthy individuals make for one healthy relationship. So some space probably is a good thing.

 

[Fembot]

A little room for quiet-time is healthy for an individual and two healthy individuals make for one healthy relationship. So some space probably is a good thing.

Yeah, but he's not speaking about "quiet time." He's speaking about going out places with friends without his significant other.

 

[Blazin Bones]

Well I was giving one instance where space is okay. You made a good point about time with friends. I've never been the kind of guy to go out with the "buds' and have a guys night, so I really can't comment to that effect.

 

[JoJo]

Even Jesus took time away by Himself. If Jesus felt it necessary, then there should be no guilt in needing some private time alone. :yes

The trouble is when you get with a clingy, insecure mate, you deal with someone who views your need for space as an affront. She falsely thinks "I need some space" is a metaphor for "I don't love you enough to spend my every waking minute with you." And so she ends up nagging and clinging and pushing you to needing even more space. No one likes to feel like they're in shackles or chained to anything 24-7. It's not healthy for a relationship.

 

[Mark62]

Hi Folks

First time posting in this area of the forum!

Different couples function in different ways. Christine & I have been married for 23 years and are very much a "peas-in-the-pod" type of couple. Given that we were 19 + 17 when we started going out together, most of our friends are mutual friends, so we tend not to socialise in the "night out with girls" or "out with my mates" situation than some find themselves in.

Christine will have a dinner out with some girlfriends from school maybe 3 times a year but this is as much as some space from all the tesosterone in the house (we have 3 boys!!) as catching up with the people concerned.

Marriages and relationships don't conform to a one-size-fits-all model so what works for some doesn't necessarily work for someone else. If you are to make any marraiage work (and I assume this is the area in which we a talking), then what is important is the focus of each person within the marriage.

Who is the most important person in your marrage/relationship? The answer should always be the same: the other person.

Once any of us start to get selfish, then thats when things start to strike some trouble. As Christians we should be careful not to think that we have a monopoly on good marraiages. Many christian marriages have failed, just as there are some non-christians with fantasic relationships. Christine & I were 27 & 29 when we became Christians so we were married for some 6 years as non-christians.

This sacrifical nature of marriage is re-inforced in Ephesians 5. If part of that sacrifice means giving the other person some much needed space, then so be it.

 

[Dave Slayer]

The trouble is when you get with a clingy, insecure mate, you deal with someone who views your need for space as an affront. She falsely thinks "I need some space" is a metaphor for "I don't love you enough to spend my every waking minute with you." And so she ends up nagging and clinging and pushing you to needing even more space. No one likes to feel like they're in shackles or chained to anything 24-7. It's not healthy for a relationship.

I agree. If I were with someone and wanted a night out with the guys, it's not because I don't love my woman. It just means sometimes I need space and hanging out with the guys is a healthy way to do it. Guys need to talk to other guys about stuff sometimes, same goes for women, right?

I am sure a lot of this would have to do with insecurities. Perhaps if the guy goes out for the night and leaves his woman behind, she may think he is cheating on her. But, I would never do that. I would not leave my girl behind to go hang out with other girls. I just would want some guy time once in a while. When you are married it is often hard to find time for stuff like that. I fully believe the spouse needs to come first, but once in a while space is needed. I would think that sometimes married women want space and time to hang out with just the girls. Am I right? Am I wrong?

I am not married, and I never had a very good relationship with a girl. I had a couple GF's and they were not very good relationships. So if there are any married folks out there, I would appreciate some advice.

 

[PrimeRoot]

space in a relationship

Cheers Dave.

Is it unBiblical?

I think Dr. James Dobson would support
giving your spouse some space,
but don't deceive yourself,
a ton of latitude is gained for unholy pursuits
when the latitude is not centered on holy pursuits.

Your marriage is bigger than you, brother.
The costs to your family is only a small part also,
if it ends in a wreck.

1 Corinthians 7:5
Stop depriving one another,
except by agreement for a time,
so that you may devote yourselves to prayer,
and come together again
so that Satan will not tempt you
because of your lack of self-control.