Kelly01
Member
At one time, I wanted to see if the grass was greener on the other side. I had a great interest in South Florida, in my late teens, and began planning a move from my hometown. Like a lot of teens and young adults, I wanted to experience things I had not before. The world can seem glamorous and things may look inviting to us "visually" when we are unknowing and inexperienced. Sadly, the lures of the world quickly drew me in to a sinful lifestyle.
I let the world and money become my master, instead of God, in my late teens to early thirties. I desired the riches of the world and the quick cash I made in the nightclubs where it flourished. My job, as a bartender, definitely, made those desires obtainable. I felt at that time, the night life was very appealing. I enjoyed the money that seemed to flow “endlessly" into my grasp and South Florida was the "hot spot" at that time.
Those years robbed me of my youth. I enjoyed partaking in vices that the world offered, as well. My life was centered on the night club, in which I was employed, and the world of fantasy that drew me closer to it. Beautiful as my work place seemed to be to me, it did not project the love I needed, nor did the vices I indulged in. All that time, I thought all was great, and I kept telling myself it was though my heart new better.
Eventually, I ended up back in my hometown, in my late twenties and early thirties; still enjoying the so called glamorous night life. My hometown had established a foot ball team while I was in Miami and it seemed that the "Bold City of the South" was flourishing. Once again, I picked back up the selfish and sinful lifestyle, in my home town that I once enjoyed in South Florida. It was an endless cycle and I was wearing thin, very quickly!
All I could think about was driving the nicest car, wearing the latest fashions and being able to have what I desired. I began to feel quite lonely and wondered why. Even though it seemed I had it all "something was missing". There was an empty void spiritually and those cold nightclubs and self engulfed people, like me, did not project the love I sought. And all the beautiful clothes, jewelry and cars did not give me the warmth and peace I so desperately craved. They say, it is lonely at the top and it was. I was a very popular bartender with a following, but I felt lonely inside even though "nightly" I was surrounded by MANY people.
One night, I was coming home from a bar, in which, I was working. I was overworked and exhausted that night. I finished my shift around 2:00 a.m. and left the club. The highway lights were out, that particular night, on the freeway. And I did not notice that there was a stopped semi blocking my path. I ran into the back of the huge truck at 45 miles an hour. My vehicle caused $ 500.00 worth of damage to the semi. My car was totaled and looked like an accordion. ($5,700. 00 worth). The driver said he did not feel anything but a small bump to the back of his truck when I hit it.
I was in critical condition at the scene of the accident. After they pulled me from the wreckage, I remember my last words being "Am I going to live"? The paramedic replied, we are doing all we can; you've lost a lot of blood. I had severe injuries and I spent a long time in the hospital recovering from them. They thought I would not walk straight again or even live. Today, I walk fine as I always did and I am very much alive. I truly realize how lucky I am! Furthermore, I truly believe I was a miracle.
After the accident, I still struggled with emotional pain, as well as physical pain. I had deep pain and guilt that seemed to follow me. I had been raped by two men as a teen, at age 16. The vices I struggled with as a youth numbed my pain temporarily. Moreover, the clubs in which I was employed provided the escape I thought I needed. I lost my adopted parents at an early age too. Furthermore, I spent time in a foster home at The Children's Home Society as a teen also. I loved the Lord, but I always doubted Him and felt He had allowed things to happen to me. I played the "I blame you God game" very well.
Shortly after my near death experience, I got into my car after work intoxicated, one night after I finished my shift at a local nightclub. I ended up with a D.U.I (misdemeanor) that night. (A decade ago) Not trying to excuse myself from the things I did or D.U.I., but as an adult, sadly I wanted to cover the pain/memories of my youth with vices and alcohol. I still thank God, daily, that I hurt no one but myself. I could not imagine hurting anyone. I could not imagine taking a mother from a child; a father from a son; anyone from anyone or taking a precious life period.
The thoughts of "what could be" from my mistake made me think; really think upon the big picture. I began to pray and to really think about my life. I knew deep inside that I was a miracle by still being alive from the prior accident. I asked myself how I could choose to play with my life or someone else's life after God had blessed me so abundantly by healing me. 'I need to make SERIOUS changes, now!' I told myself. Therefore, I began to go back to church. I began to understand free will and how others like my rapist use it for evil. My rape was at the hands of two men being evil and not the Lord. I began to forgive others, as well as myself, and the peace of God began to flow through my heart.
That last accident opened my eyes and I began to think about the things of the world not really making me happy, as well as my own transgressions. And I started, from that moment, seeking happiness in God. I remembered how happy my adopted parents were with their Joy and walk in God when they were alive. I started going back to church and living a very spiritual life in The Lord. Moreover, I began to notice just how happy I was and how fulfilled I felt with God in my life. I began to realize, even more so, that the lifestyle that I had lived... had never given me the peace and joy I was experiencing through God. My eyes and heart began to open wide!
Today, through God, I have found more happiness than I could experience in anything worldly. (e.g. sports cars, designer hand bags, pieces of jewelry, vices or anything in a bottle...etc.). And I would also like to mention, I do not miss the money that my job supplied me with to acquire those things either. Today I am comfortable, not impoverished, but a lot richer in Him. His richness/peace cannot be compared to anything this Earth could offer. Today the walk that I have in "Christ" provides me with all the joy, happiness, and peace I could hope for. Additionally, the life I have now is drama free! Sometimes I think back upon my past, and wonder how did I ever survive the anxiety and stress alone my old lifestyle generated.
In the end, cars rust, fashion fades away, vices disappear as quick as they arrive, and the finest pocketbooks wear out . But Gods love is everlasting! Today as a Christian, “I am never lonely" with Christ in my life. Moreover, every day I am blessed with His peace, His love, and His blessings. The materialistic things of this world come with price tags, or with great consequences. His gift of salvation (eternal life) and His LOVE is offered to all and is free of charge.
Furthermore, I realize,
His gift of salvation is, indeed, priceless and "my life with Christ" is "richer" than anything this world has to offer. Truly, I feel wealthier “TODAY" than any day I spent in the past "in the so called glamorous life" I once thought I had.
Thanks for letting me share with you, and may God bless you richly!
~* Kelly
