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the ladies make me nervous...am I 13 again?

Christ_empowered

Christ_empowered

Member
OK, so I'm 26, I used to be actively gay. Now that I've become celibate, women make me kind of nervous. Sometimes, for no apparent reason, I just feel awkward around them. And there's this feeling like..I don't understand them. I've never had this before. I was always the gay friend who girls would flirt with and then hang out with and bring all their problems to.

What is going on? Any advice on how to make myself a little less awkward? Is this some sort of weird un-gaying process?
 
I applaud you for being so strong. I think the nervousness is a normal thing. Even though I am a straight woman, I used to get nervous around men all of the time. I still get nervous around people in general... hehe. I would just give it some time. I think it will fade away. Just don't try to push yourself... I'm sure you'll do just fine. :yes
 
I don't know about any "un-gaying" process but you know, in a way you very well might be "13 again"...

My degree is in child and human development and it's very natural for people to go through certain stages in life...so natural as a matter of fact, that if they miss a stage for any reason...there is a tendency later in life to go through it.

I know we went with this with my daughter who missed some very key stages in her early years due to the chaos of her first 3 years (adopted from foster care)...we had to play "catch-up" at times, when she would sort of "go back" and work through the process.

So if, when you were 13 (the age, more or less, when guys do get all awkward and nervous around girls) you were just being one of the "gayfriends" instead of looking at girls in the way most 13 year old boys do...you very well might be going back and processing through that stage again.

There is a word for this...was on a test I took sometime in the dim past...oh well...

But, as for making it any less awkward? I don't know...even hetero guys in their 30's can be pretty doggone awkward...I know, I dated some of them.

:lol 'Smatter of fact, my own beloved Steve was positively goofy at times when we first started dating...and we were both well into our 30's. I thought it was pretty adorable.
 
Christ_empowered said:
OK, so I'm 26, I used to be actively gay. Now that I've become celibate, women make me kind of nervous. Sometimes, for no apparent reason, I just feel awkward around them. And there's this feeling like..I don't understand them. I've never had this before. I was always the gay friend who girls would flirt with and then hang out with and bring all their problems to.

What is going on? Any advice on how to make myself a little less awkward? Is this some sort of weird un-gaying process?
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CE, this is a beautiful thing! Your heart is healing and your being delivered, and slowly but surely, you are transforming into the man that Christ always intended for you to be!

I want to second what Handy said. It sounds like you missed this stage of your life and are going back to "do it." Perhaps, our resident psychologist PouringRain can expound on this some more. I know that when our emotions are crippled we must go back to the stage in life when they were crippled to heal and learn and grow.

What you are feeling is completely normal. Do you remember the call in Song of Solomon, "Do not awaken love until it so desires" (My paraphrase version lol). Well, it seems that the Lord is so desiring that it is time to awaken a holy and pure love for the opposite sex in you. This is a beautiful thing!

I still get nervous and awkward around guys! It's completely normal, and like handy said it's so adorable when guys get nervous and awkward around us gals :lol
 
Christ_empowered said:
OK, so I'm 26, I used to be actively gay. Now that I've become celibate, women make me kind of nervous. Sometimes, for no apparent reason, I just feel awkward around them. And there's this feeling like..I don't understand them. I've never had this before. I was always the gay friend who girls would flirt with and then hang out with and bring all their problems to.

What is going on? Any advice on how to make myself a little less awkward? Is this some sort of weird un-gaying process?
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i can relate to this somewhat as i always was ackward around women. i believe that you are being healed from this former lifestyle.Rather then being a feminine male type or what ever self/satanic version of a man you made yourself. God is by his word changing you.

of course you wouldnt understand women.:lol there different and have Hormones!
For me it is being able to be both manly and emotional. the days of self-loathing gotta stop. i must be me.
 
Thanks for the replies. I think it is part of the healing process. I'm not an uber-macho man's man or anything, but I do think that I've become less effeminate/more masculine over the past 2+/- years, and I've also become less attracted to other guys. Now, I guess that I'm finally experiencing women as the "other"; not necessarily "opposite" to me (like I said, I'm definitely not macho), but definitely different from me.

I just wish it wasn't so awkward, lol.
 
Christ_empowered said:
Thanks for the replies. I think it is part of the healing process. I'm not an uber-macho man's man or anything, but I do think that I've become less effeminate/more masculine over the past 2+/- years, and I've also become less attracted to other guys. Now, I guess that I'm finally experiencing women as the "other"; not necessarily "opposite" to me (like I said, I'm definitely not macho), but definitely different from me.

I just wish it wasn't so awkward, lol.
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God isnt done with you. i am still being healed from porn/ and bisexuality. the later being 15yrs ago when i repented.
 
yeah...you're right...I keep either a) expecting transformation to happen on MY terms and timetable, and then getting frustrated when it takes a while and/or involves a certain amount of discomfort; or b) expecting nothing to happen in terms of personal growth and transformation, and then I end up feeling both happy (awesome, I'm not as effeminate or as homosexual) but also nervous (just where, exactly, is God going with this?)

Again, thanks for the post.
 
Christ_empowered said:
yeah...you're right...I keep either a) expecting transformation to happen on MY terms and timetable, and then getting frustrated when it takes a while and/or involves a certain amount of discomfort; or b) expecting nothing to happen in terms of personal growth and transformation, and then I end up feeling both happy (awesome, I'm not as effeminate or as homosexual) but also nervous (just where, exactly, is God going with this?)

Again, thanks for the post.
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CE, I've been there. Waiting for God can be frustrating when it doesn't happen on our time table. It seems likes it's never going to happen. Believe me when I say that you will get to the point where there's a "break" somewhere and your frustration will cease. Healing is uncomfortable, but it doesn't last forever.

I'm overjoyed to see what God is doing in your life.
 
theLords said:
CE, I've been there. Waiting for God can be frustrating when it doesn't happen on our time table. It seems likes it's never going to happen. Believe me when I say that you will get to the point where there's a "break" somewhere and your frustration will cease. Healing is uncomfortable, but it doesn't last forever.

I'm overjoyed to see what God is doing in your life.
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ill say.:grumpy
 
jasoncran said:
no. my emotional healing and also the anger issues that i see that i have left from wartime service. totally nothing with you.
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I was teasing, sorry Mr. Cranberry.

I understand what you're going through. You will find healing! Remember the emotion of anger is not unholy in and of itself. You can express righteous anger. I'm praying for you dear friend.
 
theLords said:
I was teasing, sorry Mr. Cranberry.

I understand what you're going through. You will find healing! Remember the emotion of anger is not unholy in and of itself. You can express righteous anger. I'm praying for you dear friend.
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as i rant here at times.lol mr.cranberry. i almost forgot that..:lol , anyway..

i rant to myself. i did that today over my stupidity. for some reason the slack adjusters on a garbage truck on the tandmen axles wouldnt move. i rant on how evil the engineer is as usual. the parking brake engaged and of course one cant move the slack adjuster when spring pressure is applied.:grumpy so once it was realeased the adjusters moved. twenty minutes of looking an idiot. usually i hear the brakes engage as pressure drops .in this case it was a silent but deadly attack.

was it you or l'chante that posted that mr.cranberry thing?
 
And there's this feeling like..I don't understand them.
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That never goes away! :p

I can't speak about what it might be to be gay or recovering from it as I have never experienced it but like pizzaguy I can tell you that being nervous around the opposite sex is common for me even yet today and I'm 52 and in my second marriage.
 
jasoncran said:
as i rant here at times.lol mr.cranberry. i almost forgot that..:lol , anyway..

i rant to myself. i did that today over my stupidity. for some reason the slack adjusters on a garbage truck on the tandmen axles wouldnt move. i rant on how evil the engineer is as usual. the parking brake engaged and of course one cant move the slack adjuster when spring pressure is applied.:grumpy so once it was realeased the adjusters moved. twenty minutes of looking an idiot. usually i hear the brakes engage as pressure drops .in this case it was a silent but deadly attack.

was it you or l'chante that posted that mr.cranberry thing?
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Totally me! And I won't say more so as not to derail our brothers thread ;)
 
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