GOD CAN HEAL AN ANGRY BROKEN HEART
Here is my life as short as I can write it and I pray it ministers to all the broken hearts out there and to know there is hope in the name of Jesus. I was brought up with an abusive father, which included a lot of beatings and self doubt in my early years. I learned hate and anger from my dad. My mother and grandparents were my rock of love even though they could not stop the pain of abuse. I went to church as a child so I knew a little bit about Jesus, but was never really into the whole church thing. Church was just a place to go to have some fun with other kids. There are eight kids in my family so I was never alone. Church had fun things to do that we could not do at home.
School was another place of abuse as we were raised on welfare as my dad was disabled and that brought with it much teasing, which is another place that helped build up my anger and taught me how to physically fight back. During my junior year I met a guy who I dated for awhile and he took me to a church. I thought the people were crazy or something, because they were waving their hands around in the air and speaking a funny language, but long story short I did receive Jesus, but not truly in my heart. I soon quit going to church and married another man after graduation and that marriage brought with it a lot of mental abuse. We divorced after eight years and now for the first time in my life I was truly on my own as we had moved away after we got married.
I got into drinking pretty heavy and I went as far as looking for love in the wrong places. If I did not have the money for drinks I would prostitute myself for drinks thinking that these guys truly like me because they were spending their money on me. I never had that attention before. My wake up call from that was when I got date raped. That opened my eyes real quick to evaluate who I was and what I was turning into. I quit going to the clubs after I met this guy at work and we hit it off so well that we got married three months after dating. Trying to make this short, he turned into Satan himself after we got married. He was a drug user and an alcoholic who beat me all the time and almost killed me once after choking me. I didn’t know he was like this before I married him. Physical abuse will go away, but the mental abuse will stay with you forever.
Now this is where God comes into play. I was going to church during that marriage and getting closer to Jesus even though I truly did not know him that well yet, but he knew me amen. I was so scared my husband was going to kill me. I was a prisoner in my own house. He took me to work and brought me home and God forbid if he saw me talking to any other guy I worked with. I would get beat up when we got home. I wasn’t allowed to have friends or even talk to them on the phone. He was having affairs left and right and would come home afterwards and beat me up because he thought I was also sleeping around, which I never did and come on he watched me like a hawk.
I knew I had to get out of this marriage as I had everything beat out of me. I hated myself and the world and had no self-esteem left at all. I had no money no car no nothing and I truly felt he was going to eventually kill me. I cried out to God and he made a financial way where there was no way. We had opened a checking account in both our names earlier that day and deposited three hundred dollars, (God working here). When we got home we got into a hugh fight and I told him I was staying home from work because I was to upset to go in so he went to work and I stayed home. God spoke to my heart and told me to call the airlines and see what a ticket cost. You got it, exactly three hundred dollars so I had my sister take me to the bank and I packed up what I could take on a plane and flew home. It hurts the things I had to leave behind, but my life is more important than material things.
Now here I am living with my mother, which would be for ten years, and holding everything inside me because I didn’t want to burden anyone with my problems. My mom and I get along great and we had so much fun in those ten years, but I was still hurting and lonely inside. I needed someone to love me for whom I was and not for what they wanted me to be. Again I cried out to God and started going to a church near by, but wasn’t getting any help from the pastor at all. I would try to talk to him, but all he did was pat me on the back and tell me I was a strong person and I could handle my problems myself. I thought if this is what church is I don’t need it so I quit going.
Again God came to me in Spirit and showed me a revival that was in the paper so I decided to go even though it was far away. I liked the music and a lot of people came and talked to me and I made some good friends that weekend. When the pastor started speaking I walked away to go to my car to leave because the music was done and I didn’t want to hear what he had to say. What he was talking about I could care less until I heard him say, “you are the head and not the tailâ€, (Deuteronomy 28) and like a bolt of lightning I was drawn back to hear what he was talking about. I never heard anyone preach to my heart like Jesus was using this man that day. I started going to their church because I wanted so much more of this word he was speaking. It was like I never read the Bible before and those words just leaped off those pages and found their way to my heart.
God started tearing down that wall I had built around me and changed my heart from anger and hate to love and compassion. I met another guy at church and we married and God has been blessing this marriage for many years now and now I teach the word of Gods truths and I emphasize truth, because I want the Holy Spirit to teach me and not man. I’m not saying this marriage is perfect for what marriage is, but we keep Christ in the center of it and never go to bed angry. Thank you Jesus for always walking beside me keeping me safe through the fires of my life.
Here is my life as short as I can write it and I pray it ministers to all the broken hearts out there and to know there is hope in the name of Jesus. I was brought up with an abusive father, which included a lot of beatings and self doubt in my early years. I learned hate and anger from my dad. My mother and grandparents were my rock of love even though they could not stop the pain of abuse. I went to church as a child so I knew a little bit about Jesus, but was never really into the whole church thing. Church was just a place to go to have some fun with other kids. There are eight kids in my family so I was never alone. Church had fun things to do that we could not do at home.
School was another place of abuse as we were raised on welfare as my dad was disabled and that brought with it much teasing, which is another place that helped build up my anger and taught me how to physically fight back. During my junior year I met a guy who I dated for awhile and he took me to a church. I thought the people were crazy or something, because they were waving their hands around in the air and speaking a funny language, but long story short I did receive Jesus, but not truly in my heart. I soon quit going to church and married another man after graduation and that marriage brought with it a lot of mental abuse. We divorced after eight years and now for the first time in my life I was truly on my own as we had moved away after we got married.
I got into drinking pretty heavy and I went as far as looking for love in the wrong places. If I did not have the money for drinks I would prostitute myself for drinks thinking that these guys truly like me because they were spending their money on me. I never had that attention before. My wake up call from that was when I got date raped. That opened my eyes real quick to evaluate who I was and what I was turning into. I quit going to the clubs after I met this guy at work and we hit it off so well that we got married three months after dating. Trying to make this short, he turned into Satan himself after we got married. He was a drug user and an alcoholic who beat me all the time and almost killed me once after choking me. I didn’t know he was like this before I married him. Physical abuse will go away, but the mental abuse will stay with you forever.
Now this is where God comes into play. I was going to church during that marriage and getting closer to Jesus even though I truly did not know him that well yet, but he knew me amen. I was so scared my husband was going to kill me. I was a prisoner in my own house. He took me to work and brought me home and God forbid if he saw me talking to any other guy I worked with. I would get beat up when we got home. I wasn’t allowed to have friends or even talk to them on the phone. He was having affairs left and right and would come home afterwards and beat me up because he thought I was also sleeping around, which I never did and come on he watched me like a hawk.
I knew I had to get out of this marriage as I had everything beat out of me. I hated myself and the world and had no self-esteem left at all. I had no money no car no nothing and I truly felt he was going to eventually kill me. I cried out to God and he made a financial way where there was no way. We had opened a checking account in both our names earlier that day and deposited three hundred dollars, (God working here). When we got home we got into a hugh fight and I told him I was staying home from work because I was to upset to go in so he went to work and I stayed home. God spoke to my heart and told me to call the airlines and see what a ticket cost. You got it, exactly three hundred dollars so I had my sister take me to the bank and I packed up what I could take on a plane and flew home. It hurts the things I had to leave behind, but my life is more important than material things.
Now here I am living with my mother, which would be for ten years, and holding everything inside me because I didn’t want to burden anyone with my problems. My mom and I get along great and we had so much fun in those ten years, but I was still hurting and lonely inside. I needed someone to love me for whom I was and not for what they wanted me to be. Again I cried out to God and started going to a church near by, but wasn’t getting any help from the pastor at all. I would try to talk to him, but all he did was pat me on the back and tell me I was a strong person and I could handle my problems myself. I thought if this is what church is I don’t need it so I quit going.
Again God came to me in Spirit and showed me a revival that was in the paper so I decided to go even though it was far away. I liked the music and a lot of people came and talked to me and I made some good friends that weekend. When the pastor started speaking I walked away to go to my car to leave because the music was done and I didn’t want to hear what he had to say. What he was talking about I could care less until I heard him say, “you are the head and not the tailâ€, (Deuteronomy 28) and like a bolt of lightning I was drawn back to hear what he was talking about. I never heard anyone preach to my heart like Jesus was using this man that day. I started going to their church because I wanted so much more of this word he was speaking. It was like I never read the Bible before and those words just leaped off those pages and found their way to my heart.
God started tearing down that wall I had built around me and changed my heart from anger and hate to love and compassion. I met another guy at church and we married and God has been blessing this marriage for many years now and now I teach the word of Gods truths and I emphasize truth, because I want the Holy Spirit to teach me and not man. I’m not saying this marriage is perfect for what marriage is, but we keep Christ in the center of it and never go to bed angry. Thank you Jesus for always walking beside me keeping me safe through the fires of my life.
. I was lurking on this forum a while ago before making an account, and reading about all the amazing times that God's worked in your life has greatly encouraged my faith in Him. Thank you for posting this