Struggling at new church

[Testing]

Hi all. I've been out of fellowship for the best part of 20 years but have recently been regularly going to a new church for about 4 months now.

The church is theologically sound, the pastor is energetic and passionate, the church has community programs plus youth group, children's ministry etc.

When I first started fellowship, the senior pastor introduced himself to me and we spoke a little bit. He seemed genuine and interested in me as a person. After that, I noticed he never engaged with me anymore. A couple of times I've said hello and he's said hello and how are you? in return with no further conversation. His wife I have never spoken to at all.

I had a nice conversation in the beginning with the youth pastor. And same thing. No more conversations afterwards. I tried to engage with him recently and he just mumbled a few words and then walked away. I could clearly see by his facial expressions he was not interested in any dialogue with me. Ditto for the senior pastor. Whenever I say hello I see he's not interested in conversing with me and he just is being polite.

I am greatly discouraged and disheartened. The church is solid in every way but I have no engagement whatsoever with the pastors. Even worse I feel ignored. This is the first Sunday coming up that I want to have a break and not attend. I don't feel I'm of any value and am now considering trying another church fellowship. There is no way I consider these pastors shepherds to me in any way as I have no interactions with them. There are pastors to their church, but not a shepherd or influence to me personally.

I was hoping to get other people's thoughts and opinions. Thank you.

 

[Tenchi]

Wow!!,this thread went from church social issues to Bruce Lee in no time.

Sorry about that. I was a martial arts teacher for a looong time.

 

[Testing]

People can get burned by churches church people. I don’t get it but it seems surprisingly common. Not trying to dig into it just saying that it’s not as if this sort of thing is unheard of in the established church ️.

I’d personally want to try a different church ️. Not that one should be buddy buddy with the leadership but if they’re that closed off and unwilling to even go through standard niceties then I’d go elsewhere. But that’s me and I’m not in church ️.

Thanks for the reply. It happened again this Sunday. After church service, the senior pastor engaged with others, I got a hello and nothing else. The pastor's wife walked past me as she looked at me. It's so frustrating. I seem to come home angry ever week.

 

[Tenchi]

Thanks for the reply. The church has about 80 people I suppose. There's no youth at all and yet there's a youth leader, so I don't understand that.

I have joined a home group which consists of about 10 elderly people. The entire church is all middle aged and older people.

This is a bad sign - the lack of youth, I mean.

It's fine I suppose, something I guess I have to put up with it. But for that reason I don't consider him a shepherd or influence in my life personally. Yes he preaches sermons. But so what? I listen to a lot more sermons online during the week like John MacArthur for example.

This is a really bad dynamic you've got between yourself and the pastor of the church you're attending. Your attitude toward him lends itself to operating outside of, and simply flatly rejecting, his God-given spiritual authority in the community of believers he's leading. If you won't put yourself under his authority, you shouldn't connect yourself to the community over which he's overseer/elder/pastor. Instead, find a group to whose leadership you will submit.

I wonder, were you attending MacArthur's church, if you would expect to have regular, personal interaction with him. I seriously doubt that he would strongly pursue you for such interaction. Would you sit back and grouse about the lack of attention? Or would you recognize that he has a lot on his plate and cut him some slack, plugging into the church regardless of MacArthur's direct interest in you?

Anyway, you really should go to the pastor of your church and talk straight-up with him about your feeling of neglect. He can't read your mind. And he may be waiting to see if you'll hang around before he makes a significant investment in getting to know you. The only way you'll know one way or the other is if you talk to him face-to-face about the situation.

 

[Testing]

This is a bad sign - the lack of youth, I mean.



This is a really bad dynamic you've got between yourself and the pastor of the church you're attending. Your attitude toward him lends itself to operating outside of, and simply flatly rejecting, his God-given spiritual authority in the community of believers he's leading. If you won't put yourself under his authority, you shouldn't connect yourself to the community over which he's overseer/elder/pastor. Instead, find a group to whose leadership you will submit.

I wonder, were you attending MacArthur's church, if you would expect to have regular, personal interaction with him. I seriously doubt that he would strongly pursue you for such interaction. Would you sit back and grouse about the lack of attention? Or would you recognize that he has a lot on his plate and cut him some slack, plugging into the church regardless of MacArthur's direct interest in you?

Anyway, you really should go to the pastor of your church and talk straight-up with him about your feeling of neglect. He can't read your mind. And he may be waiting to see if you'll hang around before he makes a significant investment in getting to know you. The only way you'll know one way or the other is if you talk to him face-to-face about the situation.

This is a small church. I see they pastors talking to others after church regularly. And it happened again this Sunday. The pastor's wife walked past me as she looked at me.

I wouldn't expect the same thing at John MacArthur's church as it's much larger. It's so frustrating, I come home every week angry. I feel so excluded.

 

[GodsGrace]

Hi all. I've been out of fellowship for the best part of 20 years but have recently been regularly going to a new church for about 4 months now.

The church is theologically sound, the pastor is energetic and passionate, the church has community programs plus youth group, children's ministry etc.

When I first started fellowship, the senior pastor introduced himself to me and we spoke a little bit. He seemed genuine and interested in me as a person. After that, I noticed he never engaged with me anymore. A couple of times I've said hello and he's said hello and how are you? in return with no further conversation. His wife I have never spoken to at all.

I had a nice conversation in the beginning with the youth pastor. And same thing. No more conversations afterwards. I tried to engage with him recently and he just mumbled a few words and then walked away. I could clearly see by his facial expressions he was not interested in any dialogue with me. Ditto for the senior pastor. Whenever I say hello I see he's not interested in conversing with me and he just is being polite.

I am greatly discouraged and disheartened. The church is solid in every way but I have no engagement whatsoever with the pastors. Even worse I feel ignored. This is the first Sunday coming up that I want to have a break and not attend. I don't feel I'm of any value and am now considering trying another church fellowship. There is no way I consider these pastors shepherds to me in any way as I have no interactions with them. There are pastors to their church, but not a shepherd or influence to me personally.

I was hoping to get other people's thoughts and opinions. Thank you.

Why do you go to church?
To be friends with the pastor?
He's busy and has a lot to do.
I don't remember being very friendly with any pastor.
Try to make a couple of friends with the other members and go to church to praise God.
And to hear the word and have fellowship with others, if you can.

 

[Testing]

Why do you go to church?
To be friends with the pastor?
He busy and has a lot to do.
I don't remember being very friendly with any pastor.
Try to make a couple of friends with the other members and go to church to praise God.
And to hear the word and have fellowship with others, if you can.
Not all of us are Tom Cruise.

I do have fellowship with various other people in the church. It's however a small church only. It's rude and hurtful to be ignored by the pastors week after week when I see them engaging with others.

And what about when the scriptures talk about submitting to the pastor? How is that possible when I have no engagement with them? Did you think about that? You can have it both ways. Submit to your leader but your leader doesn't interact with you.

I'll submit when he interacts with me. Honestly, I call him the pastor of the church but don't consider him yet as my pastor.

 

[Want2care]

Then he'll know nothing of a solution.
When Jesus ministered to His people, He went straight to the cause of their maladies and sickness and issues. He went to the 'heart' of the matter.
That is true counsel in the Lord.
When Solomon dealt with the two mother's it wasn't enough for him to hear, "She stole my baby!"
He inquired as to what happen.
As a result, he was able to find the true mother and restore her child to her.
I find your interference in this person seeking counsel trobling and unwise. At least you should have waited until the outcome before you judge.
Solomon did.
This individual is free to message me for privacy. Either way, we are either trustworthy with such a question that goes to 'heart' of our faith in Christ, or we are all fakes and have no real counsel to offer at all.
Sincerity is needed in order to address the cause and offer solution.

You appear as though you are an angry person but I forgive you for that. I always wonder what would the unbeliever or non-believer think when he or she reads things like this, for them I also apologize, I believe we are supposed to love each other

 

[Testing]

You appear as though you are an angry person but I forgive you for that. I always wonder what would the unbeliever or non-believer think when he or she reads things like this, for them I also apologize, I believe we are supposed to love each other

Yeah of course at the moment I'm angry. What do you expect? I've been at this new church for 4 months now with no meaningful interactions with any of the church leaders except one-the wife one of the administrators who actually is one of the loveliest persons in church I have ever met. I've chatted with her only about 3 times during my 4 months, but each time I have, she has exuded genuine warmth and care.

But angry you say? When this Sunday just gone the pastor's wife looked at me in the eye as she walked past me.

And you wonder why church numbers are in serious decline in the West.

 

[Want2care]

Yeah of course at the moment I'm angry. What do you expect? I've been at this new church for 4 months now with no meaningful interactions with any of the church leaders except one-the wife one of the administrators who actually is one of the loveliest persons in church I have ever met. I've chatted with her only about 3 times during my 4 months, but each time I have, she has exuded genuine warmth and care.

But angry you say? When this Sunday just gone they pastor's wife looked at me in the eye as she walked past me.

And you wonder why church numbers are in serious decline in the West.

I didn't mean that towards you I didn't realize I quoted yours I'm actually on your side

 

[Want2care]

I didn't mean that towards you I didn't realize I quoted yours I'm actually on your side

That was meant for the Jeremiah individual

 

[Testing]

That was meant for the Jeremiah individual

Oh ok. I'm sorry. I just assumed. My bad.

 

[Want2care]

Oh ok. I'm sorry. I just assumed. My bad.

I have a similar situation going on in my neck of the woods but I would be afraid to discuss it here apparently but know that you are doing great for the fact that you actually care

 

[GodsGrace]

RETURN TO TOPIC PLEASE.
ADDRESS ONLY THE OP,,,,TESTING.
THIS IS NOT A DEBATE FORUM.

DO NOT REPLY TO THIS POST IN THIS THREAD.
USE TALK WITH STAFF IF NECESSARY.

 

[GodsGrace]

I have a similar situation going on in my neck of the woods but I would be afraid to discuss it here apparently but know that you are doing great for the fact that you actually care

Welcome Want2care.

In this particular forum we can only post to the OP.

Sorry for the inconvenience to you.

 

[Testing]

A few people have said well I'm not here to be buddies with the pastors. I know that. But when it's a small church only and the pastors engage in conversations for a good amount of time with others every week, it's disheartening. All I wanted was an occasional brief chat and for the pastors to circulate amongst the congregation evenly. Rather than cliques that I perceive.

Is that too much to ask?

 

[GodsGrace]

A few people have said well I'm not here to be buddies with the pastors. I know that. But when it's a small church only and the pastors engage in conversations for a good amount of time with others every week, it's disheartening. All I wanted was an occasional brief chat and for the pastors to circulate amongst the congregation evenly. Rather than cliques that I perceive.

Is that too much to ask?

Ha!
There are cliques everywhere, even church.
My worry is that you may never find the perfect church..

Yes. It would have to be perfect.
What I found at one church I attended for years was that the pastor spoke to persons that were responsible for something or other. Like the choir teacher for instance.

Or, try going up to him with a real question you may have.

Don't give up easily. 4 months is not that long of a time.

 

[Testing]

Ha!
There are cliques everywhere, even church.
My worry is that you may never find the perfect church..

Yes. It would have to be perfect.
What I found at one church I attended for years was that the pastor spoke to persons that were responsible for something or other. Like the choir teacher for instance.

Or, try going up to him with a real question you may have.

Don't give up easily. 4 months is not that long of a time.

I'm sorry I disagree. 4 months is plenty of time for the church leaders to get around and have some meaningful interactions with a new person. For goodness sakes, when you run a small church only and you leave a new person dissatisfied after 4 months, what would you be like running a large church?

But I suppose that's the state of the church in the West. And you wonder why young people and gen Z want nothing to do with the Christian church.

 

[GodsGrace]

I'm sorry I disagree. 4 months is plenty of time for the church leaders to get around and have some meaningful interactions with a new person. For goodness sakes, when you run a small church only and you leave a new person dissatisfied after 4 months, what would you be like running a large church?

But I suppose that's the state of the church in the West. And you wonder why young people and gen Z want nothing to do with the Christian church.

I agree.
They could make an effort to be friendly.
Yes. Gen Z is totally turned off.
In one generation...
This does not help.

 

[Testing]

I agree.
They could make an effort to be friendly.
Yes. Gen Z is totally turned off.
In one generation...
This does not help.

I just think to myself this. If I'm committed to fellowship because of what is clearly stated in the scriptures, but I'm struggling with it, then no wonder others aren't going. Especially when the deconstruction movement and "spiritual but not religious" and "I have my own personal walk with God" movements and personas are so popular now.

Church leaders need to do better. Even yesterday in church I was talking with my home group leader. As usual, I had to approach him, never the other way around. But anyway, his wife was standing next to him, whom I have never met. And the whole time I was talking to him, she never said hello or introduced herself to me.

Guys, we need to do better in church especially in the West where it's on a serious decline.

 

[Want2care]

Welcome Want2care.

In this particular forum we can only post to the OP.

Sorry for the inconvenience to you.

I understand thank you I'm only interested in meaningful discussions sorry if it appeared otherwise