Smitten with an Atheist

[Shamrock Lassie]

I need some help getting over someone.

He's a great guy and a great friend. He really is, and I know he'll make some pretty atheist girl very happy some day.

Falling in love isn't easy for me to do and it's taken a good 5 years for me to realize and accept my feelings for him. I've never felt this way for anyone despite my past relationships and infatuations. I guess I'm just oblivious when it comes to that thing called Romantic Love.

But I don't want a relationship with an atheist. I don't even want to pursue it. God is important to me. Having a relationship that includes Jesus is important to me. I want a man who goes to church. I want a man who lives for God.

This guy is great. In so many ways. Except this... and I don't have any desire to cast him out of my life, but I also don't want to tell him how I feel, I don't want to let these feelings get any stronger. The lucky thing is that we can't spend a lot of time together due to his busy schedule and my love for alone time, so it's not like we spend more than a few hours a month together.

But it's so freaking hard not to think about him sometimes! I can't even hug him goodbye anymore. I'm afraid if I do I won't let go lol Such a weird feeling, love is. Never thought this could actually happen to me.

Any ideas beyond never talking to him again? Do you think it's really possible I could love someone else like this? Should I just prepare for a life alone with a few cats? lmao. I think I'd be okay with that.

 

[HumbleOurselves]

Hi Shamrock. I am not very old in my faith, but I do know of a good passage to read in relation to this topic. The passage is in 1 Corinthians 7. The whole chapter would be good to read for context, and just to ensure you get a full view of what the Apostle Paul is saying; however verses 25-35 may help you have peace right now about being single. God bless.

 

[Shamrock Lassie]

Thanks, Humble. One of the verses that caught my eye is this:

1 Corinthians 7:13-14: And the woman which hath a husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

In a hypothetical situation, if I were to marry a non-Christian, atheist or otherwise, and we were happy and I lived according to God's will and raised our kids to love Jesus Christ, it would be okay? Or did I read the whole chapter wrong? :/ (I also do think putting Christ before an atheist husband would lead to a lot of difficulties in a marriage, hence why I asked about a hypothetical situation).

Thanks again. I keep praying for help and understanding of God's Word but a lot of it still flies over my head :| Thank God for the internet though!!

 

[HumbleOurselves]

Well, one thing Paul is trying to say is, if you are saved and single, don't seek to gain a partner. Why? Because you will have worldly problems that he wants you to be free from so you can wholeheartedly serve the Lord. He does however, know the lust humans have and says that if you can't overcome lust, then it is good to marry (marriage in no way is bad). I don't think it would be wise to seek to marry an unbeliever. If you are single, now knowing Christ, being with an unbeliever would be light living with darkness constantly. Although Paul says to stay with the person if they are willing (marriage is serious and meant to be a life commitment) that shouldn't be used as an excuse to pursue an unbeliever from the get-go. Feelings are tough I understand, but Jesus is truly all we need for satisfaction. I pray that Jesus would satisfy your desire for love, for him, but also that he would place around you godly men if you seek companionship. Remember, Seek his kingdom first, and everything else will be given to you after. Seek his will and you wont go wrong. Ask, seek, and knock as Jesus said, but like James mentioned, check your motives.

 

[Shamrock Lassie]

Thanks! Focusing on my relationship with God is certainly what I need most right now. You say you're new in your faith as well but you seem so much wiser in the ways of God. I have much to learn

 

[HumbleOurselves]

Well, Jesus said in Mark 4 that the closer we pay attention and listen to his word, the more understanding we receive; however, we don't want to get just head knowledge. We need the Spirit to illuminate our minds and receive his word like a child, with humility.
"“Consider carefully what you hear,” he continued. “With the measure you use, it will be measured to you—and even more. Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.”" Mark 4:24-25 NIV 1984

I like this version better. It seems more clear.

"Then he added, “Pay close attention to what you hear. The closer you listen, the more understanding you will be given—and you will receive even more. To those who listen to my teaching, more understanding will be given. But for those who are not listening, even what little understanding they have will be taken away from them.” Mark 4:24-25 NLT

“God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:6 NIV 1984

Knowledge puffs up. With knowledge, Satan can play at a whole new list of temptation like pride, scoffing, arrogance, a hard heart, dissensions, etc.

Knowledge is good, but without love it is useless. See 1 Corinthians 13.

I am new in my faith yes, but I devoted much of my time reading, watching sermons, in fellowship, etc etc. I myself love sharing what I know with others, but I myself fall victim to pride and a hard heart. The word of God burns in my heart, and I love sharing what I know. The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know. True wisdom recognizes the need for God and his wisdom. Wisdom starts with the fear of the Lord. The Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and the Bible is packed with wisdom. Listen carefully, seek the Spirit, and cling to your Savior.

Grace be with you. You have encouraged me tonight with your reception to God's word.

Quotes taken from scripturetext.com

 

[Blazin Bones]

Let me add some insight from the 1 Corinthians 7 passage. Paul is speaking primarily to those in the church who are married from verses 10-16, the passage where it discussing marriage between a believer and non-believer. This scenario is taught against in 2 Corinthians 6:14-18. With that in mind, the only reason Paul is allowing for a believer to stay in a marraige with a non-believer is if the believer comes to faith after the marraige has already been entered into. In other words, if the two were both unbelievers at the time they married and one found Christ to be their Lord, Paul is wanting them to honor that vow in expectation that God will use their new faith to redeem the other. There is no occasion where it is okay for a Christian to enter into marriage with a non-believer.

So Shamrock, if marriage is not an option, then there is no point for a romantic relationship. There is no reason to refrain from a casual relationship, but I would encourage you to pray about every time you meet this man. You are expected to shine the Light of Jesus for him . If you talk on the phone with him often, bathe those conversations in prayer as well. This is not an encouragement to missionary date, but simply an encouragement to use the relationship God has established to illuminate the Light of Christ.

 

[evesforeva]

Run away! Run away! Run away really fast!

I had a crush on an atheist once, then I became an atheist, and had really bad sex with him. (Good gravy it was awful! *shudders* )

I don't think that my loss of faith had anything to do with my crush on him, but it did lead me to jump into things that some Christians would consider ungodly without really thinking about whether I actually wanted to. He was available, I was smitten, and I didn't really think. My point: crushes cloud your thoughts and make it really hard to to judge wisely.

If he's really respectful of your wishes, and you don't think he's going to take advantage of a weak moment, then you're probably fine hanging around him. However, if he seems like the guy who would leap at the chance to do something you normally would oppose just because you said yes in a time when you weren't really clear-headed, you gotta let him go.

The only way I've found works to end a crush is to drastically reduce contact with him. You've got to make space in your mind for thoughts that don't involve him: another guy, a new hobby, or even God if you're into that sorta thing. Once you think of him only as a friend, you can go back to being friends with him.