Young Christian Seeks Advice on Premarital Sex and Faith in God.

[Carry_Your_Name]

I've been in agony over the conflicting views of sex. By God's original design, sex is sacred, it's the physical consummation of a spiritual relationship, a ritual of surrending yourself to your partner and becoming one being. But this view has been lost in history, in Jesus's discussion with the Pharisees on marriage and divoce in Matt. 19:1-12, he had to educate them of this original design in the Torah, even though those Pharisees were respected teachers and experts of the Torah, because sexuality was already perverted beyond recognition at the time.

In modern era, sex is overwhelmingly portrayed in negative ways. Biologically, it's the work of raging hormones, a primitive animalistic instinct to procreate, the implication is that sex reduces you from a human to an animal when you're doing it; religiously, in Roman Catholic teaching, it's the original sin, somehow eating the forbidden fruit became a euphemism for premarital sex, lust is a deadly sin, and "living in sin" primarily refers to cohabitating with a lover; socially, sex is one of the biggest taboo topics you're not supposed to touch, it's not a coincidence that curse words are universally associated with intercourse and genitals; economically, since the so called "sexual revolution", sex is degraded into a commodity supplied by women and demanded by men, and marriage itself is disparaged as "long term prostitution"; politically, sex is often an "assault" against women, it's a form of power struggle, its primary purpose is not even pleasure, but control, the satisfaction of overcoming another person's resistance and possessing their body.

Last but not least, you've got all kinds of anecdotal complaints about unpleasant experience of sex - that it's painful, it's awkward, it's shameful, it's distracted, it's rushed, mostly from women, very rarely do you hear anything good about sex. This negative aspect is reflected in numerous tv shows and movies. When there's a sex scene, usually it's forced upon the woman, or it's interrupted by a phone call or some other kind of incident, or it's merely hinted, in one scene the couple's making out and lying down, in the next scene they wake up in bed, the entire "ritual" is skipped. Even if none of these mishap takes place, more often than not, sex is the turning point for the WORSE - not the better. You've got the couple madly fallen in love, but once they have sex, their love grows cold, and their relationship begins to unravel. There's just nothing good about sex.

 

[WalterandDebbie]

Hi everyone, I'll get to the point, I'm 17 going on 18, and I'm stuck on one point and that's Sex, on the one hand I know it's wrong to do it before the wedding and that it's a sin and maybe I'll regret it if I don't wait. I'm a Christian and I know a lot of things about God's message / the Bible. All my friends had sex before marriage and they are Christians and they believe and love God. My father told me : "that I should try a girl to have experience and to know if she is really good because when you have only one partner in your whole life you have no way to know." These are all my father's words. But on the other hand, what if I wait for the "right woman" until 40-50 and then get married and have sex. I know the Bible says your body is a holy ghost and it wouldn't be afraid to sleep with you, so sex after the wedding. I love God and it still bothers me, I'm young and I want to find a girl from God and have a nice relationship with her (even sex), because I don't think I know when to wait for someone who didn't pay off in the end. I know I have to believe in jesus and he knows what's best for me and at the right time but still. I don't know how to decide at all, I would be glad if someone who has been in the same situation or has a very good overview and experience could give me some advice. Thank you , have a nice rest of the day.

Hello Tobias077, My advice to you is that you learn more about The Lord, and sex will come as needed because He knows all about that, sex is not the answer, but He is your answer, and marriage is honorable, as long as He knows that you can accept this, He must be your Saviour for life eternal, I pray that you can see and understand this invitation to Christ, please, wait on Him and ask Him for that mate.

When I was your age, I had many problems, but through those temptations, I finally gave my life to Him. 1 John 2:15-17 KJV.

Thank you.

Love, Walter

 

[Rookie]

I agree with you and understand your point. I’m definitely looking for a girl who shares those same values and believes that sex is for marriage. Thanks for your advice and encouragement.

Hey bro, I'm 18 and just like you, got painful sexual urges that I know I can't fulfill until marriage.

I appreciate how everyone gave you the scriptural and theological way of answering, but I'm going to try to shoot as straightforward as possible.

First off, the woman that God has for you and for me is not going to be looking for someone who will deviate from the biblical standard of sexuality.

And also fixing your motive to follow what Jesus said not simply because you got to obey some religious rules, but because you truly understand where the father is coming from, and that he just wants to protect you and us from unseen dangers. Premarital sex blinds your ability to see objectively, when you need to see objectively the most. It makes you exaggerate the good in someone and ignore the bad. You make a spiritual soul tie to that person which is not rude and God but the devil. And that's how you see drama that occurs later in life due to these types of unions. We don't even need to talk about the diseases or wedlock.

Secondly, determining our skills at the tango dance will not matter much at all. Because while sex can provide a strong attachment in a relationship, it by itself will still wear off.

What happens if you are having a disagreement and don't want to be intimate? What happens if God forbid you get a injury or she gets an injury that prevents that from even occurring?
What happens when you guys get too old in order to do that?

The divorce rate is so high here in America is because people want to focus on the tango, and not about the actual substance of a person. They care about the chemistry and Romanticism of it, but not the character. And once you get in marriage all that stuff that we focused on during dating will disappear once we're in marriage because we'll be riding on character. If anything the character of the person will determine how good the tango goes.

And no one said you had to wait till your 40 or 50 to get married, you can get married at 18 if you wanted to, I know I want to get married within the next 3 years if possible and God's will.

Also avoiding things like p- you-know-what will help ease the fight and urge a bit, or else if you're doing that like I used to do, it's going to be a lot harder.

 

[Carry_Your_Name]

The divorce rate is so high here in America is because people want to focus on the tango, and not about the actual substance of a person. They care about the chemistry and Romanticism of it, but not the character. And once you get in marriage all that stuff that we focused on during dating will disappear once we're in marriage because we'll be riding on character. If anything the character of the person will determine how good the tango goes.

And no one said you had to wait till your 40 or 50 to get married, you can get married at 18 if you wanted to, I know I want to get married within the next 3 years if possible and God's will.

Also avoiding things like p- you-know-what will help ease the fight and urge a bit, or else if you're doing that like I used to do, it's going to be a lot harder.

People yearn for chemistry and romanticism because marriage today has been so distorted and tainted, it has deviated from the original one-flesh union so far beyond recognition. We all know this passage, Eph. 5:22-27, which is often being criticized as anti-feminist, an affirmation of the oppressive patriarchy and a justification of domestic violence.

You know what, since you mentioned tango, that's a vivid illustration of what this love-submission dynamic looks like, right on the dance floor. It could be a pas de deux, a waltz or even a figure skating duo, but no other dance is more intimate than an Argentine tango; and whatever genre it might be, it is the man who leads, guides and supports, he'd spin, lift and carry his partner, his role is, as this passage says, to love her by encircling her, encouraging her, showing off her beauty, the most spotless and glorious version of her that she'd reminisce for the rest of her life, him to her is like a frame to a painting, a pedestal to a statue, a stem to a flower, all these instead of showing off himself. And these risky, skillful technical moves, especially the various lifts demand the woman's complete trust in and submission to the man, as her whole body, her whole being relies on him at those moments, any doubt, fear or resistance would only impede the endeavor towards perfection. When the two of them dance, they dance not as two, but as one.

And that's not all, because there's God who paired up the two in the first place, in this analogy it would be the music. Music is their call to the dance floor, and their dance is a visualization of the music, a spiritual, ephereal bond manifested in sensuous, poetic interaction of human forms, each note is translated to a deliberate move through the ingenuity of their choreography, as George Balanchine once said, "see the music, hear the dance." If there's no music, there's no dance. If there's bad music, there's bad dance. If each dances to their own tempo, then they are unequally yoked, their one flesh union will soon disband.

I've made a lot of seemingly antimarriage remarks on this forum not because I really hate marriage or I'm being a sour grape. Quite the opposite, I understand what the Lord means by "from the beginning" in Matt. 19:8 - "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so." What I hate is the abomination that marriage has become of due to our hardened hearts, I lament the loss of that original design, this beautiful, sacred union where chemistry and romanticism reside, with such a love-submission dynamic that is only attainable on the dance floor, on the theater stage behind the curtain, and even that has become increasingly rare in a lot of modern choreographies where dancers lack musicality and raw emotion.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.
Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. (Eph. 5:22-27)

 

[Prycejosh1987]

You do not have to have sex before marriage. But there is no time limit to get married. Its okay to kiss and hug someone. Anything sexual is not advised. But intimacy is important. Grow on your connection while to prepare yourself to get married. The dating period is a communication test most of all.

 

[D-D-W]

I’m 17 years old and I came back to faith on my own, even though I was raised as a Christian my whole life because I was born into it. That’s why I’m here asking questions; I’m new to this and genuinely seeking to understand.

That is a very good attitude.

I understand your concerns and I would like to ask you: What do you think I can do to avoid this temptation and desire? How can I better prepare and keep faith in this area?

Avoid or get rid of the desire? Not going to happen because God gave you that desire and it is part of HIS plan for your life.
As to temptation, that is another story. How you deal with your desires between now and when you get married will grow your strength in standing against temptation. Make a resolve and stick to it. Pray for God to give you strength.

Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

 

[D-D-W]

All my friends had sex before marriage and they are Christians and they believe and love God.

I know I addressed this in post 18 but I would like to make another comment on this. I think my statement was perhaps a bit to harsh and placed the blame in the wrong people.

Matt 28 says we are to make disciples and baptize them. I am assuming all or most of your christian friends are also teenagers or early 20s, right? But it sounds like they are young believers with no one discipling them. That is not the responsibility of a new believer, but of the one who led them to faith. It takes years to train up a physical child and to instill wisdom on how to make proper life decisions. It is the same with new believers.

Yes - they are sinning, but no one equipped them to be able to stand up to temptation; and perhaps no one actually told them it was wrong. Many churches these days will not make a stand for biblical righteousness. They lead people astray.

My father told me : "that I should try a girl to have experience and to know if she is really good because when you have only one partner in your whole life you have no way to know."

This is a great example of a lack of true biblical discipleship. Your dad is substituting worldly wisdom for biblical wisdom.

Can I PM you?