[__ Prayer __] the neighbors+me, probation

[Christ_empowered]

The neighbors are having this one set of people over. I've never seen them (my parents have all kindsa trees and plants in our yard, up against their chain link fenced in back yard, so I can't see them all that well), but they drive a red care. Anyway...I got out of the car, and sure enough: once I walked near my front door, some lady was talking about my hair, and some man was talking about "probation violations." Keep in mind...they've been talking about "probation violations" for months now, maybe over 6 months, and I'm still very much doing well on probation, free and safe. Of course...they also talk about "felonies," and I was plea bargain-ed down to a ((serious)) misdemeanor. And they talk about a "public defender" when I was blessed; my parents had the time, money, and inclination to get me a good attorney.

I don't know what to do. The other day, I was out on the porch a bit before 5 AM and some dude over there was saying "yeah, he got fat, but he'd be a good lil sissy," or something like that. It gets frustrating. I used to look too feminine, in the face. I think it was a hormonal thing, I mean...after everything I did, and the things that were done to me, its amazing that I even lived long enough to get saved, age 28, about 3 1/2 years ago. These days...my face is remarkably normal. I'm remarkably normal. I don't even have the tiny button nose I had when I was younger, or the squeaky voice, or....

...you get the picture. This little incident is minor, all things considered, but...it gets old. It gets really, really old, and really, really tiring. I tried to tell my parents about it, with mixed results. My mom said she'd need details about who was talking about me, which is hard when there's a big ole "green fence" between us.

I'm getting better about dealing with it. I'm fairly certain that now people just want me in jail, prison, or...if we had a state mental hospital...in there. Basically, the townies want me out of society, stat. I'm blessed all over, that's for sure. My people have forgiven me and they've "moved up in the world" a bit. I still have to go to a shrink (I know, right?!?!), but now they're reasonably kind to me and I get quality counseling.

Ugh. Please pray for...something. For this situation to mellow out. For me to mellow out and toughen up. The Truth is...I live in comfort, freedom, and safety. A "Class A" misdemeanor isn't ideal, but...it is what it is. Probation isn't terrible for a 1st offense misdemeanor, either. Breeze in to see your officer every 3 months, pay monthly, and stay out of trouble. Oh, and keep up with Rx meds and counseling. That, too.

I don't think I can move out until I"m off probation. I'm really not clear on --when-- that will be. I was given a suspended sentence and the max probation (5 years) allowed under state law. My former officer tried to get me discharged early, but the shrink who filed the charges balked at that. I looked it up, and a lot of people are given credit for each month they/we successfully complete probation. A lot of time...20 days per 30 days of supervision, something like that. So...it'd be nice to be off probation before 5 years is up, but I'm wondering if the doctor will let it happen. Basically, I sent a bunch of emails to a former shrink because of everything...the shock treatments, the pressure people had me under, etc. I'm blessed that I got a misdemeanor, because that particular psychiatrist despises me. That much is clear.

So...now that I've rambled...please pray about probation, too. I do not think anyone who hasn't dealt with being a "mental patient" can fully appreciate how difficult it can be just to have any kinda normal life with the stigma. And then...an angry ex-shrink tries to have you sent to prison...rough times, indeed.

OK. I'm done now. Prayers, prayers, prayers...prayers are always appreciated.

 

[AirDancer]

Prayers continue for you & your family, Christ_empowered

 

[Eugene]

.
Brother Christ_empowered, I hope you know that I offer prayer regularly for you, and is there still no way you can afford to purchase some form of recording device to set close to your fence to document the verbal harassment directed toward you? If nothing more than vindication for you that it isn't your past affecting your thoughts, truth can be a release from the burdens you have. If you're just living around jerks you can learn to ignore them and become even more of an overcomer in Christ. If you come to find that it is you condemning you of perceived sin you're not accepting full assurance of the complete healing available, there is need to seek the freedom you can have just for the asking in Jesus' name and believing. Easier said than done? My Savior died for everything you've ever done, or will ever do. You've believed for your salvation of escaping the wrath of God, and so take the next step of overcoming all things He wants you to progress even further into, or toward the perfect will God would have you to know.
God bless you brother to His glory.

 

[Angel]

Praying

 

[th1b.taylor]

Praying.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks, everyone.

People are sadistic towards stigmatized people. I'm stigmatized and labeled hardcore, and Christ's work in my life...ruffles a lot of peoples' feathers. I used to have "mental patient" written all over me. That's what heavy shock treatments can do to somebody. Now...I'm remarkably normal. Conventional? Not always. But normal? Yes. Healthy? Miraculously...yes!

And that's a big part of what I think is driving a lot of this. They'd call me an "over the hill flamer" and "used up....," and now...I've been washed and made clean, and it shows physically (huge blessing right there). I was balding at a young age and now I have tons of hair. I was dead eyed, now I'm bright eyed. I was prematurely aged...now I look noticeably younger than many 32 year old men.

So, The Lord has saved me, forgiven me, and thankfully...He has even seen fit to set me free from many of the ill effects of my own sins and just general nastiness I brought to the table when I got saved. Our God is a God of restoration...

Now I'm a flawed creature in right relationship with my Creator and Savior. I'm beginning to think some people around me are crazier, or at least more vicious and mean-spirited, than I ever was.

It can wear on me, being in a community, but not at all a part of it, being (most definitely) The Other...that dude with a shady past who lives with his people and everyone seems to talk about and label and...

I don't think I'll live here always. Even if I do, The Lord can make a way forward for me to carve out a quiet life, hopefully complete with some Born Again friends.

The thing is...people like me, or at least...like who I used to be...aren't usually living with their people, going to school online, getting better, all that. More like...early death, homelessness, prison, jail, abject poverty with no way out...

God is good!