OK. I was irreparably broken, dead in my sins, and an utter wretch He saved me anyway. I felt un-forgivable, and He forgave me anyway, despite anything.
He's in the process of working with me on the "renewal of my mind." To be in the world, and not of the world is something I've always wanted. I always sensed that the world just wasn't what it was cracked up to be, but I couldn't find any viable alternative with substance, with meaning. The One True Living God has forgiven me, saved me, and put me on the path not only to life everlasting, but also to a more Christian worldview, a heart of flesh, not of stone, so I can view the world around me appropriately and act accordingly, more in line with His laws and ways.
Jesus has changed me from the inside out. I'm not just a "better person" by normal standard, I'm a completely different person, and that's something I've always wanted. To have moral fiber, to be a decent human being, to have meaning in my life. Psychology, psychiatry, New Age stuff failed me miserably, as they tend to fail a lost (most?) of people. Christ has never failed me, not a single time. To be an object of God's agape love is to be slowly transformed into someone entirely different, "better," yes, but transformed to the point of being nearly unrecognizable in many respects. Comparing who I was even 2 years ago, before I got saved, to who I am now, is increasingly like "comparing apples to oranges." Its not improvement, its not behavioral modification, its not a patched up and rehabilitated old me, its a whole new person. The best part is..."its no longer I who lives, it is Christ who lives in me." The old me, the wretch, is gone. The process of "putting off the old and putting on the new" is ongoing, and some stretches of time seem more productive than others, but..."he who has begun a good work in you shall see it through to the end," right?
Plus, there's other things in my case. God deals with each of us differently, for He sees to the heart of man and our situations. I'm more normal, even in the face (I used to be too pretty in the face). I'm physically healthy, where before I was sickly and looked liked I had serious health problems. I'm intelligent enough for college-level work. I can understand and engage in the world around me, which definitely wasn't the case for a season in my existence, pre-Christ. My family...cares for me. Forgiveness is hard to come by, and full forgiveness may never happen with us, but...there's warmth, where before there was an cold, icy distance.
Finally...I used to meet the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I don't like saying "I was narcissistic" anymore, because Narcissism is obviously lifted out of the pagan narrative and the concept has its origins in old school psychoanalysis (Freud wrote on it), both of which are decidedly anti-Christ in outlook. Having said that...I had pride, self-love, and self-centeredness to the poin that I was obviously disordered, and I was incapable of saving myself. Jesus saw fit to save me from a lot of things, but saving me from myself, after mental health "professionals" had deemed me not only incurable, but not worth their time and resources...that was a supreme act of love, and most appreciated blessing.