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Singleness

Atonement

Atonement

Member
In a world where someone (myself) works all the time and finds little time to get out in the world very much. I'm finding it difficult meeting someone and I do not want to attend Church poking around with those intentions (I have in the past), but felt guilty because I felt that was a part of the reason I was attending. So I stopped looking for a potential partner. Now it's been three years and I just wonder if it's okay to be single? What I mean is this..

I see the staff at Church and Bible groups and other ministries I'm apart of and everyone usually brings their spouse and I'm there alone usually feeling like I'm different because I do not have anyone, so I feel less worthiness at times. The Church does not make me feel this way, I just feel this way because by someone my age they should be married.

I know the Scriptures pretty well, and probably some that are entering your minds :yes but I know that God during His creation (6 times) said that it was good, and it was good, and it was good, and it was good. The only time God said it was not good is when He saw that man was alone Genesis 2:18

I'm left with that verse that just keeps pulling on my heart strings - So let's be real..

I don't go to bars or clubs, I do not use Internet dating sites (have thought about it though). I just work a lot and when not working I'm working around the house. At Church (where I would love to find someone) I feel guilty if I look there, I asked my Church if they have a single groups (they do for people 50+) I have asked for other age groups but none as of yet.. Is it okay to be looking for a woman at Church when I'm there to worship my Father? I just don't feel right about it

I'm not getting any younger :bigfrown so I'm just left to trust that God's timing is what is important but I been praying about this for three years now.. I wish He would answer already!

LJ
 
Nothing wrong with looking for a good Christian girl, and where better to find one than at church. I would suggest finding a place to serve at your church. Get to know the pastors and the staff and someone will probably try to set you up on a date pretty quickly.

Don't sweat it, pray about it and trust in His plan.
 
Atonement said:
I been told that same thing for three years :chin
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Try looking for a christian dating site. God works in mysterious ways, so who says that he couldn't connect you with that special person over the internet? It's worth a shot, it can't hurt.
 
Try seeking the advice of a woman you find attractive - for that is the kind of person you wish to attract. Ask her frankly what would make you more attractive. Women usually make it quite clear when they are attracted to someone but are put off by desperate men.

There is a pretty good chance she will say, 'lose the beard, work on your fitness and relax in the presence of women - don't appear desperate'. Yes, women can be just as shallow as men. ;)

There is absolutely nothing wrong with internet dating, I suspect that most people do it these days but it does mean that initial image is important. Once someone gets to know YOU, image becomes irrelevant but before you meet, it is everything.

Stick at it and don't treat everyone you meet as a potential partner, just a potential friend. Good luck.:wave
 
Where else do you expect to meet Christian women? I'm not saying to go up to a woman randomly and ask her out, but if you happen to be at some event or a bible study and really enjoy talking to her, I don't see a problem with asking her out for a coffee or dinner or something.

As well, there are Christian dating sites out there. Obviously, there will be plenty of non-Christians disguisded as Christians on there (a lot of women are looking for moral guys, so they think they can find one in a Christian man), so one has to be careful, but there are also plenty of Christians on these sites as well. You might want to check out christiandatingforfree.com (this one is totally free), or try checking out Christianmingle.com (not free). I'm sure there may be women who are in similar situations like you are. Why not use all the blessing God has given us in technological advancements to our advantage and to furthering the kingdom? If you would use the internet to try to reach non-Christians, why wouldn't you use it to possibly find a wife or buy groceries?

EDIT: Jesus also said- "Ask and you will receive, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you." I've heard that the proper grammatical form actually translates to "Keep on asking....Keep on seeking....Keep on knocking...," and if that's the case, it requires all the more action from us to see change happen. In the least, God didn't say for us to sit around on our keesters while he did all the work. He said "go."
 
This is just my experience. I was married twice and divorced twice. Kinda of looking for love in all the wrong places. Even after my last divorce the men (few in number) I dated never amounted to anything as far as a lasting relationship. It wasn't until I got back into Church that God placed the right man before me, even though I did not know it at first. We started a friendship and would talk quite awhile after service each Sunday and Wednesday evenings. It's kinda like God had to hit both of us with a brick to show us we were to be together forever. Well I asked him out to dinner since he wasn't going to make the first move and in turn he said no, I am going to take you out to dinner. Long story short we have been married for 14 years now and a day never goes by that we never say I love you.

Whether it be a Church setting or someone at a grocery store, God will put the right one in your path, but it's up to you to see this and move on it. Plus there is nothing wrong with being single if that is what one chooses. Look around and see who is smiling at you.
 
Greetings to you all..

I don't want to reply to each reply individually, but I want you all to know that I been reading your responses and I'm taking it all in. Thank you for the support.


LJ
 
Sorry to hear you are lonely. It doesn't sound like you are someone God made to stay single. Try not to beat yourself up about it. There is no age where you should be married. You should be married whenever you find the right woman. Don't find your worth in how you compare to other people man it doesn't matter. Your worth is in God's purpose for your life. Use your time alone to fix this mix up you have in your head and it will help when you meet her.
 
Speaking from experience, you will find a much better match by not looking. I moved to California in late 1997 and swore I would not date anyone until I was financially stable enough to consider marriage. I also swore off of dating co-workers. Well, I broke the co-worker rule, which ended up blowing up rather interestingly in my face. To make a long story short in that regard, shortly after I started dating a woman I worked with she told me she had recently gotten engaged to someone her friend found on the internet. :eeeekkk

That, obviously, reinforced why you should never date a co-worker.

Eventually, I ended up dating then subsequently married a woman I had known since shortly after moving out to California. The relationship grew pretty much on its own, and of course some devine guidance, which culminated in marriage and now 4+ kids.

My point? Is the same as what some others have mentioned here. Let God introduce you to your match. Sure, right now you may feel like you are twisting in the wind, but He has someone for you, and will introduce you at the right time.
 
I have a spin to put on it you might like. What if the woman God has for you is drop dead gorgeous, has an amazing personality, and is really smart. You're not ready to meet her man cause you compare yourself to other people. You will be nervous as heck and blow it. You will think she is too good for you. You have to change your thinking first.
 
Or I guess in the same way she could be plain looking or a little dull or not the smartest. She might be perfect for you but would you accept her?
 
As a teenager, I quickly learned that girls want you to approach them. You're gainfully employed. You could easily have your pick of single women that are anything like you. What are you waiting for?

Better women aren't going to come along. On the contrary, they'll just get older and have more past issues, the longer you wait.

Singles for 50+? Does your church care if those people are divorced with surviving spouses?
 
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Bfnaught said:
Nothing wrong with looking for a good Christian girl, and where better to find one than at church.
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I agree with this, Atonement, as long as it's in a context where you can see what kind of Christian she is, like in a small group.


Bfnaught said:
...and someone will probably try to set you up on a date pretty quickly.
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That's one thing you can count on. Lot's of people to help you get out of a relationship with somebody, and lot's of people to help you get into a relationship with somebody.

As well meaning as it probably is, I'm of the opinion it usually amounts to nothing more than meddling, particularly when the desired goal is to get out of a relationship. Plenty of people to help you know your right to happiness and what's good for you in those cases...but let's all concentrate on getting Atonement into a relationship first, lol.
 
Knotical said:
Let God introduce you to your match. Sure, right now you may feel like you are twisting in the wind, but He has someone for you, and will introduce you at the right time.
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I'll add my 'amen' to this with everyone else.

Haven't had the chance (yet) to be exactly in your shoes, Atonement, but I'm close enough to know this is probably very true. So, when, and if, I get to where you're at this will be my guiding principle. I know from other things that you can't miss God if you're humbly and patiently looking for him.
 
i love being single, i've learned more about myself than anything else. if you're looking for a mate for the wrong reasons, chances are it might fail. mainly because you're trying to substitute god's love for something else. just be confident of who you are in christ, and your walk. being single is a blessing because he strengthens your character, your suffering is not in vein. he also might be holding something back to protect you. he can see it all and also your way of life. seek what's good even in your suffering.
 
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