Christ_empowered
Member
- Oct 23, 2010
- 14,242
- 10,724
OK. I've been thinking+praying on that verse, and...well, I don't think I'm really "sick" now. I --was-- sick. I was physically, mentally, spiritually sick as unto death. I mean...wow. It was bad. And...my parents gave me enough $$$ for me to stay fed and housed, then enough $$$ to go back to a state school (I think they just wanted me out of town), but...nobody else cared. At all.
Now, I've been saved 3ish years. Free Gift of Salvation?!?!? Not so much. What doe salvation cost you? Your life!!!!!
It is no longer I who lives, it is Christ who lives in me...
...and thank God for that. Christ isn't NPD, OCD, ADD, ODD, BPD, SZ, or anything like that (and yes...those are all labels applied to --me--, at some point during my misadventures in Mental Health, Inc.). Spirit of power, spirit of love, spirit of a sound mind.
I used to pray "Heal me of narcissism." Now I think...no. That was self-centered in and of itself. The more I love Jesus, the less "sick," deviant, aberrant, disordered I become. You know who's sick? My community. My shrinks. My society.
I am blessed, and increasingly...too blessed to be depressed. Its not just that I'm physically healthy (although that's huge), got my raw intelligence back (that's huge, too), free+safe (big deals, both of those things)...its that I've changed, completely. Every genuinely saved Christian shows a little light of Truth and Christ to the world. I had dead eyes. Now, I have normal, bright eyes. Mental Health, Inc. will say that I "recovered" and such. Well...thing is...you don't really "recover" from: 2x heavy shock, heavy drugging, high dose Rx speed, a blow to head, an untreated sleeping pill OD (--in-- a private, for profit mental hospital, btw), malnutrition, numerous suicide attempts, etc. Oh, and: scarred follicles (that means no regrowth, ever), immune system problems, respiratory problems, cardiovascular problems, dermatological problems, dental problems, stunted growth...
...all this, with minimal, if any, treatment. I used to think...well, I still do this Orthomolecular thing...its high dose vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, etc. It didn't purge my system or bolster my (non-existent) immune system or...anything. I don't know how I was even alive all those years, popping vitamins while in some magical fairy land where vitamin C could cure everything.
No treatment. No cosmetic surgery, either (not surprisingly, I was u-g-l-y at times, sometimes straight up hideous). And yet...I've "recovered." Riiiight. By a miracle, I came to believe upon Christ. 3 years in, I'm forgiven, saved+set free. What'd it cost me? My life. In my case, God decided to change me inside and out, which is good because it may not be an actual sin to be ugly, but it is a cardinal sin in the world. Its also a cardinal sin in the world to be a weakling, which I was...and am no longer, thanks only to Christ.
So, yeah...spirit of a sound mind. I'm so supposed to accept that I'm permanently, forever "mentally ill," which I guess is like being sick 24/7. I'm considered "healthy" when I say what the pros what me to say. I'm "sick" when I say I"m not "sick" and when I say or do things the pros disapprove of...which is a lot of things, trust me. This "illness" does not show up on blood work, brain scans, or any other lab work. The "illness" is diagnosed by non-doctors (usually counselors), with the aid of the DSM. "Illnesses" in the DSM are voted in and out of existence by a show of hands.
My "illness" requires "treatment..." indefinitely. Treatment means using pills in un-studied combinations for a long time to treat an illness that itself has never been proven to exist outside of the DSM. If I don't take my pills, they'll arrange for me to be injected, against my will...because refusing pills means I "lack insight..." into a disease that only exists in the DSM.
Spirit not of timidity, but of a sound mind.
Yes, I was sick. I had some kinda weird eating problem at a young age. By 13, I had noticeable hair loss (this was before I ever put any chemicals on my scalp, btw). I was flamboyantly gay for a lot of reasons and suffered because of it. I was too prideful in large part because I needed a thick layer of pride and self-love...so I didn't see reality and kill myself. This was before Christ forgave me, save me, and changed me.
Now, I'm different....and I'm "severely mentally ill," forever and ever (amen).
UGH!
I'm done rambling. Please pray for my freedom and safety. Thanks.
Now, I've been saved 3ish years. Free Gift of Salvation?!?!? Not so much. What doe salvation cost you? Your life!!!!!
It is no longer I who lives, it is Christ who lives in me...
...and thank God for that. Christ isn't NPD, OCD, ADD, ODD, BPD, SZ, or anything like that (and yes...those are all labels applied to --me--, at some point during my misadventures in Mental Health, Inc.). Spirit of power, spirit of love, spirit of a sound mind.
I used to pray "Heal me of narcissism." Now I think...no. That was self-centered in and of itself. The more I love Jesus, the less "sick," deviant, aberrant, disordered I become. You know who's sick? My community. My shrinks. My society.
I am blessed, and increasingly...too blessed to be depressed. Its not just that I'm physically healthy (although that's huge), got my raw intelligence back (that's huge, too), free+safe (big deals, both of those things)...its that I've changed, completely. Every genuinely saved Christian shows a little light of Truth and Christ to the world. I had dead eyes. Now, I have normal, bright eyes. Mental Health, Inc. will say that I "recovered" and such. Well...thing is...you don't really "recover" from: 2x heavy shock, heavy drugging, high dose Rx speed, a blow to head, an untreated sleeping pill OD (--in-- a private, for profit mental hospital, btw), malnutrition, numerous suicide attempts, etc. Oh, and: scarred follicles (that means no regrowth, ever), immune system problems, respiratory problems, cardiovascular problems, dermatological problems, dental problems, stunted growth...
...all this, with minimal, if any, treatment. I used to think...well, I still do this Orthomolecular thing...its high dose vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, etc. It didn't purge my system or bolster my (non-existent) immune system or...anything. I don't know how I was even alive all those years, popping vitamins while in some magical fairy land where vitamin C could cure everything.
No treatment. No cosmetic surgery, either (not surprisingly, I was u-g-l-y at times, sometimes straight up hideous). And yet...I've "recovered." Riiiight. By a miracle, I came to believe upon Christ. 3 years in, I'm forgiven, saved+set free. What'd it cost me? My life. In my case, God decided to change me inside and out, which is good because it may not be an actual sin to be ugly, but it is a cardinal sin in the world. Its also a cardinal sin in the world to be a weakling, which I was...and am no longer, thanks only to Christ.
So, yeah...spirit of a sound mind. I'm so supposed to accept that I'm permanently, forever "mentally ill," which I guess is like being sick 24/7. I'm considered "healthy" when I say what the pros what me to say. I'm "sick" when I say I"m not "sick" and when I say or do things the pros disapprove of...which is a lot of things, trust me. This "illness" does not show up on blood work, brain scans, or any other lab work. The "illness" is diagnosed by non-doctors (usually counselors), with the aid of the DSM. "Illnesses" in the DSM are voted in and out of existence by a show of hands.
My "illness" requires "treatment..." indefinitely. Treatment means using pills in un-studied combinations for a long time to treat an illness that itself has never been proven to exist outside of the DSM. If I don't take my pills, they'll arrange for me to be injected, against my will...because refusing pills means I "lack insight..." into a disease that only exists in the DSM.
Spirit not of timidity, but of a sound mind.
Yes, I was sick. I had some kinda weird eating problem at a young age. By 13, I had noticeable hair loss (this was before I ever put any chemicals on my scalp, btw). I was flamboyantly gay for a lot of reasons and suffered because of it. I was too prideful in large part because I needed a thick layer of pride and self-love...so I didn't see reality and kill myself. This was before Christ forgave me, save me, and changed me.
Now, I'm different....and I'm "severely mentally ill," forever and ever (amen).
UGH!
I'm done rambling. Please pray for my freedom and safety. Thanks.
