Situation....

[handy]

So... a group of 7 young people, ages from just-turned-18 through 25 are going on a trip out of state to a concert. There will be 4 girls, 3 guys. Two couples. The plan is that all the girls will room in one room, all the guys in a different room. Unless they can get a room in which they can have a sofa, 2 queens and two roll-aways, in which case, they'll all be in the same room (none of these kids have much money, that's why they're looking at the budget plans, I doubt the motel is going to allow 7 people in one room though)... Mom of one of the just-turned-18 year olds and mom and dad of the other just-turned-18 year olds know all who are going very well with the exception of the girlfriend of one of the guys. All are very responsible young people and the 25 year old (who is by far the old man of the group) is very trustworthy and well known to all parents and all the parents are glad he's going along. They will be borrowing one the mom's 8 passenger vehicle to travel in.

The city they are traveling to is known world wide for being a conservative city with a relatively low crime rate and one of the guys knows the area very well, which areas to stay away from. The venue for the concert is in a very public, well known area with a good reputation. They will be two nights in the motel.

So, if you were one of the parents of the just-turned-18 year old girls... would you allow her to go?
This is recognizing that as an 18 year olds, neither really need "permission", but they are both good girls who wouldn't go if we put our collective feet down and said "no!".

Thoughts from the gallery and then I'll weigh in with just what's bothering me about all of this...

 

[Christ_empowered]

Ummmm....well, I think I'd say OK, personally. But I'm not a parent .

 

[Jethro Bodine]

The chances are far less likely that 'something' will happen between any two in such a large group. Especially since there's the odd gal out.

This is recognizing that as an 18 year olds, neither really need "permission", but they are both good girls who wouldn't go if we put our collective feet down and said "no!".

This tells me you can talk honestly and upfront with them.
Talk to 'em. Then let 'em go.

 

[Deborah13]

If all the young people, except the one girl, are well known and approved of by the parents of the 18 yr. olds, then I wouldn't be too concerned. But I would definitely have a talk about the dangers of going anywhere alone, buddy system type stuff.

 

[AirDancer]

I was in a similar position when my youngest was 18. The trip wasn't for a concert .... it was a ski trip and would last a week. And a good chunk of that trip would be driving to mid-to-western Colorado and returning to east central Illinois. Ages for the group ranged from 18 to 21.

We the parents had a meeting to discuss the trip, then we the parents had a meeting with them the 'kids'. They knew what was expected of them when the discussing was done. And we the parents had assurances that care and proper behavior would reign supreme.

Our kids returned home safely. The girls had indeed stayed in their room; the young men in their room. Nothing improper occurred, and they all looked out for each other.

I was really proud of the mature attitude the kids had. They didn't break faith with their parents, nor did they break faith with each other.

 

[Malachi]

none of these kids have much money,

There's your answer, apart from Murphy's Law. Stay home and watch the concert (if it's worth watching).

 

[handy]

Thanks for the replies. The two 18 year olds are our daughter and her best friend. We are fine with letting them go because, as I said, with the exception of the one girl, all these "kids" are well known to both Steve and I or her best friend's mom and most to all three of us. The three of us are perfectly OK with our girls going, especially since the others are a little older and more experienced in traveling, etc...

The thing is, we are getting a huge amount of flack from some others... who don't have any kids involved or even personally know any of them... about letting our girls go. Apparently, Steve, Kate and I are the biggest fools on the planet to believe for an instant that these kids aren't going to be having sex and probably doing drugs and all kinds of garbage.

I feel so badly for young people these days. They are either condemned for having no morals or being condemned as liars if they say they aren't having sex or doing drugs... :neutral However, the two biggest complainers are Christian women whose kids were involved with sex and drugs, so I guess they just paint all young people with that brush. So, I thought I'd throw it out here and was glad to see that no one jumped on the "it's just going to be one long orgy and you are fool for believing otherwise" bandwagon. Frankly, if our girls were so determined to have sex and do drugs, there's no reason for them to spend out of their hard-earned albeit meager savings account to go out of state to a concert.

 

[handy]

Our kids returned home safely. The girls had indeed stayed in their room; the young men in their room. Nothing improper occurred, and they all looked out for each other.

I was really proud of the mature attitude the kids had. They didn't break faith with their parents, nor did they break faith with each other.

And, I bet your trust in your kids went way up because they proved themselves trustworthy. How can our young adults gain that trust and faith if we never allow them to ever do anything? And how can we ever expect them to want to be trustworthy and faithful if adults are going to accuse them of lying about being so? Gah.......

 

[evenifigoalone]

I feel so badly for young people these days. They are either condemned for having no morals or being condemned as liars if they say they aren't having sex or doing drugs... :neutral However, the two biggest complainers are Christian women whose kids were involved with sex and drugs, so I guess they just paint all young people with that brush. So, I thought I'd throw it out here and was glad to see that no one jumped on the "it's just going to be one long orgy and you are fool for believing otherwise" bandwagon. Frankly, if our girls were so determined to have sex and do drugs, there's no reason for them to spend out of their hard-earned albeit meager savings account to go out of state to a concert.

I'm not a parent and I'm not that far removed from 18 myself, but this baffles me. Not everyone is going to behave the same way. I (sorta) work with youth, so yeah I totally get having precautions on trips and all that. But maybe my viewing on this is mainly because I was always the well behaved kid who never even dreamed of doing things behind my parent's backs...or even wanted to, really. Still, I'm sure I'm not the only one who was or is like that.

 

[The_Epsicle]

The thing is, we are getting a huge amount of flack from some others... who don't have any kids involved or even personally know any of them... about letting our girls go. Apparently, Steve, Kate and I are the biggest fools on the planet to believe for an instant that these kids aren't going to be having sex and probably doing drugs and all kinds of garbage.

And if they do, so what? They where going to do those things somewhere else if you don't allow them to go. As an 18 year old I can tell you all you are doing is showing them that you don't trust them to make mature decisions, you've raised this child and taught them what you know about good and evil, now it is up to them to decide what to do with that information, and what they do is not a judgement on you but on them, if they do good you are not judged as having done good they are, if they do bad you are not judged as doing bad they are. My mother had a similar concern a few months ago when I went to see a group of mostly female friends, she had no idea what we planned on doing and was surprised to learn we were all going to help clean up a church camp that was damaged by floods. Trust your children, but don't forget to pray for them too.

 

[handy]

I'm not a parent and I'm not that far removed from 18 myself, but this baffles me. Not everyone is going to behave the same way. I (sorta) work with youth, so yeah I totally get having precautions on trips and all that. But maybe my viewing on this is mainly because I was always the well behaved kid who never even dreamed of doing things behind my parent's backs...or even wanted to, really. Still, I'm sure I'm not the only one who was or is like that.

And if they do, so what? They where going to do those things somewhere else if you don't allow them to go. As an 18 year old I can tell you all you are doing is showing them that you don't trust them to make mature decisions, you've raised this child and taught them what you know about good and evil, now it is up to them to decide what to do with that information, and what they do is not a judgement on you but on them, if they do good you are not judged as having done good they are, if they do bad you are not judged as doing bad they are. My mother had a similar concern a few months ago when I went to see a group of mostly female friends, she had no idea what we planned on doing and was surprised to learn we were all going to help clean up a church camp that was damaged by floods. Trust your children, but don't forget to pray for them too.

Thank you, both of you. I really appreciate hearing from younger people on this matter. I just think it very undermining to a young person (or any person for that matter) to have others assume the worst about them.

 

[evenifigoalone]

Thank you, both of you. I really appreciate hearing from younger people on this matter. I just think it very undermining to a young person (or any person for that matter) to have others assume the worst about them.

Agreed. Even as an "adult" (haha, I don't feel like an adult) who doesn't need permission to live my own life (I'm not in my teens anymore and am increasingly making my own decisions), I can't say I have any desire to go have sex or do drugs. I would view a trip like that as simple fun, nothing more.

 

[jasonc]

I was just pondering the possible temptations of that but I do know that it is possible that some can be in that situation and not sin.

 

[Christ_empowered]

I just remembered...when I was in HS, we'd have mixed-gender sleep overs. I think there were a few....errr...encounters, but not many, and we weren't even Born Again or anything.

 

[Nordica]

Handy, if you have concerns, talk to you daughter. Tell her that it's not the matter that you distrust her, but it's very easy (especially at such an impressable age) to develop a crush on somebody and wish for more intimacy, so she should be careful and set boundaries in case somebody would be attracted to her or she would be attracted to somebody. I am serving young people, and I remember myself being 18. Attraction itself is good and positive experience, but the devil seeks whoever he can devour, that is why we have to be vigilant and should warn our young people with love. We still have our human nature with us.

 

[WIP]

Thank you, both of you. I really appreciate hearing from younger people on this matter. I just think it very undermining to a young person (or any person for that matter) to have others assume the worst about them.

I also wonder though, is it a parent's job to also teach self control? One way to do that is to put restrictions and make it known what those restrictions are. The_Episcle is correct that they will do what they will do but as parents we can't be afraid to set boundaries. If you choose to let them go, trust that they will respect the boundaries that you and God have laid forth. Part of our training as children comes with learning to resist opportunity for temptation as much as resisting temptation itself. You know your children and if you decide the risk of temptation is too great in this situation and you feel you can't allow them to go, explain to them the reason you are not allowing it is because you feel the risk of temptation is too high and you do not feel they may be ready to handle it. Remember, their hormones are at a full all-out gallop. Of course you have to be diplomatic and the way I just put it may not be the best way to explain it.

 

[Edward]

(from the perspective of one who used to lie to girls parents regularly, and had older "chaperons" who would cover for us, and did)...

My first gut reaction is the kids are lying, BUT! This is without ever meeting these young people, talking to them, or having opportunity to discern body language. They all don't lie, just most of them. I just know what's possible having done that a few times.

But if the relationship is such that trust is there, sure why not?

Weird, but, I think now that I am a Christian, I would be more inclined to leniency than strictness, as opposed to when I walked in darkness. Trust is a great positive reinforcement!

 

[Kenny_ms]

No kids here and what I was going to say has already been said:

This is recognizing that as an 18 year olds, neither really need "permission", but they are both good girls who wouldn't go if we put our collective feet down and said "no!".

That speaks volumes...I'd say let em' go, and don't concern yourself about what others think, they don't know them near as well as you do.

If they want to do something wrong, they will find a way, concert or no concert, but again, I wouldn't worry about it, they sound level headed enough.