Husband submitting to wife-is it OK?

[Jethro Bodine]

What if such a "good wife" only exists in your fantasy?

It's okay to have a fantasy that your wife live according to the fruit of the Spirit. Just as she can fantasize that, perhaps, her husband would too.

Are you gonna spend your whole life and devote your whole being to find her?

If you find a good wife, you find a good wife. If you don't, you don't. That's just life.

Or surrender to God and develop a relationship with Him?

It is entirely possible to have a godly relationship with a woman, and have a relationship with God, too. In fact, one's relationship with God is what makes it possible to do that. But Paul warned that it divides our attention, but he made it crystal clear that we are not sinning if we do that. Paul does not condemn marriage. He condemns prohibiting people to marry. But he does encourage believers to stay single...if they have been gifted by God to do so.

 

[Elijah7777]

If you find a good wife, you find a good wife. If you don't, you don't. That's just life.

There are many wonderful women out there looking for a husband. I’ve noticed that women often showed interest in me, but once they learned I was divorced, they hesitated. Life already comes with its own challenges, and many prefer to avoid additional complications. As a result, divorced individuals often end up with others who have experienced divorce, which sometimes feels like an ongoing battle of the sexes.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Self control, though, is a spiritual fruit, not one of such gifts. It's not a "booster shot" for a few selected saints or clergymen to resist sexual temptation and keep them out of the mating market.

There is a vast difference between the gift of celibacy, wherein one does not burn with sexual desire, and the fruit of the Spirit in which one overcomes and puts to death burning sexual desire, when it arises. That's how you know if you have the gift of celibacy. Gifted celibates are indifferent to sexual activity. It's a nothing-burger for them. The rest of us, we put the desire to indulge unholy sexual thoughts and activity by the Holy Spirit.

In St. Augustine's view, all Christians are responsible to say no to sexual immorality, and as recipients of God's grace and his indwelling spirit, all Christians are able to say no to sexual immorality, this is held true to both the married and the unmarried...

That goes without saying. For the gifted celibate, it's not even a struggle. Red blooded believers who don't have that gift are the ones who have to slay sexual desire in the name of godliness. And they should. And they can.

...marriage is not merely a license for sex,

That doesn't diminish the fact that marriage is indeed a license for sex. One that every Christian who desires sex can seek to have. It's not a sin. Paul said so. He just said it's better not to...if you're gifted to do that.

...nor a fix for any form of sex addiction.

Getting married is not a fix for sexual desire. That's not Paul's point. It's a holy and approved outlet for sexual desire that can keep you out of sexual immorality. That's why Paul counsels those who can't control themselves (the implication being, they are unlawfully having sex) to marry. It's a legit, holy outlet for normal human sexual desire. Paul in no way prohibits marriage. He condemns those who prohibit marrying.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

There are many wonderful women out there looking for a husband.

28While my soul was still searching but not finding, among a thousand I have found one upright man, but among all these I have not found one such woman. Ecclesiastes 7:28

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Life already comes with its own challenges, and many prefer to avoid additional complications.

And I suggest a large disparity in age is an additional complication one should avoid in marriage.

As a result, divorced individuals often end up with others who have experienced divorce, which sometimes feels like an ongoing battle of the sexes.

Which is interesting because the divorce rate is higher for people who have remarried, so I'm told.

If that's true, I think it's true because for the person who's already been down this road, for them, it's easier to just pull the plug at the first sign of failure and spare themselves the pain, all over again, of the slow, agonizing death of a marital relationship.

 

[Elijah7777]

And I suggest a large disparity in age is an additional complication one should avoid in marriage.

Usually if you have a sugar mommy or sugar daddy situation there is money involved. I want emotional support more then financial, so I tend to avoid relationships where women have money. Although wages are high and people make pretty good money now a days.

Which is interesting because the divorce rate is higher for people who have remarried, so I'm told.

Last I checked the divorce rate for first time marriage was 20% and 50% for remarriage. 80% for me is a very high success rate. But that is not the rate for marriage in general, just first time marriage. The problem is the baggage people bring with them from the first marriage. Not to mention the kids from the first marriage. The whole Cinderella story is about the wicked stepmother and the wicked stepsisters and how they take advantage of her.

James was supposed to be Joseph's son from a previous marriage. So Jesus was raised with a step-brother so He understood what people have to go through in situations like that. In fact, Mary was proud of her virginity. So clearly, her marriage to Joseph was a marriage of convenience. Joseph and Jesus were both carpenters. So Joseph took care of Jesus, and Mary took care of James. Jesus teaches to avoid marriage if at all possible.

The Protoevangelium of James was supported by some early Church Fathers but not all.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Jesus teaches to avoid marriage if at all possible.

What verse are you referring to in the Bible?

 

[Jethro Bodine]

James was supposed to be Joseph's son from a previous marriage. So Jesus was raised with a step-brother so He understood what people have to go through in situations like that. In fact, Mary was proud of her virginity. So clearly, her marriage to Joseph was a marriage of convenience.

I think junk like this should be left on the garbage pile.

 

[Elijah7777]

What verse are you referring to in the Bible?

It was actually the disciples that were talking about this.

Matthew 19:10-12
​

10 The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”

11 Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 1 2;For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

 

[Elijah7777]

I think junk like this should be left on the garbage pile.

Yes, I should not have made that comment. People can read the book and decide for themselves what they believe.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

It was actually the disciples that were talking about this.

Matthew 19:10-12​

​

10 The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”

11 Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 1 2;For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

Jesus is not teaching us to avoid marriage if at all possible and live like a eunuch. The word that not everyone can accept (vs.11) is what he just said about not divorcing in vs. 9.

7“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses order a man to give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?c”

8Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because of your hardness of heart. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9Now I tell you that whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.d”

10His disciples said to Him, “If this is the case between a man and his wife, it is better not to marry.”

11“Not everyone can accept this word,” He replied, “but only those to whom it has been given. 12For there are eunuchs who were born that way; others were made that way by men; and still others live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”. Matthew 19:7-12

 

[Elijah7777]

Jesus is not teaching us to avoid marriage if at all possible and live like a eunuch. The word that not everyone can accept (vs.11) is what he just said about not divorcing in vs. 9. 11“Not everyone can accept this word,” He replied, “but only those to whom it has been given. 12For there are eunuchs who were born that way; others were made that way by men; and still others live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”. Matthew 19:7-12

I 100% agree that you are better off not to get married if your marriage is going to end up in a divorce. But when I told my son I never should have married his mom, he said then he would not have been born. Of course God can work out the DNA for every individual that could ever be born. The number of possible human individuals is technically finite, but it’s an astronomically large number! Since DNA is made up of combinations of four nucleotide bases (A, T, C, G) arranged in about 3 billion pairs, the possible genetic variations among humans are vast. However, this number is not truly infinite, because our genetic code follows specific biological rules and limitations. We do not realize how much we are like our children. But when I look at photos on the internet of women and their daughters they look very much alike.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

I 100% agree that you are better off not to get married if your marriage is going to end up in a divorce.

That's not what the disciples were saying.

What they were saying is, if you have to stay with the one you're married to and can not divorce them, then it's better to not marry.

 

[Carry_Your_Name]

I'm not one to volunteer for suffering, even to obtain a better resurrection, so I don't believe in purposely signing up for the potential for greater than expected trouble in marriage by marrying someone way older or younger than yourself.

Then heed the disciples' conclusion, "it's better not to marry". Jesus did NOT rebuke them, he did NOT throw Gen. 1:28 at them, instead he responded positively by teaching the value of singleness. It's not about marrying someone with a wide age gap, it's about having no available mate at all.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Then heed the disciples' conclusion, "it's better not to marry".

Or, if you do want to marry, marry someone your own age and remove the potential for additional problems related to a large age gap.

Jesus did NOT rebuke them, he did NOT throw Gen. 1:28 at them, instead he responded positively by teaching the value of singleness.

Jesus did not teach the value of singleness. The disciples are the ones who came to the conclusion that, if you can't divorce, it's better to not marry, not Jesus.

It's not about marrying someone with a wide age gap, it's about having no available mate at all.

It's about doing what you want. It's okay to marry. It's better to not marry. It's your choice. I personally don't think it's worth the trouble.

 

[Carry_Your_Name]

Or, if you do want to marry, marry someone your own age and remove the potential for additional problems related to a large age gap.

Not my will, but God's.

Jesus did not teach the value of singleness. The disciples are the ones who came to the conclusion that, if you can't divorce, it's better to not marry, not Jesus.

Yes he did, Matt. 19:11-12.

It's about doing what you want. It's okay to marry. It's better to not marry. It's your choice. I personally don't think it's worth the trouble.

No, it's about what God wants. It's not OK to marry in a distressful time, that's Paul's advice, also Lord Jesus's teaching - "woe to those who are pregnant and to those who are nursing babies in those days!"

 

[Carry_Your_Name]

There is a vast difference between the gift of celibacy, wherein one does not burn with sexual desire, and the fruit of the Spirit in which one overcomes and puts to death burning sexual desire, when it arises. That's how you know if you have the gift of celibacy. Gifted celibates are indifferent to sexual activity. It's a nothing-burger for them. The rest of us, we put the desire to indulge unholy sexual thoughts and activity by the Holy Spirit.

The biblical fact of the matter is, on Day Six, Adam didn't ask God for a mate, God determined it was not good for Adam to be alone, therefore He created Eve out of Adam and united them into one flesh. The takeaway lesson is, a godly woman is God's giving, as God brings forth a woman like He brought Eve to Adam, Rebecca to Abraham's servant, Zipporah to Moses, even Ruth to Boaz. Don't pursue a woman out of your own lustful desire, if you do, you'll end up miserably. Esau did that, which grieved his parents; Jacob did that, he got tricked by uncle Laban; king David did that, the rest was history.

That doesn't diminish the fact that marriage is indeed a license for sex. One that every Christian who desires sex can seek to have. It's not a sin. Paul said so. He just said it's better not to...if you're gifted to do that.

No, it's NOT a license for sex, it's only preached so in the post sexual revolution modern era.

Getting married is not a fix for sexual desire. That's not Paul's point. It's a holy and approved outlet for sexual desire that can keep you out of sexual immorality. That's why Paul counsels those who can't control themselves (the implication being, they are unlawfully having sex) to marry. It's a legit, holy outlet for normal human sexual desire. Paul in no way prohibits marriage. He condemns those who prohibit marrying.

He also condemns idolatry, which includes idolatry of marriage in the most idealistic, romantic, dreamy way like a fairy tale or a Hallmark movie. If you lack self control, the solution is to grow up, develop self control and get yourself busy.

 

[Carry_Your_Name]

Or, if you do want to marry, marry someone your own age and remove the potential for additional problems related to a large age gap.

For the last time, let me clarify: I was talking about the availability of such a "someone", not the age of such a "someone".

 

[Carry_Your_Name]

The word that not everyone can accept (vs.11) is what he just said about not divorcing in vs. 9.

No, that's a response to verse 10 that "it's better not to marry". In his conclusion, he who can accept celibacy - not "till death do us part", let him accept it.

 

[Elijah7777]

What they were saying is, if you have to stay with the one you're married to and can not divorce them, then it's better to not marry.

They were mad that they were not allowed to diverse their wife? They wanted to kick her to the curb?