You know, there has been an attempt to reconcile the geologic data with a young Earth chronology:
-USSHERING IN THE MILLENIUM-
by Russell Seitz
originally appeared in Earth magazine
The 6,000th anniversary of Earth's creation (4004 B.C. - A.D. 1997) is
about to be celebrated by congregations that revere geochronology's
founder, the good and great Archbishop Ussher. Their enthusiasm
seems bound to spill over into their congressional districts, with obvious
ramifications for the funding of geophysical research. So it may be
prudent to amend geochronology to fit a Biblically Correct 6,000-year
format, at least for the fiscal year to come.
25 Oct. 4004 B.C.: Encounter with Nemesis
knocks Lucifer out of Oort Gloud.
1 Nov. 4004 B.C.: Earth still largely molten;
Adam and Eve invent asbestos waders.
3714 B.C.: The first biotechnologist, Cain,
invents cyanobacteria.
3554 B.C.: Komatiitic lava inundates earliest
crust; Noah's Ark incinerated.
3264 B.C.: Methuselah begins to notice
passage of geological time.
3124 B.C.: Archaean stratiform sulfide
deposits form, making Bronze Age possible.
2844 B.C.: Tired of reading graphic granite,
Imhotep invents hieroglyphs.
2584 B.C.: Earliest sedimentation; discovery
of slate leads to stone tablets.
2444 B.C.: Breathable atmosphere develops;
first sermon preached.
2384 B.C.: Descendants of Tubal Cain
inaugurate banded Iron Age. Sphinx
starts to fossilize.
2024 B.C.: Nimrod the Hunter erects the
Geosyncline of Babel.
1914 B.C.: Advent of diapirism; Lot's wife
turned into first salt dome.
1794 B.C.: Children of Ham split from Israel-
ites, insisting that the Burgess Shale
fauna are kosher; chowder invented.
1704 B.C.: Charshumash the Hittite bitten by
first vertebrate; lawyers emerge from
slime.
1624 B.C.: Samson attempts perovskite
synthesis; laboratory of the Philistines
implodes.
1444 B.C.: War of the Chaldean Succession;
Pangea broken up in accordance with the
Treat of Uruk
1334 B.C.: Shang Empire abandons efforts
to invent compass when China drifts over
south magnetic pole.
1264 B.C.: Moses invents hydrofracturing;
opening of Red Sea rift drowns Egyptian
Army.
1194 B.C.: Odysseus runs aground on
Gondwandan Riviera; Circe founds Club Teth.
1104 B.C.: Ezekiel see de pterodactyl 'way
up in de middle ob de air.
1024 B.C.: Goliath stepped on by irate
Barosaurus, David takes credit.
794 B.C.: Jonah swallowed by Carcharas
megalodon.
564 B.C.: Pythagoras publishes Air-Earth-
Fire-Water phase diagram.
454 B.C.: Marble deposits form in Greece;
Parthenon erected.
338 B.C.: Aristotle concludes that quartz is
just another polymorph of ice, like
diamond or pearls; this is known as
the Wisdom of the Ancients.
48 B.C.: All of Gaul is divided into three
parts by the collision of Corsica with the
European Plate.
The Year Zero: Nothing much happened,
there being none.
A.D. 31: Miracle of the Loaves and
Ichthyosaurs.
A.D. 70: Paul, formerly Saul the Tarser,
undergoes identity crisis on the road to
Damascus and writes Epistle to the
Cephalopods.
A.D. 344: Vanguard of Attila the Hun
perishes when Romans breach
Gibraltar escarpment, flooding the
Mediterranean Desert.
A.D. 494: Snakes evolve and are driven out
of Ireland.
A.D. 974: Lief the Unlucky is lost with all
hands when his dragon ship is spotted
by an amorous Kronosaurus.
A.D. 1066: William the Conqueror invades
England by walking through northern
France.
A.D. 1215: Magna Carta eaten by Velociraptor.
A.D. 1324: Gunpowder and plate armor introduced;
dinosaurs hunted to extinction.
A.D. 1384: Dante Alighieri describes
core-mantle boundary.
A.D. 1444: Flowering plants appear; War of
the Roses commences.
A.D. 1484: Leonardo da Vinci designs
Archaeopteryx.
A.D. 1492: Mesoamerica emerges, thwarting
Columbus's discovery of Japan; the
Santa Maria is attacked by ammonites.
A.D. 1522: Hernan Cortes uses asteroid
impact to conquer Aztec Empire.
A.D. 1588: Spanish Armada frustrated by
continuing absence of English Channel.
A.D. 1636: Earliest primates appear; Harvard
founded.
A.D. 1664: An English primate becomes
Primate of Ireland; Archbishop Ussher
successfully deduces last four out of ten
digits of the age of the Earth.
A.D. 1688: Hapsburg Iceboat Armada
invades England via London-Bruges
canal; Inquisition burns Isaac Newton at
the stake for alchemy.
A.D. 1754: Gibbons evolve and write master-
pieces like The Oecline and Fall of the
Roman Empire.
A.D. 1776: Washington's Mastodon Cavalry
routs Hessians at Battle of Hudson Canyon.
A.D. 1835: Charles Darwin, attacked by giant
ratite in Galapagos, returns home a
convinced Neptunist.
A.D. 1846: A milestone in ape evolution is
passed: birth of a son to Bishop and Lady
Wilburforce.
A.D. 1867: COSMOS superstar Alexander
Von Humboldt wins the Napoleon lll
Peace Prize for sabotaging the Baltimore
Gun Club's lunar cannon.
A.D. 1894: Awed by extent of glaciation,
Cecil Rhodes proposes Capetown-to-
Cairo bobsled run.
A.D. 1914: Younger Dryas sea-level rise
unleashes U-boats into the Atlantic, Holy
Roman Empire wins World War I.
A.D. 1948: Harry Truman proposes using ice
to contain Stalin; Cold War begins, end-
ing Last Interglacial.
A.D. 1954: Glaciers retreat from Fulda Gap;
de Gaulle invades Russia.
A.D. 1957: Civil Rights Movement
challenges Jim Cro-Magnon laws.
A.D. 1961: Rachel Carson links DDT to
Glyptodonts' decline.
A.D. 1969: Last sighting of saber-toothed
tiger in Central Park; Elizabeth Taylor
divorces Proconsul.
A.D. 1971: Andy Warhol paints Campbell
Soup cans on walls of Lascaux caverns.
A.D. 1983: Australopithecus wins the
America's Cup.
A.D. 1988: Homo habilis volunteers to serve
as Pat Robertson's running mate.
A.D. 1990: Last Neanderthals perish in siege
of Kremlin.
A.D. 1991: Saddam Hussein discovers fire;
Holocene tar sands form in Kuwait.
A.D. 1997: Citing black smoker emissions,
the EPA bans continental drift. Thermophilis
wins Nobel Prize for sequencing its
own DNA while trapped in amber.
. I don't claim I understood all about it, but enough to see how the observations match the BBT much better than any alternative theory.
