Christ_empowered
Member
My past life, pre-Christ, was wretched. Wasted money, wasted youth, wasted life. I was on my way out by 19, done for by 20. I'm now 29, soon to be 30.
I had 2 rounds of ECT (not voluntarily). When I came to repentance, I was still kinda vegetative. I should have been dead and in Hell. Grace...unmerited favor, right?
Right. 18 months in, on the heels of my 30th B-day, I realize: I don't deserve any of this. Does anyone? And there's this real sense of disgust over who I used to be, and aspects of who I still am.
Its an unusual feeling. They used to say I was narcissistic, or schizophrenic, but I think I just didn't grow up until recently. I mean, better late than never, right?
So..shame. Maybe, maybe "godly sorrow," in which case I can use it to turn to full repentance, now that I can see more clearly who I was and who I still am.
Its not just me out there who needs to grow up. I'm not the only one who needs at least a touch of godly sorrow. So, my prayer request for tonight it, yes, me-related, but also other people...some other Christians included...who need a touch of regret, hopefully to pull them towards (or closer to) Christ.
So..yeah...I'm still developing that moral compass, that "heart of flesh, not of stone." Good stuff. I pray that I get real morality in my life and so do others, too.
I had 2 rounds of ECT (not voluntarily). When I came to repentance, I was still kinda vegetative. I should have been dead and in Hell. Grace...unmerited favor, right?
Right. 18 months in, on the heels of my 30th B-day, I realize: I don't deserve any of this. Does anyone? And there's this real sense of disgust over who I used to be, and aspects of who I still am.
Its an unusual feeling. They used to say I was narcissistic, or schizophrenic, but I think I just didn't grow up until recently. I mean, better late than never, right?
So..shame. Maybe, maybe "godly sorrow," in which case I can use it to turn to full repentance, now that I can see more clearly who I was and who I still am.
Its not just me out there who needs to grow up. I'm not the only one who needs at least a touch of godly sorrow. So, my prayer request for tonight it, yes, me-related, but also other people...some other Christians included...who need a touch of regret, hopefully to pull them towards (or closer to) Christ.
So..yeah...I'm still developing that moral compass, that "heart of flesh, not of stone." Good stuff. I pray that I get real morality in my life and so do others, too.