Deliverance from Darkness Posing as Light
The Testimony of Esther Ruth
“Then if any man shall say unto you, Lo, here is Christ, or there; believe it not. For there shall arise false christs, and false prophets, and shall show great signs and wonders, insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect. Behold, I have told you before. Wherefore, if they shall say unto you, Behold, he is in the desert; go not forth: behold, he is in the secret chambers; believe it not. For as the lightning cometh out of the east, and shineth even unto the west, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be†(Matthew 24:23-27).
By following a false christ into the desert and seeing signs and wonders, I have lived this Scripture passage. Praise be to God Who by His great mercy delivered me from the blinding delusion of darkness.
Background
During the late 80’s and throughout the 90’s, I was being caught up in the apparition phenomenon going on around the world. It seemed as if “Mary†was appearing to give directions to “her children†before the end came. It was explained that only those under the protection of Mary would be saved, that her Son was sending her before him to announce His coming. For centuries this has been the carefully devised myth within the Roman Catholic church.
Mary had been elevated to a position equal to her Son. In the minds of those of us who were controlled by Rome, we were honoring the “Mother of Godâ€Â, not worshiping her. Theologians explained away the second commandment
“Thou shalt not make unto thee any carved image…Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them…†(Exodus 20: 4a & 5a). Who were we to question those who had been appointed as the “descendents of Peter and the Apostles� Didn’t Scripture tell us that Jesus had appointed Peter to be the rock upon which His church is established?
A friend who traveled to Fatima, Lourdes, and Medjugore began to educate me further about Mary. I listened attentively as she told me that Mary was appointed dispenser of all grace. Jesus died for our sins, but He gave Mary the power to dispense the grace He had obtained for us on Calvary. As my friend continued, I was more deeply drawn into Rome’s web of deception. This false teaching blinded me to the truth of 1 Timothy 2:5
“For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man, Christ Jesus.â€Â
Idolatry
Messages of “Mary†from Medjugorje, Fatima, Garabandal, Conyers, La Salette and many other places contributed to my participation in idolatrous thinking and practices. Dwelling in the “immaculate heart of Mary†was presented as the only protection from the wrath of God. This “Mary of the apparitions†was replacing Jesus in the minds of those who has been seduced by her siren song.
Soon “Mary†began to appear in my own locale as “our lady of lightâ€Â. This apparition supposedly told a seer that she would appear at St. Joseph's Church in Cold Springs, Kentucky at midnight on August 31, 1992. Those of us who were “in on†this event eagerly waited for “Mary†to come down from heaven to dispense her grace upon us. Come, she did, with lights and sensations and visions; with power that turned medals and rosaries golden in color. Many described the event as a “light showâ€Â.
Video tapes and pictures of these lights were mass produced. The "messages" of the apparition were published in books to be spread around the world. Only a donation was requested for these materials in order to keep it a non-profit organzation. Money came flooding in from all around the world and people came in busloads. The bishop and the local government were angry. Word spread that their anger was a test of our faith. Would we listen to the bishop and the local government officials or would we listen to the “Mother of God� This "Mary" of the apparitions won hands down with those who were becoming more entangled in the myth.
Since I was scheduled to work on August 31, 1992 and believed God could reach me wherever I was, I did not attend this first "light show". Although I knew God was everywhere and I did not need to experience an apparition or go on a pilgrimage to find Him, I was enticed by the messages and manifestations of the apparitions. I read messages from Medjugorje and many other other places claiming to be receiving messages from Heaven. My friend brought me a video of the “light show†which I played all through the year thinking it was something very special. The video together with continually watching Mother Angelica on TV, reading messages from all around the world and getting caught up with a circle of people who were “in on†apparitions all contributed to drawing me more deeply into spiritual darkness.
We had not heard what Jeremiah had said in chapter 7:17-20 about the queen of heaven:
- “Seest thou not what they do in the cities of Judah and in the streets of Jerusalem? The children gather wood, and the fathers kindle the fire, and the women knead their dough, to make cakes to the queen of heaven, and to pour out drink offerings unto other gods, that they may provoke me to anger. Do they provoke me to anger? saith the Lord. Do they not provoke themselves to the confusion of their own faces? Therefore thus says the Lord God, Behold, mine anger and my fury shall be poured out upon this place, upon man, and upon beast, and upon the trees of the field, and upon the fruit of the ground; and it shall burn and shall not be quenched.â€Â
These words of Scripture struck me like a bolt of lightning when I first read them. I was convicted of worshipping the queen of heaven as described in Jeremiah. This was the work of the Holy Spirit because with the conviction of my sin I was offered the grace to turn from idolatrous worship of “Mary†who had falsely been given the title “Mother of Godâ€Â. Mary is Mother only of the humanity of Jesus Christ, the unique God-Man. In His Deity He is without beginning. Despite years of brainwashing in the church of Rome, the power of the Holy Spirit gave me an understanding of the Word of God. Although there would still be a long pursuit through the darkness before the truths of God’s Word would set me free from Rome, her vise-like grip was beginning to loosen.
The Pope was traveling all over the world meeting with heads of state and giving praise to “Maryâ€Â. People came from everywhere just to kiss his feet. Youth Conferences were being organized around the world to carry on the work of the Pope with enthusiasm and zeal. All ages were being led to give to “Maryâ€Â, the homage due to God alone. As spiritual leader of the church of Rome, the pope was leading all members of his flock into consecrating themselves to "Mary". He was often seen kneeling before statues of "Mary" while praying to her. He led his subjects to bow their knees to images said to be the "Mother of God". He gave credit to "Mary's" intervention when his life was spared in an assassination attempt. I falsely reasoned that if the Pope was leading us to bow before statues and consecrate ourselves to the "immaculate heart of Maryâ€Â, this must be what God would have us do. After all, the Pope was appointed to be the head of the church on earth.
“Messages from Heavenâ€Â
By this time, I was attending daily mass, spending lots of time in eucharistic adoration, and praying my rosary throughout the day. But, thanks be to God, I still read my Bible daily; I loved the Scriptures. The Lord used His Word to keep my soul from being completely closed to truth.
Several people began to emerge from this apparition phenomenon as receiving major messages from Heaven. There was a woman who had received the original message telling her of “our lady of lightâ€Â. Another woman said she was led to a farm in Falmouth, Kentucky by a voice from heaven and a Jesuit theologian said he had seen "Mary" appear on August 31, 1992. He said he was receiving messages from Jesus and Mary to renew the priesthood, the church, and the world. Various other visionaries crept out of the woodwork hearing voices and having visions. The web was intricately woven to capture as many as possible as “voices†gathered followers from far and wide.
A multitude of books with messages from "Heaven" were published. Then, the visionaries began fighting among one another. Each tried to say his/her messages were the only authentic ones. Others were said to be messages received from satan to counteract their messages - this became the war cry of the visionaries in their power struggle. At the same time, messages from "our lady of light" were put out not to talk about one another. “She†was saying all of the gossip was attempting to destroy “her work†in this area.
- "But Jesus knew their thoughts, and said to them: "Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand. 26 If Satan casts out Satan, he is divided against himself. How then will his kingdom stand?" (Matthew 12: 25-26 NKJV).
“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places†(Ephesians 6:12).
I tried to stay out of the infighting and to focus on God. During daily mass and while in eucharistic adoration I spent time contemplating Jesus. I did not like the battles and shunned being with the in crowd who seemed to be caught up in their own importance. The visionary I was eventually enticed into following also spent lots of time in eucharistic adoration. Many said it was strange that she would tremble as she sat before the eucharist. I felt sorry for her because I saw her as being "picked on". She would often come into the chapel with her hair all disheveled and her coat having lots of lint all over it. I thought she needed help. I did not like the attitude of those who would talk about her. At that time I did not think it was possible for anyone to be possessed before the eucharist. Now, as I look back, I know that this could be true.
Eucharistic adoration is idolatry. How can Jesus be present body, blood, soul and divinity in the eucharist when Scripture clearly tells us that His body is in Heaven sitting at the right hand of the Father? Only with the leading of the Holy Spirit through the Scriptures have I been able to acknowledge this. In the past I would never have dared to think such a thing. Scripture tells us that worshipping anything made by human hands is idolatry.
"Their land also is full of idols; they worship the work of their own hands, that which their own fingers have made:" God’s Word also tells us that Jesus died for our sins, was resurrected on the third day and ascended into Heaven. Acts 1:9-11
"And when He had spoken these things, while they beheld, He was taken up; and a cloud received him out of their sight. And while they looked steadfastly toward heaven as He went up, behold, two men stood by them in white apparel; Which also said, Ye men of Galilee, why stand ye gazing up into heaven? this same Jesus, which is taken up from you into heaven, shall so come in like manner as ye have seen Him go into heaven" (Isaiah 2:8).
Before His second coming Jesus Himself told us that many would come telling us that they are the Christ and they will work great signs and wonders, enough to fool the elect if that were possible. He told us not to go into the desert following after these false christs and not to go into the secret chambers. Jesus knew about those who would try to lead us astray with false "messages" presenting another gospel and another "Jesus". --
- "And Jesus answered and said to them: "Take heed that no one deceives you. For many will come in My name, saying, 'I am the Christ,' and will deceive many" (Matthew 24:4,5).
"Then many false prophets will rise up and deceive many" (Matthew 24:11).
"Then if anyone says to you, 'Look, here is the Christ!' or 'There!' do not believe it. For false christs and false prophets will rise and show great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect. See, I have told you beforehand. Therefore if they say to you, 'Look, He is in the desert!' do not go out; or 'Look, He is in the inner rooms!' do not believe it. For as the lightning comes from the east and flashes to the west, so also will the coming of the Son of Man be" (Matthew 24:23-27).
Chosen to come out of the darkness
During the recruitment phase of being enticed into following the false prophetess, I was told she was receiving messages never heard before from "Jesus". These messages were to make the Scriptures plain and to renew the priesthood, the church and the world. Coupled with the writings of the Jesuit theologian, these messages would be spread all over the world. Priests were the primary targets for this "movement" for they were the ones most important to the continuation of the "daily sacrifice". Without the priests, Jesus would no longer be present to us in the eucharist. We were told the world would enter into darkness, if the priests were not renewed through the messages of the false prophetess and the writings of the Jesuit theologian.
Lay people would be recruited from around the world to start prayer groups for priests. This would be a grass roots effort. The voice channeled through the false prophetess that called itself “Jesus†would give explicit instructions regarding what we must do. We would be responsible for initiating the reign of the sacred heart on earth. The Jesuit theologian had been named by the visionary receiving the messages from "our lady of light". The "our lady of light" voice told a seer that this priest was to be the spiritual director of a vital ministry to renew the priesthood, the church and the world. He would be the one responsible for discerning the authenticity of messages received by all "visionary/locutionists" involved in his specific ministry. The voices received by the Jesuit priest were dictating prayers to be said for the renewal of the priesthood. He was to write a newsletter to be sent to every priest in the world to initiate their renewal so the world would be kept from darkness. There was a world-wide web of interconnectedness of "visionary/locutionistsâ€Â. Most of them had been to Medjugorje. Many had begun receiving "locutions" (channeled messages) at Medjugorje or shortly after returning from this place of apparitions. Many had been avid followers of Nancy Fowler of Conyers, Georgia.
The "prayer group to pray for priests" developed into a most time consuming venture as the voice demanded more and more time from us. It was not the simple commitment I had thought it would be when I joined. Initially, we met once a week to recite the prayers which had been dictated to the spiritual director via his voices. We would then recite the rosary during which the false prophetess would receive "locutions" and deliver them to the group in attendance. The channeled voices were usually identified as "Jesus". At times, this voice would identify itself as "Mary". Other times it would identify itself as "God the Father". Often the groups would last for over three hours because of the volume of messages received. As this woman would have visions, she would describe them to us. Often others in the group would have visions as well. Statues would light up, move and even bleed at times. Often they would cry. It was as if we were under a spell which caused me to think that I was in the holiest of all places.
I didn't realize what was really happening until I had been delivered by the Blood of Jesus and my mind was cleansed by His Word clearing the fog of these magical influences. During the initial phases of this group, the channeled voice would bombard us with words of its unconditional love for us. This is part of the recruitment phase. The hooks are thrown out to catch the fish who are gullible enough to bite. The bait was a channeled voice identifying itself as "Jesus". It told us of its love for us and how it needed us to bring about the reign of the sacred heart. The signs and wonders accompanying all of this were powerful. In cult building terminology, this is called "love bombing".
Building a Tower of Babel
Often this voice would speak in a whisper so low that one would have to strain to be able to hear the important message. These whispers were like lulls leading our prayer group into the twilight zone of the spell. After my deliverance from this cult, I was astonished when I read this Scripture:
- "And thou shalt be brought down, and shalt speak out of the ground, and thy speech shall be low out of the dust, and thy voice shall be, as of one that hath a familiar spirit, out of the ground, and thy speech shall whisper out of the dust" (Isaiah 29:4).
The voice I heard whispering from the dust was that of a demonic spirit.
Sometimes the voice would get very loud. Sometimes it would sound pathetic enough to almost break your heart. Often it would say that many had been called; but few had been chosen. We believed we had been chosen and given the "privilege" many throughout the centuries desired - the mission of ushering in the "reign of the sacred heart". Names of the chosen in attendance were often called out making one feel special to “Godâ€Â, one of the "elite". Oftentimes the voice said that we were few in number and had to work even harder because many had refused the call. The implication was that those who had refused to join the "ministry" or to obey the messages were refusing “Godâ€Â.
Scriptures were twisted and distorted to present meanings not intended by God. The Word of God was maligned by the father of lies. This insidious process step by slow and deliberate step wove lies that subtly twisted truth. Themes of the Good Shepherd calling His sheep were used leading us to follow the self-appointed “hired handsâ€Â, not the Good Shepherd. Attempting to imitate God, Mary, angels or saints, the voice of the deceiver entices, is heavenly sounding and often accompanied by signs and wonders.
Often the voice quoted Scriptures referring to light, causing most to think that this voice was, indeed, from Jesus. Rather, it was from the angel who had once been called Lucifer (angel of light); but is now called satan because he fell from Heaven. Scripture tells us in 2 Corinthians 11:13-15 --
- "For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into apostles of Christ. And no wonder! For Satan himself transforms himself into an angel of light. Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also transform themselves into ministers of righteousness, whose end will be according to their works."
As we attended the prayer groups listening to this voice channeled through the false prophetess, we thought we were entering more deeply into the mystery of God. Instead we were entering more deeply into another realm, the mystery of gnosticism (receiving secret knowledge that enlightens). The false prophetess often told us that we were receiving "lights" so that we could understand the messages. Our minds were being taken over not by a voice from God, but by the father of lies who is out to deceive as many as possible in these last days. We thought we were climbing the ladder to Heaven; but we were erecting, once again, a Tower of Babel and climbing the staircase of pride.
We began to think ourselves as more special than any of God's other children on earth. The voice told us that we were the crème de la crème; we were being given more graces than others had ever received throughout all time because we were ushering in the new era, the reign of the “sacred heart". The voice told us that the priest was closer to God than anyone had ever been. Something did not seem right about all this talk of closeness to God. However, I still thought that Jesus would work it all out to His glory. He is doing that; but not in the way I expected at the time. His grace continues to amaze me every day.
In time, I quit my job, dispensed with most of my belongings and moved to the first property purchased by this group. This property would be the international headquarters for the worldwide movement. Eventually an order of priests and nuns would be established we were told. All was being arranged in an organized manner by the voice. The voice named those it wanted for jobs in its "ministry". Our assignments told us exactly what to do with almost every moment of our day. During that time, I believed the priest and the false prophetess had the "inside scoop on God's will for me.
At first the voice of the false prophetess called us prayer group members, gradually it began to call us shepherds. Initially, only priests were called shepherds; but now those who followed the voice were elevated to this position. After some time being called shepherds, the voice began calling us apostles. Before this change in titles for the members of the group, only bishops were called apostles. Gradually, the voice began to introduce a new order of priests and nuns to be based on the messages of this voice. It would plaintively bemoan how the priests and nuns had gone astray and desperately needed to be renewed. This voice said the priests and nuns it would raise up would renew the priesthood and the religious orders through its messages which would be Scripture one day. It said that, as we read and listened to these messages, they would go into our hearts and "Jesus" would live within us.
Because God was so merciful as to deliver me and teach me through His Word -- the full and complete Word of God in Sacred Scripture -- I now know that this voice was gradually taking us away from the Word of God to raise up another scripture and another "Jesus". This cult was out to deceive the world through transforming minds through its mind control and spiritual deception.
After the Lord delivered me from the ensnarement of the cult, I encountered someone who told me that the members closest to the "visionary" were now being called saints.
Once delivered from this cult, I began avidly studying cult structure. I realized that, with the title of saint, the members could now be persuaded to do anything the voice told it to do while believing they would not suffer eternal consequences; but would be rewarded in Heaven for unconditional obedience. This is the point at which cults become most dangerous because violence is excused if done for the good of the group. This was the thinking of the Roman church when the inquisition was instituted. This was also the thinking of the cult of the Restoration of the Ten Commandments in Uganda when the people were called to the chapel for an urgent message from "Mary" - the chapel was sealed and ignited with kerosene and the members all went up in flames. Thinking they were pleasing God, they were really following a false gospel. This was the thinking of Jim Jones just before the mass suicide/murders occurred. Evil justifies itself by claiming to be God. Then begins the climb up the ladder of pride followed by justifying hatred of all outside the "chosen" group, even murder is justified as the Name of God is taken in vain. This same reasoning is the justification for Jihad (holy wars).
Tightening the Bondage
After moving into the cult headquarters, my life was scrutinized day and night. I had no personal freedom. Every thought, word and deed was dictated by messages coming from the voice. Sometimes these messages were given to me privately as the "visonary/locutionist" channeled the spirit who called itself "Jesus", sometimes they were in the messages of the rosaries as the themes of the channeled spirit were said to apply to certain individuals who had been given specific tasks by the voice and sometimes they were in written form as the false prophetess received messages through automatic writing.
A typed list of petitions were to be said hourly as long as the members of the inner circle of the false prophetess were awake "or the movement would collapse and the reign of the sacred heart†would not occur. This list grew until there were over 38 petitions to be read every hour by the time of my deliverance. In addition to these petitions, every 3 hours the prayers written by the priest were added to the must do list. Gradually more and more words to read and "prayers" to be said at a certain time and in just the right format were added. It was emphasized that every word was important in the prayers. They could not be changed. In witchcraft, the words have to be pronounced exactly and at just the right time so that the demons can be called up. Even then I recalled this Scripture from Matthew 23:14,
"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you devour widows' houses, and for a pretense make long prayers. Therefore you will receive greater condemnation." I often told those closest to me that I had prayers in my heart which I could not get out because of the words the spirit commanded me to recite. I had prayers in my heart; but my heart was being clogged with an abundance of neurotic formulae.
Daily mass was a must (eventually twice daily mass was strongly encouraged). Daily eucharistic adoration for at least an hour was also required as well as daily readings from books "given" to the false prophetess by the voice and daily listening to tapes of the voice. The list grew and grew of things to do to please this "god" of the false prophetess and the priest. Special days were set aside with special prayers to be said in honor of such things as the dates of the appearances of our lady of Fatima. After my deliverance from the bondage of the cult this Scripture leaped off the page to me:
- "Hear the word of the Lord, you rulers of Sodom; give ear to the law of our God, you people of Gomorrah: ‘ To what purpose is the multitude of your sacrifices to Me?’ says the Lord. ‘I have had enough of burnt offerings of rams and the fat of fed cattle. I do not delight in the blood of bulls, or of lambs or goats. When you come to appear before Me, who has required this from your hand, to trample My courts? Bring no more futile sacrifices; incense is an abomination to Me. The New Moons, the Sabbaths, and the calling of assemblies -- I cannot endure iniquity and the sacred meeting. Your New Moons and your appointed feasts My soul hates; they are a trouble to Me, I am weary of bearing them. When you spread out your hands, I will hide My eyes from you; even though you make many prayers, I will not hear. Your hands are full of blood’ " (Isaiah 1:10-15).
More and more this "god" was beginning to look like an ogre instead of the God of the Bible. As I was traveling to the new center assigned to me by the voice after being inducted into the newly established religious order, it occurred to me that this "god" being channeled seemed to be under the control of the false prophetess and was so very small compared to Yahweh, the Almighty God of the Scriptures. This "god" was bigger than me but inifinitely smaller than the God of the Scriptures, the Creator of Heaven and earth. This turning point for me was made possible by grace. I praise God for His mercy and grace offered to me while I was living in idolatry. “But God commendeth his love toward us in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us†(Romans 5:8). When Jesus gave His life on the Cross of Calvary so long ago, He knew me and where I would wander.
The Scripture:
“I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep, and am known of mine.†John 10:14 was quoted routinely so members would think that the voice came from Jesus and He was shepherding us through this "ministry". The voice would also call out names of those present to make them think they were being called by Jesus to a special role in the cult.
My grandmother had often quoted the following verses to me when I was a child:
- “For the Son of Man has come to save that which was lost. What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them goes astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine and go to the mountains to seek the one that is straying? And if he should find it, assuredly, I say to you, he rejoices more over that sheep than over the ninety-nine that did not go astray. Even so it is not the will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish" (Matthew 18:11-14).
God planted these Words in my heart. As powerful as the demonic spirit is, it could not remove this truth.
Gradually the concept that we were not to read any materials other than the materials published by this cult was introduced. All communication with the outside world was being taken away; we were not to listen to anythng other than the tapes of the cult, no radio, no television, no other tapes were permitted. Step by step we were being isolated from everyone except the cult members. Our families and friends were labeled as "being operated by Satan to destroy the movement". Anyone who was anyone to “god†would have joined this cult the voice told us. Those who did not join were described as not pleasing to God and so He had not sent them the grace to recognize this "movement" as "His family".
(Continued in Next Post)
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