Christ_empowered
Member
- Oct 23, 2010
- 14,242
- 10,724
That's what people around here say about me. I don't know what the deal is...I got saved 3 years ago and I've been leading a quiet, much less sinful life since then. And yet..."uppity." Indeed.
Kinda reminds me of how I was diagnosed as "severely, hopelessly narcissistic (NPD)" in my late teens and early 20s. Now, my new (public/community mental health) treatment provider seems to think I was bona fide sick from a young age...and I've only recently stabilized (Praise God!). When I really start to think about it, about what little I can remember (shock treatments...fun) and what I was subjected to, and then being made to feel like it was all my fault, its a little...sickening, honestly. I'm just 1 person. How many other people have "professionals" done this to? Its like my friend, Verna, says..."Satan has a field day with weaklings."
Anyway, people keep talking about prison, warrants, jail, and probation violations. Its frustrating. Don't get me wrong; I was criminally deviant in my past, but a lot of it was...well, I got pushed really, really far for a fairly long period of time. This happens more often than most of us might want to think, of course. Sad, sad times.
Back to me (apparently) being "uppity." I don't get it. I know I was stigmatized to the max for a while. Maybe I still am. If I still am...no wonder Christ's work in my life infuriates people. I was prematurely aged and ugly. I'm not ugly now, and I look noticeably younger than my age (nothing freakish, I'm just very healthy). I guess "trailer park f@ggots" aren't supposed to be smart, healthy, have good skin and hair, all that. Ahhh, The Bible Belt ("1,000 miles wide, 1 inch deep").
I've learned that being considered a "trouble maker" by shrinks is a real problem. Thing is...yes, mental illness is real and yes, for severe problems, meds are a very, very good idea. This is true. Problem is...psychiatry isn't just about getting the right meds to the right people and facilitating recovery. It'd be nice if it was--I mean, that's the stated purpose, after all--but its not. A lot of what shrinks do is judging people. Who is worth treatment, what meds you're "good enough" for (not kidding...back in the day, I was apparently not "good enough" for xanax, but I came from a "nice" family, so I was given long term Klonopin), what diagnosis is appropriate based on you (and your peoples') social status. The last one gets to me...my current diagnosis is Bipolar I w/some hardcore psychosis. I mean, its a lot like Schizophrenia, but I take mood drugs w/ the antipsychotic. Big deal, right? Well...
...I think part of the reason I'm considered "uppity" is because I'm being treated for Bipolar I. People in my neighborhood are constantly talking about my "Schizophrenia." What's the difference? Well, around here, Schizophrenia isn't a disease; its a social role. I'm not "good enough" for Bipolar, apparently. Its stupid. I was filling my Rx today and I overheard one pharmacist say "they need to put him on Seroquel," which made me mad. I mean, Seroquel helps a lot of people, but...she's not my treatment provider and she needs to back off.
Ugh. Back to "uppity." I'm "uppity" for being healthy, for having pretty hair, for going back to school, for reconciling and living with my parents, for driving a good car, for being diagnosed "Bipolar I." I'm "uppity" because I was a "trouble maker," and "trouble makers" a) don't matter and b) need to learn their/our place in society (no, really. I've heard this exact phrase being uttered about me).
It'd be nice if my ex-treatment providers would leave me alone. It'd be nicer still if they'd quit trying to "keep me in line" and punish me for being an uppity trouble maker.
Ahhh, the trials and tribulations of the "uppity mental patient" (exact quote from the neighbors). I just pray there aren't any probation violations, warrants, etc.
This is part venting, part prayer request. Please pray for me
Kinda reminds me of how I was diagnosed as "severely, hopelessly narcissistic (NPD)" in my late teens and early 20s. Now, my new (public/community mental health) treatment provider seems to think I was bona fide sick from a young age...and I've only recently stabilized (Praise God!). When I really start to think about it, about what little I can remember (shock treatments...fun) and what I was subjected to, and then being made to feel like it was all my fault, its a little...sickening, honestly. I'm just 1 person. How many other people have "professionals" done this to? Its like my friend, Verna, says..."Satan has a field day with weaklings."
Anyway, people keep talking about prison, warrants, jail, and probation violations. Its frustrating. Don't get me wrong; I was criminally deviant in my past, but a lot of it was...well, I got pushed really, really far for a fairly long period of time. This happens more often than most of us might want to think, of course. Sad, sad times.
Back to me (apparently) being "uppity." I don't get it. I know I was stigmatized to the max for a while. Maybe I still am. If I still am...no wonder Christ's work in my life infuriates people. I was prematurely aged and ugly. I'm not ugly now, and I look noticeably younger than my age (nothing freakish, I'm just very healthy). I guess "trailer park f@ggots" aren't supposed to be smart, healthy, have good skin and hair, all that. Ahhh, The Bible Belt ("1,000 miles wide, 1 inch deep").
I've learned that being considered a "trouble maker" by shrinks is a real problem. Thing is...yes, mental illness is real and yes, for severe problems, meds are a very, very good idea. This is true. Problem is...psychiatry isn't just about getting the right meds to the right people and facilitating recovery. It'd be nice if it was--I mean, that's the stated purpose, after all--but its not. A lot of what shrinks do is judging people. Who is worth treatment, what meds you're "good enough" for (not kidding...back in the day, I was apparently not "good enough" for xanax, but I came from a "nice" family, so I was given long term Klonopin), what diagnosis is appropriate based on you (and your peoples') social status. The last one gets to me...my current diagnosis is Bipolar I w/some hardcore psychosis. I mean, its a lot like Schizophrenia, but I take mood drugs w/ the antipsychotic. Big deal, right? Well...
...I think part of the reason I'm considered "uppity" is because I'm being treated for Bipolar I. People in my neighborhood are constantly talking about my "Schizophrenia." What's the difference? Well, around here, Schizophrenia isn't a disease; its a social role. I'm not "good enough" for Bipolar, apparently. Its stupid. I was filling my Rx today and I overheard one pharmacist say "they need to put him on Seroquel," which made me mad. I mean, Seroquel helps a lot of people, but...she's not my treatment provider and she needs to back off.
Ugh. Back to "uppity." I'm "uppity" for being healthy, for having pretty hair, for going back to school, for reconciling and living with my parents, for driving a good car, for being diagnosed "Bipolar I." I'm "uppity" because I was a "trouble maker," and "trouble makers" a) don't matter and b) need to learn their/our place in society (no, really. I've heard this exact phrase being uttered about me).
It'd be nice if my ex-treatment providers would leave me alone. It'd be nicer still if they'd quit trying to "keep me in line" and punish me for being an uppity trouble maker.
Ahhh, the trials and tribulations of the "uppity mental patient" (exact quote from the neighbors). I just pray there aren't any probation violations, warrants, etc.
This is part venting, part prayer request. Please pray for me
