"Snooping"

[handy]

I read a lot of things like advice columns, blogs, on-line newspapers etc...

And, I have come to realize that there are indeed sins that the world does recognize.

Not sins such as blasphemy, fornication, homosexuality etc... but nonetheless these sins are considered every bit as shameful and worthy of a Hester Pryne type scarlet letter.

One such sin is "snooping"...reading another's email, text messages, or even Facebook account.

My daughter never uses her email account...I doubt if anyone even remembers the password on it anymore. But, she does have Facebook and she does have a phone. With the full understanding that either her father or I can go onto her FB or her phone at anytime and read anything that she has posted.

Yep...I'm a snooper. I call it good parenting. She's only 14 and waaayyyy to young to be let loose on the world with no supervision and the Internet IS THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.

So far, she has done well. I've yet to come across any inappropriate texts of hers and only a couple inappropriate texts coming to her from friends that she handled OK. The one thing we busted her for with the phone is when I checked her texting history I found she was texting in several classes...one of which she is getting a very low grade in. She lost the phone for two weeks for that. I wouldn't have known she was doing it without "snooping".

She has also made the mistake of putting a few negative comments on Facebook that I've deleted and have helped her understand to never, ever put negative things on-line...because no matter how "true" you might believe the statement to be at the time...it's out there readily retrieved at any moment and can come back to haunt you. She has also "liked" something she sees from various things and then has inappropriate content show up on her wall, so every now and then I do some housecleaning and "unlike" these things.

Mainly, I keep a close eye on her friends list. I check out the friends walls, photos, information...everything that they have available for friends to see. It's a way for me to get to "know" the kids that she has contact with. If someone looks really bad on FB and becomes a close friend in life...I talk with her about it.

Again...I just think this is good parenting. I'll do the same thing when my son gets his first FB account...about 8 months from now.

I'm am truly surprised and wholly un-understanding why so many people believe that this type of snooping is a violation of her basic human dignity. For one thing...isn't Facebook a public thing? I mean, isn't anything that any posts on it posted in public? Why is it considered "snooping" to read what someone has written on a public forum? Anything that is sent electronically...anything texts, emails, forum posts, etc. should be considered public information...and the faster my kids learn that important fact the better. My daughter has already learned that, unless it's something she would say in front of her dad and I...not to mention her pastor since he's a fb friend of hers as well...she'd better not put it on FB, or text it, etc.

As far as between my husband and I...we have no "private" things that we keep from each other. We share an email account. I have a separate one, but only for work purposes. I could care less if he reads my texts...most of them are to either him or my daughter anyway.

I don't believe in complete privacy for children...I find that to be crazy in today's world. When my daughter wants privacy between her and a friend...they can talk face to face (no internet involved) in either her room (if a girl) or on the patio (if a boy, so we can see, but not hear).

So, am I the one who is crazy? Am I a bad person for being a snoop? Not asking because I'll stop (I'm not going to)...just wondering how others view this subject.

Does anyone here have private email accounts that they keep "hidden" from their spouse and would feel justifiably angry if s/he ever looked at it...or does anyone allow their children to have private texts and social networking accounts that you would never ever check, because it would be snooping?

btw...once my kids turn 18, I'll never look again...that's when they can have privacy from me and their dad. As of now the only privacy they get is when in the bathroom.

 

[phantom309]

Sounds to me like youre right on target.

These days especially you have to be on guard with your kids,and youll never fully know what your kids are up to without doing a little covert spying.

My wife doesnt seem to be too worried about this for the most part but Ive given her a few good examples recently of why she needs to pay attention.

Anyway,I wouldnt think twice about snooping on the kids,its just good sense.

 

[Hitch]

Go Handy, keep that up and you'll probably never need Mother Laura's ultimate teen control tactic.








Remove child's bedroom door.

 

[jasoncran]

:D meanie. why thats dastardly and satanic, expecting decency from your children.

 

[ChristianNationalist]

As a teen I would be horrified at the invasion of privacy. As an adult I'm horified at those who don't police their children's behavior. Funny how a couple of decades can change one's outlook.

 

[Mike]

As a teen I would be horrified at the invasion of privacy. As an adult I'm horified at those who don't police their children's behavior. Funny how a couple of decades can change one's outlook.

I was thinking the same thing. I wonder who would win the war of words between the young, stubborn me and the present, stubborn me. We were/are equally convicted of our stances on the matter. But, I as the parent have the trump card over our children.

Dora, when you go on her Facebook, do you log on as her? Joshua is the only one of our kids on Facebook, and this was one of our rules if he was to get on it from the beginning, and the older he gets, the more important it gets that we are "in the know". When they're off on their own, they can make the rules, but as long as they're in our care...

I can't believe how some parents read the headlines and allow their kids to have privacy like that. There were likely dangers back in the day like we have today, but now we know about them. We simply cannot afford to stick our heads in the sand. So, you go, girl! :yes

I do have a separate email account for things like notices on CFnet and my eBay ventures, but Julie knows how to get in, and she does so freely. I just don't want to clutter our shared in-box with all the notifications. I firmly believe secrecy is dangerous ground. Having none helps keep me AND OUR CHILDREN accountable.

 

[handy]

Thanks for the feedback. I'm flabbergasted as to how many parents think they should "respect the privacy" of their teens.

Dora, when you go on her Facebook, do you log on as her?

Sometimes...she knows the drill and her friends are finding out...I can log into her account at any time. If a friend of her's pops up to chat, I'll let them know right away that it's me...I don't pretend to be her or anything...but I might read anything...including "private messages". I also check our history all the time to make sure there are no bogus Facebook or any other social networking site that she's on...there isn't though...she's pretty straightforward about things. She might yell and stomp about getting in trouble for anything...but she doesn't try to sneak behind our backs.


As time goes by, I check less frequently. I still randomly check and she knows it. Again...I'll stop when she's 18. But, she knows that up to 11:59PM on July 29th of 2015...I can and most likely will "snoop".

 

[ivorhughjarse]

I can only speak for the UK where it appears that the youth are children for less time than in the States..With mine who are 21 and 18 we tried to release them as we would release a strong spring... gradually... a bit at a time... keeping hold of them with firmness yet working towards the day when they stood on their own making their own decisions

Young people can be targeted but so can older ones who cannot stand on their own to feet and have to be carried through life. In London..Oxford Street is the pick pocketing capital of the country and those with no experience of looking after themselves are viewed as the easiest targets.

It's so difficult as a parent wanting our children to come to no harm and balancing that with them having experience of life that they can build upon. Our children have Facebook accounts and one rule was that they link us as friends and on the rare occasions i'm shocked at what they say the mainly sensible side of them makes me proud that they have a streetwise side that helps keep them aware of what happening around them when we are not there to advise them

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=KG7GGLNX&fb_source=message