Struggling at new church

[Testing]

Hi all. I've been out of fellowship for the best part of 20 years but have recently been regularly going to a new church for about 4 months now.

The church is theologically sound, the pastor is energetic and passionate, the church has community programs plus youth group, children's ministry etc.

When I first started fellowship, the senior pastor introduced himself to me and we spoke a little bit. He seemed genuine and interested in me as a person. After that, I noticed he never engaged with me anymore. A couple of times I've said hello and he's said hello and how are you? in return with no further conversation. His wife I have never spoken to at all.

I had a nice conversation in the beginning with the youth pastor. And same thing. No more conversations afterwards. I tried to engage with him recently and he just mumbled a few words and then walked away. I could clearly see by his facial expressions he was not interested in any dialogue with me. Ditto for the senior pastor. Whenever I say hello I see he's not interested in conversing with me and he just is being polite.

I am greatly discouraged and disheartened. The church is solid in every way but I have no engagement whatsoever with the pastors. Even worse I feel ignored. This is the first Sunday coming up that I want to have a break and not attend. I don't feel I'm of any value and am now considering trying another church fellowship. There is no way I consider these pastors shepherds to me in any way as I have no interactions with them. There are pastors to their church, but not a shepherd or influence to me personally.

I was hoping to get other people's thoughts and opinions. Thank you.

 

[Testing]

Some ministers don’t actually care for Christians who study a lot…

I suppose no pastor wants to hear about a congregant who listens to online preachers like John MacArthur for example. And other online Christian channels. There a great fear in churches today about people forsaking fellowship and just watching and listening to ministers at home, whether livestream or pre recorded.

I've been watching Christian channels years before I came to this church and I continue in physical fellowship. So I'm no threat to anyone.

 

[Hidden In Him]

I suppose no pastor wants to hear about a congregant who listens to online preachers like John MacArthur for example. And other online Christian channels. There a great fear in churches today about people forsaking fellowship and just watching and listening to ministers at home, whether livestream or pre recorded.

I've been watching Christian channels years before I came to this church and I continue in physical fellowship. So I'm no threat to anyone.

I don't think this is it. Granted, I'm just guessing, but I don't think churches would give you the cold shoulder over something like that, normally anyway.

It's something else. Do they place a heavy emphasis on something that you are not participating in, like tithing or church involvement perhaps?

 

[Hidden In Him]

I suppose no pastor wants to hear about a congregant who listens to online preachers like John MacArthur for example. And other online Christian channels. There a great fear in churches today about people forsaking fellowship and just watching and listening to ministers at home, whether livestream or pre recorded.

I've been watching Christian channels years before I came to this church and I continue in physical fellowship. So I'm no threat to anyone.

You're not wearing Black Sabbath shirts to church are you? LoL. I'm being facetious, of course, but it might also be something on the surface - a vibe you are giving off, that might be making them suspicious. So I'm just asking if there is something unique in the way you dress or the color of your hair - like a political identifier or something. Do you have a lot of tattoos? Are you of a different race?

 

[Christ_empowered]

Oh man tithing.

True story…,

I went to a revival while I was living in a small town in another state. Very little money what I did have was graciously provided by my long suffering parents. I didn’t tithe and the face the man made was…

Contempt mixed with ridicule and he didn’t even have to say anything. Painful…

 

[Testing]

I don't think this is it. Granted, I'm just guessing, but I don't think churches would give you the cold shoulder over something like that, normally anyway.

It's something else. Do they place a heavy emphasis on something that you are not participating in, like tithing or church involvement perhaps?

There is no tithing preached, just the usual request for voluntary donations. And it isn't pushed heavily, just asked once before the last song is played. And even if tithing was preached, no one knows what I give. Most people actually give via regular direct bank deposit, I just give in cash during the service.

And I participate in weekly home group.

It's fine I suppose. There is no impropriety in any way and each month, financial statements are shown. I suppose I'm not really understanding this concept of shepherding when I have cordially polite but distant meaningless chit chats only with the pastor. Surely the term shepherd implies deeper relationship than hello and how are you? As I say, others say you can't talk to everyone. Yet after service I see the pastor and his wife regularly talk to certain people each week. And I notice that the very elderly people that I talk to each week, none of the leaders talk to them.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Are you single when most are married? Are you in the age range or an outlier? I’m increasingly with Hidden In Him on this one…

 

[Hidden In Him]

It's fine I suppose. There is no impropriety in any way and each month, financial statements are shown. I suppose I'm not really understanding this concept of shepherding when I have cordially polite but distant meaningless chit chats only with the pastor. Surely the term shepherd implies deeper relationship than hello and how are you? As I say, others say you can't talk to everyone. Yet after service I see the pastor and his wife regularly talk to certain people each week. And I notice that the very elderly people that I talk to each week, none of the leaders talk to them.

Then something could be wrong...

 

[Testing]

You're not wearing Black Sabbath shirts to church are you? LoL. I'm being facetious, of course, but it might also be something on the surface - a vibe you are giving off, that might be making them suspicious. So I'm just asking if there is something unique in the way you dress or the color of your hair - like a political identifier or something. Do you have a lot of tattoos? Are you of a different race?

Dude. Are you a prophet? Like seriously? Since high school, Sabbath has been me favourite band. That is so funny.

But no, I dress respectfully every time. I don't have long hair, tattoos, piercings etc. I dress smart casual like most others. And I've never spoken about rock or secular music to anyone in the church.

But well done guessing my favourite band. I'm impressed!!!

 

[Testing]

Are you single when most are married? Are you in the age range or an outlier? I’m increasingly with Hidden In Him on this one…

Good question. I'm married but I always come by myself. I've told this pastor that my wife is regularly unwell as she has Crohn's disease plus other pathologies. So she's often fatigued and generally unwell.

 

[Hidden In Him]

Dude. Are you a prophet? Like seriously? Since high school, Sabbath has been me favourite band. That is so funny.

But no, I dress respectfully every time. I don't have long hair, tattoos, piercings etc. I dress smart casual like most others. And I've never spoken about rock or secular music to anyone in the church.

But well done guessing me favourite band. I'm impressed!!!

I have what you'd call tendencies, Lol.

If I were you, I'd pray and ask the Lord to reveal to me what's going on. Just pray, and then go to services and group meetings as He leads you, but pay attention to what's going on, and maybe ask questions of those He leads you to ask.

I'm not saying automatically distrust them, but something appears to be off or you wouldn't be feeling this way, so ask the Lord Himself to start revealing what is going on, and don't let up on praying about it until you finally get your answers (James 1:5-8).

Best I could do for now, but you could keep us updated. Maybe there's just more to the story than you know yet.

 

[Testing]

I have what you'd call tendencies, Lol.

If I were you, I'd pray and ask the Lord to reveal to me what's going on. Just pray, and then go to services and group meetings as He leads you, but pay attention to what's going on, and maybe ask questions of those He leads you to ask.

I'm not saying automatically distrust them, but something appears to be off or you wouldn't be feeling this way, so ask the Lord Himself to start revealing what is going on, and don't let up on praying about it until you finally get your answers (James 1:5-8).

Best I could do for now, but you could keep us updated. Maybe there's just more to the story than you know yet.

Thank you for the encouragement. I'm finding this new church a massive culture shock because previously, I went to two different Pentecostal/charismatic churches. And there were no cliques in those churches and I had regular input and fellowship with the pastors. I mean, every week before and after service. This is the first church that I only know the pastors from their preaching onstage and nothing else.

 

[Hidden In Him]

And I've never spoken about rock or secular music to anyone in the church.

We're real enough to speak about it here. I just updated this thread if you wanted to share.

(Note: Not saying go over the Sabbath deep end here either, but just to break the ice, Lol).

Your Favorite Drummer or Guitarist

Or both! So, who is it and post a sample from YouTube.

christianforums.net

P.S. You can also create an introduction thread and share with us about your spiritual walk.

 

[Hidden In Him]

Thank you for the encouragement. I'm finding this new church a massive culture shock because previously, I went to two different Pentecostal/charismatic churches. And there were no cliques in those churches and I had regular input and fellowship with the pastors. I mean, every week before and after service. This is the first church that I only know the pastors from their preaching onstage and nothing else.

So why did you leave the previous churches, if I may ask?

 

[Testing]

We're real enough to speak about it here. I just updated this thread if you wanted to share.

(Note: Not saying go over the Sabbath deep end here either, but just to break the ice, Lol).

Your Favorite Drummer or Guitarist

Or both! So, who is it and post a sample from YouTube.

christianforums.net

P.S. You can also create an introduction thread and share with us about your spiritual walk.

Hey thanks for that. I really appreciate the link. But my fave guitarist is Tony Iommi and my fave drummer is John Bonham.

I just had to put that in.

 

[Testing]

So why did you leave the previous churches, if I may ask?

Good question. The first church folded. And I left the second church because I moved 6 hours away to start university. I was there about 10 years.

 

[jasonc]

Wow!!,this thread went from church social issues to Bruce Lee in no time.

We didn't discuss Jun fan nor his art

 

[Testing]

I suppose I'll just have to accept that this church culture is radically different from my two previous. That's all fine but I consequently can't accept the leaders as shepherds personally. I can honestly say I get more input into my life personally from online preaching and ministries.

 

[Hidden In Him]

Hey thanks for that. I really appreciate the link. But my fave guitarist is Tony Iommi and my fave drummer is John Bonham.

I just had to put that in.

I would have guessed the first, Lol. One of my favorite Sabbath videos was them with Ronnie doing Children of the Sea Live at Wacken, but Satanist stuff is generally too dark for me now, so I leave it alone. Grew up on Zeppelin, so I understand your other vote as well.

Good question. The first church folded. And I left the second church because I moved 6 hours away to start university. I was there about 10 years.

I see.

Well if you are Pentecostal/ Charismatic, did you mention that to them? If they aren't, that could be enough to do it right there.

 

[Testing]

I would have guessed the first, Lol. One of my favorite Sabbath videos was them with Ronnie doing Children of the Sea Live at Wacken, but Satanist stuff is generally too dark for me now, so I leave it alone. Grew up on Zeppelin, so I understand your other vote as well.


I see.

Well if you are Pentecostal/ Charismatic, did you mention that to them? If they aren't, that could be enough to do it right there.

I'm not a Pentecostal at all. I'm just a Christian. I'm sceptical of modern gifts and tongues etc. Also, if I wanted to really listen to "Satanist" stuff, I'd be into some Norwegian death metal. I just love Sabbath because of all their awesome songs, riffs, guitars etc over various lineups, Ozzy, Dio etc. Same reason I listen to Zeppelin, Purple, AC/DC, Rainbow, Uriah Heep etc. As you can see, I'm a classic hard rock fan.

 

[Testing]

But getting back to my question, I suppose I just have to accept that this church culture is different for me personally with no meaningful interactions with the pastors. I just can't justify that in 4 months, that I haven't had a single even brief chat with the pastor's wife and only a couple of chats with the pastor, considering I see that they chat with the same group of people after church, week after week.

And I don't see any leader talking to the group of elderly people I sit near every week.

Just accept I suppose and move on.