[__ Prayer __] this darn town...

[Christ_empowered]

I (understandably) have a terrible reputation here, in my small, southern hometown. There's a lot going into the mix here....

...what's strange (well...maybe not so strange) is that things have heated up since I got saved 3 1/2 years ago and since my people got me an attorney for a case related to all this (I was under too much pressure, so I fired off some unfortunate emails to an ex-psychiatrist. I'd already filed a medical board complaint against her, so...yeah....). One set of neighbors yelled out at me one day "he's gotten too big for his britches; send him off to (name of this states loverly psycho-prison)." So, I guess the idea was that I'd go to prison.

Well...I got saved after the charges were filed and my dad had retained the attorney. I now have a misdemeanor (a bad one) and lots and lots of probation. I have more probation time than some people who commit felonies. Such is life for an "uppity mental patient" in The Bible Belt ("1,000 miles wide, 1 inch deep").

Anyway...today, I was in a convenience store buying candy and camels (bad combo, I know). This dude in front of me was getting surly with the clerk about his lotto tickets, and then he started saying something about me. I know this because I saw how uncomfortable the clerk was getting as he looked at me. So, dude man walks by me and makes some remark about my hair color, then goes off to do his scratch offs. (FYI: I used to be short, prematurely aged, and balding. I'm now average height, look noticeably younger than my age, and have tons of hair...its a pretty color, and that apparently irritates people around here....)

I'm glad its not the 50s. Actually...around here....I could have been committed up until about 5 years ago, when the state got serious about "The Recovery Model" and shut down most of the old state mental hospital (also...the property was on prime real estate. The state made over $100 million selling it off). These days, around here, its hard to hospitalize people...I had one psych evaluation, 4 years ago, and I talked my way out...

I'm rambling. I'm getting better about handling this stuff...I let that dude's comments roll off of me and went about my business, which is a huge step forward from where I was even a couple months ago (thanks for all your prayers, btw). That's Christ's work in my life, because I was an uber-wimp for most of my life. "New creation in Christ Jesus."

I'm hoping things will simmer down. I dunno though..."this world is not my home," right? Well...this town sho nuff isn't my home, either. I'm here until...well, until I'm not, lol.

Its crazy I tell you, just...crazy. I know I'm not the 1st person this has happened to. It used to be that they'd put people like me in the state mental hospital. Like I wrote above, that's shut down, so they tried prison. My people got me an attorney. So, now...I think there's some serious animosity towards me, coupled with all the southern nonsense about "knowing your place in society," blah blah blah. I'm considered "uppity" just because I'm not living in abject poverty and marching off to a hospital when my former shrinks say to go. Not fun :-(

I've rambled...as always, I'm asking for prayer (yet again...) and thanking y'all for praying for me all these years I've been here at CFnet. I realize now that The Lord has moved in my life in a big way, and I'm not as fearful as I was even up to recently.

Thanks.

 

[ExmouthSimon]

Hi Ch_Emp, Great to hear of your commitment to Christ, and how the spirit is helping and changing you. Keep it up, just remember to keep praying when things get difficult. Don't give up. Also, remember that God's way is love and forgiveness, sometimes in the face of law of the jungle behaviour. Keep praying for God to take away anger and help you restore and build friendly relationships. Using and developing your sense of humour could really help. I find that being myself (my christian self) along with silliness and humour is a great way to get on with peeple and defuse difficult situations.
God bless, Exmouth Simon.

 

[AirDancer]

Just continue to hang in there, Christ_empowered, and trust in our Lord.

We all individuals who enjoy to make nasty comments about others in order for them to feel better about themselves. It's definitely neither right nor just for them to do so, but then we don't live in a just world.

You remain in my prayers, my friend

 

[Christ_empowered]

Thanks. I'm getting better at dealing with things. My older, wiser, Pentecostal friend, Verna, she always tells me...they're all mouth. Nothing terrible is going to happen. Although...once...in that same convenience store, actually...a younger dude tried to stare me down as he was leaving. It was creepy, especially since it was at night. Weird.

A lot of what I went thru pre-Jesus can be explained thru various factors...I was poor, stigmatized, brain damaged, etc. etc. etc. Now, I'm not living in poverty (Praise God!), my brain damage seems to be a non-issue, somehow, and I think the stigma is fading, by God's grace. Plus, people have a lot going on in their own lives without worrying about me, I get that now. I think I was just an easy target, and now I'm less of one.

I've probably written on all this before, lol. Thanks for the prayers+posts.

 

[AirDancer]

Yes, you are now less of a target. And the longer you are in and about your town, the lesser of a target you'll be. Time actually does help with some issues, and eventually, those who are nasty will select a new target to torment.

 

[eddif]

Just remember:

I am looking for a city whose builder and maker is God.

I am living in a flesh tent that is temporal.

The mind city I am looking for is eternal.

Just remember to babble about Jesus. LOL

eddif

 

[Christ_empowered]

Thanks again.

I do think I'm getting better at handling things, overall. I had a lovely day with my mother today...I even got a nice flatbread wrap from the local QT. Anyway, point is...God matters. Family matters. My own life matters. These random people who harass me? Don't matter (to me), not really.

The neighbors keep talking about a "probation violation." I paid my $$$$ for my probation today, at the probation office. I have a new probation officer. I hope, pray (and think) things are going to be OK.

 

[AirDancer]

My dear friend, if there was a probation violation, the police would have already hauled you to jail.

Random people like to harass. They believe it's all about them, and therefore they are entitled to say whatever they want.

I couldn't tell you how many women have told me I'm 'too old' to have long hair. (I guess I've been considered 'too old' for quite a lengthy time period now, as the first such comment was when I was in my 30s!) It's no one else's business.

There are just some people in the world like that.......................

 

[Angel]

Praying for ya

 

[Hospes]

There are four constant actors evaluating us: ourselves, others, Satan, and God.

The first two are woefully short of understanding enough to give a reliable evaluation, though the evaluation may have some degree of truth and helpfulness.

The third actor is a "murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies." We should grow in our recognition of his voice for no other reason than rejecting it outright.

The fourth Actor knows us infinitely well and by nature is full of grace and truth.

My prayer and encouragement to you, CE, is to continue to be a skeptic of the first two actors, reject in every way the third, and immerse yourself in the pursuit of knowing and heart-believing what the Fourth says about you.

Here is a bit of how He describes those he has saved through the Cross: His children, elect, chosen, set-apart, beloved, "chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession", cleansed, redeemed, called. This list doesn't even begin to describe the glory He has yet to give us.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks again, everyone.

I'm getting better about the situation. Its strange, how forgiveness---first from God, then from my parents, because of God's work in my life---can change...everything. My "mental state" has improved dramatically. I don't even need my "as-needed" anti-anxiety/sleep stuff. Ever. More importantly, being forgiven, accepting forgiveness, has changed me in many ways. With my parents, our interactions are now positive and warm, not distant and strained.

Point is...I still tend to get to psychobabble-y on things, or lean towards Sociology 101. People are people. I was a vulnerable person in the community. Now, I'm less vulnerable, because of Christ. My people "moved up in the world," so having their forgiveness and protection makes my life a lot easier.

I'm hoping that life will get better from here on. I'm doing my school work. Sometimes, it gets hard...they've been screaming about "probation violations," and one day I did have an unexpected visit from a random probation officer, so...yeah. I get paranoia anyway, so that made things extra wonderful. The dude said I hadn't been reporting (I had been), and that was that. God worked that out for my benefit, though...my dad told me that if they try to put me in jail, he'll call the guy who handled the case, so that's good. And my mother drops me off at my probation appointments and when I go pay, so I feel more secure there, too (and I don't have to park...their parking situation is awful).

I'm rambling. Life is good and getting better. Its not remarkable that I went thru it or that I still have some bumps in the road now...its remarkable (miraculous?!?!) that God has been so good to me. "Working class losers," sadly, are a dime a dozen. People go to prison, state mental hospitals, homeless shelters, etc. every day. Its America...usually, people don't care. People die in their messes everyday. Again...its America, people usually don't care. God has seen fit to be extra-merciful to me, and that's huge. I'm not gonna play false humility and go on and on about how I don't deserve it, I mean...why not me? Or the next person? There's enough people in prison, state mental hospitals, skid row, homeless shelters, etc. already. Why not spare an over the hill flamer, just to keep it interesting?

I've rambled. Thanks for reading.