Advice to a Young Engaged Man

[Navigator]

Well, I have not been around the forum very consistently and wasn't allowed to post in this particular forum for most of my time on cfnet, but wanted to throw out probably the most vague question of all time in regards to marriage and see what happens. Sooo to all who are married, male or female, what is your best item(s) of advice as my fiance and I go forward into marriage and living that out? (We are getting married on August 2nd of this year)

Thank you all and I'm excited to see what you all have.

Proverbs 11:14

 

[Kathi]

1) Trust God.
2) Don't jump into marriage lightly,God intends for marriage to be a lifetime.
3) Know the person you are marrying and have a very clear understanding of the person you are to wed.
4) If you are a Christian do not be unevenly yoked.Be sure that other person is comitted to God completely.Sometimes that can change after marriage because your mate wanted to please you.

 

[reba]

respect each other

 

[Kathi]

Wait a while before you have children so you can get to know each other better and have fun.

 

[AirDancer]

In addition to the fine advice above, make certain you are fully advised of each other's financial standing (i.e., debts, credit cards, spending habits). One checking account or two? Separate savings accounts? Roth IRA and 401K contributions?

Do you want pets or no; if yes, a dog? a cat? fish or rodents? (It's important going into marriage to know this)

Interior decorating preferences: wallpaper or paint? Pastels or bold colors? Clean line furniture or over-stuffed? Wood furniture or upholstered.

Household chores: who will do what.

Oh, and there's this. It may not seem like much at this point in your lives, Navigator, but knowing ahead of time which side of the bed one prefers to sleep can resolve any issues later. Also, closet space for hanging clothes can be an issue as well.

I knew one couple who ended up with 2 coffee makers because they preferred different brands of coffee, and neither was willing to give up their preference.

Besides financial, the little aspects of our lives can cause more problems in a marriage than major elements.

Oh, and never ever let the sun go down without resolving differences. (In other words, never go to bed angry with each other!)

And above all, love our Lord and place him first and foremost in your marriage!

 

[Kathi]

In addition to the fine advice above, make certain you are fully advised of each other's financial standing (i.e., debts, credit cards, spending habits). One checking account or two? Separate savings accounts? Roth IRA and 401K contributions?

Do you want pets or no; if yes, a dog? a cat? fish or rodents? (It's important going into marriage to know this)

Interior decorating preferences: wallpaper or paint? Pastels or bold colors? Clean line furniture or over-stuffed? Wood furniture or upholstered.

Household chores: who will do what.

Oh, and there's this. It may not seem like much at this point in your lives, Navigator, but knowing ahead of time which side of the bed one prefers to sleep can resolve any issues later. Also, closet space for hanging clothes can be an issue as well.

I knew one couple who ended up with 2 coffee makers because they preferred different brands of coffee, and neither was willing to give up their preference.

Besides financial, the little aspects of our lives can cause more problems in a marriage than major elements.

Oh, and never ever let the sun go down without resolving differences. (In other words, never go to bed angry with each other!)

And above all, love our Lord and place him first and foremost in your marriage!

I knew a couple who were in their late fourties and were getting married for the first time.Neither of them had been married before.Boy,they had an awful time.They fought about everything.They were so set in their ways

 

[Navigator]

I just started drinking coffee this past year so I don't know enough to have a preference.
Thank you all for the sound advice.

 

[Andrew Mason]

Pre-marital counseling.

Taking personal responsibility to another level. Meaning, you're not accountable to God for your spouse's behavior. You're only accountable for your own behavior. Don't justify your own bad behavior because of how you perceive your spouse acting. Be accountable to God.

 

[Kathi]

Pre-marital counseling.

Taking personal responsibility to another level. Meaning, you're not accountable to God for your spouse's behavior. You're only accountable for your own behavior. Don't justify your own bad behavior because of how you perceive your spouse acting. Be accountable to God.

Good advise.

 

[Danus]

First of all congratulations!

The best advice, the one I found the most true, is to know that love is not something you fall Into or out of. Love is a conscious effort. It's a decision. Because it's a conscious decision, it requires a consciousness effort. You have to "work" at your marriage.

I like to think of marriage as a garden. If you think about it, this applies to all relationships. You have to plan, study up, prepare, plant, weed, water etc. otherwise you will be left with nothing much to enjoy.

 

[Knotical]

I would like to reiterate the pre-marital counseling. Especially, if it includes an comprehensive personality test. My wife and I did this twice. The second time not only did we take it on ourselves, but we also took one to how much we know the other person. This will flesh out a lot, not all, of what you may or may not know about the other person.

You can know a person for years and still not know everything you need to.

 

[Navigator]

Yeah we are currently doing premarital counseling and reading Tim Keller's book The Meaning of Marriage