What to do...

[jillian.h]

So, i've recently been having some issues with my marriage.
My husband has decided he's still in love with his ex, whom he has another child with, and with rather be with her and their child, than be with me and our child.
He's also planning to cheat on me with other guys, if he hasnt already.
And i'm just wondering if anyone has any suggestions about what i can do.
I want to go to councelling... but i'm really broke, and cannot afford it... most places are $80-100/hr... way out of my price range.
I cant talk to him... every time i try that he just says "you're trying to start a fight" and ignores me and i just end up telling him everything i'm thinking and he says nothing.
We havent even been married a year and he's absolutely miserable with me...
What can i do? Ideas? Please...

 

[Samara]

First of all big hugs to you. I know the sort of pain you are experiencing. Second of all, have you tried church counselling? I don't know how it works there but it is free here. Some Churches work by donation offering, just explain that you don't have any money but that you need help. Hopefully, with some decent church support you will be able to work out effective solutions.

Lastly, as much as this hurts.. if he walks out the door, let him.That is my opinion anyway. That is what it says to do in Corinthians (forget the verse but if you go into my thread about my husband leaving me under this topic it has the information in charmony's post).

Just do what is right by you and God.. pray for him. Ultimately, it will be your husbands choice. It sounds like he has walked out on his responsibility in the past and he will likely do it again unless he submits his life fully to God.

Just know, whatever the outcome, God has a plan for you and if you fix your eyes on Him and trust in His timing he will look after you.

 

[jillian.h]

Thanks Samara,
I'm not sure I'm afraid of him walking out... because i'm his cover for his other past times... that he doesnt want anyone else to know about and what no body will question if he's with me. I'm more just concerned about having to live with a husband who doesnt love me and who spends his time plotting to cheat on me... and wishing he was with someone else.
He didnt walk out on his ex... she kicked him out because of the things he used to do... like looking at gay porn and stuff like that...
And i really dont know what to do... i mean, we just spend the last few hours watching the beginning episodes of the office season 6 together.. and we get along fine, really good actually...
its just the stuff underneath it all... that we just kind of push away and forget about... or try to anyways.
Like, there so much stuff that i'm so mad at him about... but i dont always feel angry, and its never awkward being together even though i know he doesnt want to be with me.
So... its really complicated.
And i really dont know what to do.
blahhhhh

 

[jasoncran]

seperate and dont divorce at the least, for the sake of the child, when your child is old enough to understand sex, do you want him to see gay porn or any porn by his father watching it in your home?

he may get exposed, but at least you can control it in your own home.

 

[Danus]

jillian.h - I wish I had some advice that does not include getting away from this guy, but I don't. I'm thinking you are not on equal ground enough to make something out of this from what I'm hearing, but I would suggest you counsel with your pastor on it and just see what he says.

There is nothing you have said about this man that tells me he is a Christian or even wants to be.

 

[PacificCoastMommy]

wow, Hugs to you. That sounds awful. The first thing that comes to my mind is disease - I would be extremely concerned about disease if you are still intimate with him and he is in fact being intimate with others as you suspect. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

 

[created4success]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I can't imagine you handling this without the Lord, man!

I would encourage you to attempt to work it out, as the Bible encourages us to do.

In terms of counseling, I believe if you google "Focus on the Family marriage forum," or go to their website, they offer free counseling, I believe.

If you are a Christian, and I assume you are since we're on a Christian marriage forum, I would encourage you to press in to God, if you can. Go to church, try to find some support there, get involved in small groups, spend time with God yourself each day.