What Makes A Good Marriage?

[th1b.taylor]

Why do you feel it is okay to call a woman who sleeps around a slut, but the man is just an idiot? Would he not be a Man Whore? If you are going to speak in so crass a manor, at least it can be equal.

I can guarantee you that there are users on this site who have been in sexual relationships before marriage and your harsh, disdainful attitude does not encourage repentance. This is not marriage advice, this is hurtful words that will more likely keep genuine seekers away from Godly counsel. Please know, that I am not saying my heart does not burn for integrity in marriage, and that these thoughts do not cross my mind, but these are the thoughts Christian used to keep to themselves and repent of.

I am sorry that you are so narrow minded but in twenty+ years of ministering to people I have brought quite a few to the foot of the cross to find Jesus. There is not a mean bone in my body after almost fifty years out of South Vietnam, I am sorry , that you feel that way.

You see, God is Love, that is true. But in Mal. 3:6a God is very specific about it being a fact that He does not change, necessitating Christians to reevaluate the interpretations of when the Interpreters have God Repenting of a decision.

Yes, God is love and so is He the Only Just God. Being the Champion of justice, He honors every human's decision about where they wish to spend Eternity. (Rev 20:11-15)

In Romans 2:5 we learn that the Wrath of our God is well considered and also fair and that it has not, and coupled with Mal. 3:6a, we know it never has and never will e different.

I do my best to live according to God's Will and though you and a few others will join the New Covenant Church Movement into a Life Style that God will not honor, I and my house will need to hang out with God and do our best to allow the Holy Spirit to move us as we work and live to Glorify God.

Thank you for your concern about my condition but I find no basis in thd Bible for these New Covenant Heresies.

 

[I'M Grams]

WOW!

It is hard for me to understand this.........

My husband passed away 2 years ago.........

We were married in Sept. 1957.............

And I miss him so much, and feel he took care of me so well , as I think back I do not see any other men being

so kind and knowing there wife as my husband new me......... we moved in our life 10 time and he always new which

house I wanted and with furniture and on and on...... we had a few arguments, and I know I was always wrong, but

he was kind and understanding ........ And as always he was right we argued who was going home first....

I figured , I smoked and drank became a alcoholic, so I was sure I was......... He was right as always..

WOW do I miss him, I cant wait to go home............

 

[WIP]

I don't believe this. All my friends, and my husband and I lived together before marriage and we are all still together. Some of us met our husbands in our teens.

Just because you have not become one of the statistics does not make the statistics false. The divorce rate for couples that live together first has been found to be 33% higher than those that do not.

Since the 1970’s, study after study found that living together before marriage could undercut a couple’s future happiness and ultimately lead to divorce. On average, researchers concluded that couples who lived together before they tied the knot saw a 33 percent higher rate of divorce than those who waited to live together until after they were married.
https://www.theatlantic.com/health/...-step-toward-marriage-not-a-rebellion/284512/

 

[Douglas Summers]

Young persons today are worried and afraid to get married because they see all the divorce around them and feel their marriage will also not last.

This was not true in the past. Women and men were happier to be married.

Some couples live together to make sure that they're compatible.
It's been found that there is a higher percentage rate of divorce among these couples once they get married.

Why do you believe that is?
Why are couples not getting married as eagerly today?
What makes a good marriage that will last till the end?

Hi wondering, Society has put the emphasis of a relationship on sex instead of love. It got it's immoral start in the 60's, and what would have been banned , even in the late 50's has now become common place porn that is acceptable practice, poured out on TV programs, movies, and extremely vulgar music, all under the guise of freedom of speech! It still makes me feel like I'm on another planet when I see on TV where a man talks about his husband.....it just will never fit in the realm of the kingdom and the house of the Lord that I have been called to.
A good marriage is based on loving each other, which involves treating your wife with the same Spirit that the Lord loves us. It comes as a natural attribute, even in an unsaved man if he does not live in the world. God made us that way...it is man who discards God's works in the natural man. (Rom. 1:1-32) (Eph. 5:22-33)
BTW is that your picture on your post? Who ever it is, they look angelic :o)

 

[Blazin Bones]

I am sorry that you are so narrow minded but in twenty+ years of ministering to people I have brought quite a few to the foot of the cross to find Jesus. There is not a mean bone in my body after almost fifty years out of South Vietnam, I am sorry , that you feel that way.

You see, God is Love, that is true. But in Mal. 3:6a God is very specific about it being a fact that He does not change, necessitating Christians to reevaluate the interpretations of when the Interpreters have God Repenting of a decision.

Yes, God is love and so is He the Only Just God. Being the Champion of justice, He honors every human's decision about where they wish to spend Eternity. (Rev 20:11-15)

In Romans 2:5 we learn that the Wrath of our God is well considered and also fair and that it has not, and coupled with Mal. 3:6a, we know it never has and never will e different.

I do my best to live according to God's Will and though you and a few others will join the New Covenant Church Movement into a Life Style that God will not honor, I and my house will need to hang out with God and do our best to allow the Holy Spirit to move us as we work and live to Glorify God.

Thank you for your concern about my condition but I find no basis in thd Bible for these New Covenant Heresies.

So in ministering to the men and women you speak to, please let me be clear, you call them sluts, whores, and anything else? God spoke through the mouth of an Ass and a Murderer, but that doesn't mean we get a pass to use whatever method we please. You may even go as far as saying that Jesus called the Pharisees vipers, but he also told us that he who is without sin can cast the first stone. Do you REALLY think that is you or me? At that point Jesus was standing in as Judge over the pharisees, but that is not a role you or I will ever get to play. We can only teach one another, as Iron sharpens iron.

I do not see where your Malachi 3:6 passage has any standing in justifying your word choices? God does not change, and I think we would agree on that. However, God called the sin what the sin is. Fornication. Adultery. Slandering. .

Fellow teacher, let me add some scripture for you to consider, as we are encouraged to consider the entire counsel of scripture.

Ephesians 4:29 - Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up.
Ephesians 4:31 - Get rid of all Rage, bitterness and anger, brawling and slander, and every form of malice.
Ephesians 4:32 - Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

James 4:9-10 - With our tongue, we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men.... this should not be.

Most importantly, at no time in either of our ministries have we had the right to claim credit for what the Lord has done. Your choice of words did not bring repentance, the power of Christ did. You can live as you choose moving forward, but know that I can only share this with you as these same passages have revealed my sin and arrogance as well.

 

[GodsGrace]

I don't believe this. All my friends, and my husband and I lived together before marriage and we are all still together. Some of us met our husbands in our teens.

Statistics don't depend on you and your friends.
They depend on the general population...:
Living together increases the chances for divorce -- this is a well-known fact.

Statistics on the Likelihood of Divorce
If your parents are happily married, your risk of divorce decreases by 14 percent.

People who wait to marry until they are over the age of 25 are 24 percent less likely to get divorced.

Living together prior to getting married can increase the chance of getting divorced by as much as 40 percent.

If you've attended college, your risk of divorce decreases by 13 percent.

2008 voter data shows that "red" states (states that tend to vote Republican), have higher divorce rates than "blue" states (states that tend to vote Democrat).

The Barna Research Group measured divorce statistics by religion. They found that 29 percent of Baptists are divorced (the highest for a US religious group), while only 21 percent of atheists/agnostics were divorced (the lowest).

source: https://www.mckinleyirvin.com/Family-Law-Blog/2012/October/32-Shocking-Divorce-Statistics.aspx

 

[GodsGrace]

Of course there is hope:

And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 1 Corinthians 6:13 NIV

How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? 1 Corinthians 6:16 NIV

Many unbelieving spouses have come to the Lord after observing the love that their saved spouses have.

It's been a long time Michael...
But hope is the last thing to die.

 

[LovethroughDove]

Just because you have not become one of the statistics does not make the statistics false. The divorce rate for couples that live together first has been found to be 33% higher than those that do not.

Since the 1970’s, study after study found that living together before marriage could undercut a couple’s future happiness and ultimately lead to divorce. On average, researchers concluded that couples who lived together before they tied the knot saw a 33 percent higher rate of divorce than those who waited to live together until after they were married.
https://www.theatlantic.com/health/...-step-toward-marriage-not-a-rebellion/284512/

I guess I don't believe in statistics then. Cause I don't believe they polled everyone in America getting divorced, and I feel studies can be biased.

 

[LovethroughDove]

This question is to anyone. Does the Bible address living together before marriage? I don't think it does, but I'm not positive on this one.

 

[GodsGrace]

To the original post, I am in agreement that commitment and forgiveness are the missing ingredients. Anyone who tells you that every day of their married life has been 100% perfect is a liar. The husband will stumble. Contrary to modern sitcoms, the wife will stumble. The bad days are a part of EVERY good relationship. We killed the man who loved us most, so I think I am safe in saying good relationships will have bad days.

However, commitment is a key. When I met my wife, our first day as a couple began with the commitment to only pursue a romantic relationship if marriage was the goal. When we got engaged, we took divorce out of the deck of our lives. Suffering is an option. Hurt is an Option. Anger is an option. Divorce and giving up is not.

Jesus described divorce as being given to us because of the hardness of our hearts. What we say in divorce is that there are some things you and I cannot forgive or look beyond, even though I promised you when I married you that I would. Grace and compassion are needed in a marriage, but those only come after forgiveness.

§Agreed.
I read once that if a couple does NOT argue every now and then, it most probably means they don't ever speak to each other ! It's only human to argue every now and then.

Another thought that came to mind in reading your post is that some couples today tell themselves that if the marriage doesn't work out, they could always get divorced. When one can think this way, divorce is almost certainly in this couple's future.

As you stated above...divorce should not even be in the "deck of our lives".

At some point I'd like to add: Especially when children are involved !

 

[GodsGrace]

WOW!

It is hard for me to understand this.........

My husband passed away 2 years ago.........

We were married in Sept. 1957.............

And I miss him so much, and feel he took care of me so well , as I think back I do not see any other men being

so kind and knowing there wife as my husband new me......... we moved in our life 10 time and he always new which

house I wanted and with furniture and on and on...... we had a few arguments, and I know I was always wrong, but

he was kind and understanding ........ And as always he was right we argued who was going home first....

I figured , I smoked and drank became a alcoholic, so I was sure I was......... He was right as always..

WOW do I miss him, I cant wait to go home............

How blessed you are to have been with your husband for such a long time-
and to have had such a good and loving husband for whom you have such wonderful memories.

God bless you still...

 

[GodsGrace]

Hi wondering, Society has put the emphasis of a relationship on sex instead of love. It got it's immoral start in the 60's, and what would have been banned , even in the late 50's has now become common place porn that is acceptable practice, poured out on TV programs, movies, and extremely vulgar music, all under the guise of freedom of speech! It still makes me feel like I'm on another planet when I see on TV where a man talks about his husband.....it just will never fit in the realm of the kingdom and the house of the Lord that I have been called to.
A good marriage is based on loving each other, which involves treating your wife with the same Spirit that the Lord loves us. It comes as a natural attribute, even in an unsaved man if he does not live in the world. God made us that way...it is man who discards God's works in the natural man. (Rom. 1:1-32) (Eph. 5:22-33)
BTW is that your picture on your post? Who ever it is, they look angelic :o)

You're right DS, my husband was not really a "worldly" man.
As to TV, if I was raising a family, I wouldn't have normal TV in my house. Children shouldn't be exposed to this stuff.

As to what makes a good marriage, Agreed !
And isn't it worth it, in the end, to have stayed together our whole life and to be able to remember ourselves when we were young -- and still look young to each other...



(I like to think I look like her -- let me be happy!)

 

[GodsGrace]

I guess I don't believe in statistics then. Cause I don't believe they polled everyone in America getting divorced, and I feel studies can be biased.

Why would they be biased??
Atheistic countries LOVE that people don't get married anymore.
One more strike agains Christians.

You're right that a statistic could be biased, but not when every poll or study is exactly the same.
Then you really have to accept the results.

 

[GodsGrace]

This question is to anyone. Does the Bible address living together before marriage? I don't think it does, but I'm not positive on this one.

The bible does address the question of living together outside of marriage.
Fornication.
The New Testament speaks a lot about this...
Romans 12:1-2
1 Corinthians 6:18-20
1 Corinthians 7:2
Galatians 5:19-21

I'd add that we're all sinners in one way or another and God is willing to forgive us our sins if we confess them with sorrow.
1 John 1

 

[LovethroughDove]

Why would they be biased??
Atheistic countries LOVE that people don't get married anymore.
One more strike agains Christians.

You're right that a statistic could be biased, but not when every poll or study is exactly the same.
Then you really have to accept the results.

I'll give you an example of polls being the same but being wrong.

The last election.

 

[GodsGrace]

I'll give you an example of polls being the same but being wrong.

The last election.

Right!

But those were predicting the future...
Divorce rates are fact, and based on those that have already taken place...
So no guessing!!

 

[reba]

Why do you feel it is okay to call a woman who sleeps around a slut, but the man is just an idiot? Would he not be a Man Whore? If you are going to speak in so crass a manor, at least it can be equal.

I can guarantee you that there are users on this site who have been in sexual relationships before marriage and your harsh, disdainful attitude does not encourage repentance. This is not marriage advice, this is hurtful words that will more likely keep genuine seekers away from Godly counsel. Please know, that I am not saying my heart does not burn for integrity in marriage, and that these thoughts do not cross my mind, but these are the thoughts Christian used to keep to themselves and repent of.

Growing attitude! If a young male can get it before the Commitment Phase, she is a Slut any way. young men are idiots when it comes to living up to unintended consequences and every time that little one, they did not want, cries their pride and all of the real sluts out there that are trying to get one more mark on their Garter Belt or what-ever they wear today are telling him lies and he is stupid enough to believe them.

In my reading of Bill's thread i heard him saying what was said 50 years ago by the general public... not so much as Bill's thoughts but those of society ... re worded if He gets sex before marriage society and the bum kid loose respect for 'her' maybe it is not so much that way today....

 

[Rollo Tamasi]

In my reading of Bill's thread i heard him saying what was said 50 years ago by the general public... not so much as Bill's thoughts but those of society ... re worded if He gets sex before marriage society and the bum kid loose respect for 'her' maybe it is not so much that way today....

Ephesians 4:29;
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths..."

This verse has been around since the day Bill got saved
No excuses...

 

[Papa Zoom]

I'll give you an example of polls being the same but being wrong.

The last election.

Studies are not polls. Very different things. Longitudinal studies don't seek opinions of random people. They study trends of real people. Studies can be replicated (these have) and consistently over the years they demonstrate the same thing. When studies replicate previous studies, the degree of confidence and certainty goes ways up.

Statistically the following is 100% true:

Living together increases the chances for divorce -- this is a well-known fact.

You can disagree all you want but where is your study that states otherwise? (again, it's NOT a poll)

 

[Rollo Tamasi]

Studies are not polls. Very different things. Longitudinal don't seek opinions of random people. They study trends of real people. Studies can be replicated (these have) and consistently over the years they demonstrate the same thing. When studies replicate previous studies, the degree of confidence and certainty goes ways up.

Statistically the following is 100% true:


You can disagree all you want but where is your study that states otherwise? (again, it's NOT a poll)

But how reputable are the studies?
Today, with everyone seeking self interest, truth is often lost to the masses as what the majority believes is all that matters.