[__ Prayer __] yeah, more pariah stuff...

[Christ_empowered]

i handle it much better, by God's grace. It just seems that...well...when one was as wretched as I was, in my situation...

a lot of "stuff" is brought up. Maybe it really is satan? OK...it is...a Christian's struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against powers and principalities. its just...


it gets rough. I'm a lot better able to handle it, now. I would say "tougher," but I'm getting there by leaning on Him, not on my own mental toughness, so...yeah. There's that.

I was apparently raped in jail. I kinda suspected it, but I didn't know (I blacked out), and...I mean, it happens. That was better part of 10 years ago, and that's all been taken off the record, but...when stuff like -that- is thrown up in your face...blah. I think the deal is that I was effeminate and flamingly gay, etc., got saved about 6 years ago, and now...

I'm not a mans man (LOL), but I"m not effeminate or anything, and I'm expected to "know my place" and "he ain't a man" and "he's SCHIZOPHRENIC, but he'll never become a MAN," etc. so...

I dunno. In the NT, I think its one of the books written by Paul where he writes on the horrors of unredeemed mankind. Parties and sexual immorality and ungrateful and...etc. That was me, too, until about 6 years ago. Now, its kinda like having The Bible brought to life...day by day, every day.

so there ya go. I come here for prayer often. I'm here now because I cannot yet get to sleep and because some people insist on taunting me while I"m -inside- my apt., which...btw...is a lot nicer than anything I can claim to deserve. The existentialist, Sartre, wrote in one of his plays...hell is other people. I mean, not too shabby for an unbeliever, but...although I know better, I do think he's not too, too far off. LOL.

Basically, I just pray that God's will for my life will come pass and that I'll get thru what gets thrown my way. Thanks.

 

[Michael74]

Soon you will be in your new condo. Better security.

 

[Michael74]

Hell is other people" has always been misunderstood. It has been thought that what I meant by that was that our relations with other people are always poisoned, that they are invariably hellish relations. But what I really mean is something totally different. I mean that if relations with someone else are twisted, vitiated, then that other person can only be hell. Why? Because … when we think about ourselves, when we try to know ourselves … we use the knowledge of us which other people already have. We judge ourselves with the means other people have and have given us for judging ourselves.

Maybe totally irrelevant, but Jean-Paul said that his quote about other people was widely misunderstood. He gave the explanation above of what he really meant.

We shouldn't think about ourselves as other people think of us. We should think as God thinks of us.