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Manuel

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Hello, to everyone here, and thank goodness this forumn doesn't have the red-tape that every other forumn seems to have.

I'm new here, and was hoping to seek Clarification regarding an expierience in which my Trust in God has extensively diminished. To give people some information, so they understand more so who they are talking to from a conceptual standpoint, I'm well read concerning the Doctrine and exeology of The Bible and it made sense up until I had a spiritual expierience that made it make absolutely no sense at all. Having Learned what had happened to me, essentially the devil, through certain methods prompted me through fear of going to hell, to entertain the thought of how to receive The Holy Spirit and I wound up being led to say a gnostic prayer, which I'm sure now makes me a gnostic.

My problem, is No one has been able to answer any of my questions and my Trust in God has almost declined because this, based on The Bible's doctrine related to how God oversees the world, allowed this. I have since developed a certain anger towards God, if I'm honest in that The Bible says and states, that He in no wise turns away those who seek him, and Conceptually those who seek him hear his voice.

I hope I wont offend anyone asking my questions here, in an initial post, if I do I realize its pointless to ask Christians my questions.

To preface what I'm writing, as someone who devoted their life to understanding The Bible and seeking out God from a completely innocent desire in childhood, and into adult life, the expieruence I've had with gnosticism, and the spiritual result being gnosis has left me even more angry, which ill explain. I assume, my problem is also the cause of why people challenge The Bible's legitimacy.

To Clarify, I feel as if I have the perspective of someone who knows everything there is regarding The Bible , having spent almost my whole life trying to both do what it said and chasing Jesus, and, as a result of saying a gnostic prayer, Everything there is regarding pagan spirituality, and I have a problem with that as someone who sought the God of The Bible.
 
For Clarification, since Christians apparently have no concept of gnosis, gnosis is associated with a form of spiritual learning, its associated with new age knowledge and what The Bible calls or address as the doctrine of demons. I assume from this explanation a Christian might understand why I'm upset.


My question and first question, is why, on earth would God allow for me to be deceived into saying a gnostic prayer that is in essence an initiate ritual into the demonic? The prayer I said used the word Jesus as part of its main emphasis and I consequently found out it wasn't Christian.


To add to my discontent, when I was a child, I was heavily abused and apparently those who were associated with a family line practiced witchraft. I'm assuming that in purview of my life, God decided to visit that inquiry on me, at least thats what I assume.


I was abused heavily, as a cavaet when I was young, and there was an extreme presence of demons involved in my life. I also would like to state at this point Christians shouldn't perceptual have a problem discussing spiritual things, nor discussing matters that deal with a particular problem a person is experiencing. The demonic is a reality.


To wade through a long story, when I was a teenager I wound up becoming possessed. Had to seek deliverance, the pastor never told me they would come back and while I had thought that if I focus on Jesus and take time to learn about him, then everything would be fine. Instead the pastor left me with " the devil becomes the most interested with those he loses."
 
From that point on life never stopped being spiritual in the context of spiritual expieruences. Fast forward again I said a gnostic prayer.


Through gnosis, I expierienced supernatural knowledge by which I became aware that all world religious symbolism depicts baphomet, and conversely is the reason baphomet is depicted using world religious symbolism, associated with the zodiac and constellations which developed as part of the ancient practices associated with babylon, witchraft. Christians should be able to easily recognize that the khanda or sikh symbol is in the shape of baphomets head. Baphomet is associated with satanism.


Throughout all of my spiritual expieriences, I didn't initially question The Bible, but then rationalized that if God allowed for this to happen to me, that consequently, pre-destination and other matters are brought into question.


I have since argued with actual demonic spirits, am the only person to realize the depth of gnosis and generally feel extremely aggressive towards God now as viewing this as something in which God gave me over to a depraved mind, and instead of believing the doctrine of demons, realized what they were doing and realized all religions are collectively the same, and the basis of the antichrist is the religious concept of the god-self, and that apparently every religious person is a candidate for reasons associated with religious belief systems and possession.


In my time having expierienced this, I have no idea how to Conceptualize that God actually saves everyone who honestly comes to Him, and have begun viewing Him as someone who simply performs His Word based on his authority.


I have also questioned if God is omniscient or simply in Control and has revealed His Plan which he has power to execute to The Prophets.


If Christians can please explain, how or why I expierienced this and why God allowed this, it would be appreciated, because I think, I wasn't suppose to realize I was being deceived and that makes me extremely angry because whether or not my destination is hell, I'm extremely offended that I would have found out after death if I was deceived, and now that I have found out, my life has a consistently daily, degree of problems in which people actually call me cursed.
 
Between being born in an abusive family, seeking Christ and actually Spreading The Gospel, and at some point becoming a gnostic I have questioned God's Holiness and Goodness. There are times when I sit there and say maybe I don't understand, but then there are times where, I trust that I am intelligent enough to understand my predicament and that the difficulties I have faced in life have supernatural causes, possibly because God is visiting the iniquity of people who didn't like Him to much and I just happened to win a family-line lottery.


I'm extremely offended in that:


I have tried to do everything God has said in The Bible and it seemed to produce the opposite result in life.


2.) That now when I quesrion The Bible I wonder if the people in The Bible understood what they are talking about. I Conceptually do not thinks satan blinds the mind of people now, I think the possessed can not help but do what they are forced to do by the spirits that posess them and certain things said in The Bible are interpretations but I realize every Christian is going to disagree with that, and because of certain life expieriences I'm going to disagree with them.


I also want a question answered if possible, that I recently Evaluated during a Bible Study, that, soddom and Gomorrah and the agagites were destroyed by God, without God offering repentance of warning them at all. They were simply annihilated, and if sin follows course of Adam's original sin, that does not seem at all fair or mercifully.


Also, from my reading the prophet Samuel, was the one who informed a king to destroy the aggagites, all women, all children, all oxen, and everything but the king sparred the life of a women and she had a child who was anti-semetic for reasons associated with his people being annihilated by the jews.


Haman, in the book of esther then decided to become vengeful ( which many nations that were Jewish retaliated against people who did things against them, such as in the story of samson) didn't realize esther was Jewish, when she became a queen and wound up being hung at the end of the book of esther as the primary protagonist, and was viewed as a villain. I can't Conceptually draw the moral line with certain things in The Bible anymore, where in case of the jews, they are allowed or ordered to relatialte, and those who happen to find themselves unluckily born who neither know anything about God and only have knowledge of their culture and a perspective of the jews as those who either slaughtered their culture, or are effectively there enemies, alludes to a God who is seemingly notmerciful, and in the case of haman, is perceptually making military strategies using ethers life and lineage as a jew to eradicate " enemies" he initially ordered for destruction.


In some cases, those who are evil in The Bible are obviously evil, in other cases, people who do the same things the jews did, are evil, but the jews are not.


There are also other instances where there are verses in The Bible that just seem so pagan. Like the person who sacrificed his daughter because he came back from war and made a vow with God.


There are also things Jesus said, like when God said " ye are gods" and where The Bible specifically states that God stands in the counsel of the mighty, separated by a colon, and then states God stands in the congregation of the gods specifically stating god's actually exist.


From my expierience of gnosis, and from my reading of Th Bible, and even in certain instances where nebechenezzer, a pagan was aware of the existence of the sun of God, which, wasn't even a consistent them yet in The Bible, and between God calling judas a devil, and using him for a purpouse rather than pointing out his sin and rebuking him, I'm really starting to wonder where God's mercy begins and where God seems to choose to save people.


In my expierience, I question if God saves all people and what His actual plans are.


Some people seem to just be casualties of war and are treated as so what. What really is The Bible and as a last question, why from what I can tell are certain prophets doing things that are consistent with the definition of witchraft and why were certain cities never offered repentance where the Gospel was never Spread?


I also can't really even control my thoughts recently and have yet to understand Conceptually, how a person can repent if they can not follow the law because a person falls under the curse of the law, of they attempt to do so but are exhorted to do so as part of repentance, which is associated with Conditional Grace and mercy.


It really isn't making as much sense as it use to, and its overwhelming, especially because things keep on going wrong in my life and I never volunteered myself to know anything.


It feels as if I was taught something and then because of what I was taught, that was somehow my fault when I didn't even know what was happening and, I'm offended because I feel as if I was suppose to be deceived, and when I found something out it seemed to outrage whatever was teaching me.


Is God Honest, and thats a question I'm really concerned about lately.
 
I also have expierience some hatred by Christians by asking such provocative questions and now realize that Christians tend to make a lot of enemies because of how they talk with people.

I'm not really sure what to think anymore.
And I think I'm starting to either realize God hates me, for whatever reason, and that there's nothing I can do about it. I have also read things that certain things were taken out of The Bible, not sure if they were.

What do I do, and its really hard to want to love anything right now so if someone could conceptually explain what happened, I'd prefer that.
 
Wow, Manuel, sounds like you have much swirling around in your mind. To be honest, I have not completely read everything you've written above. It's quite a mouth full, you know. One thought that did enter my mind is with regard to the "gnostic" prayer you spoke of.

All is not lost for Jesus said, “And I tell you, everyone who acknowledges me before men, the Son of Man also will acknowledge before the angels of God, but the one who denies me before men will be denied before the angels of God. And everyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but the one who blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven."
Luke 12:8-10 NKJV

And...
Now as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and after blessing it broke it and gave it to the disciples, and said, “Take, eat; this is my body.” And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he gave it to them, saying, “Drink of it, all of you, for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.”
Matthew 26:26-28 NKJV

And...

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God."
John 3:16-18 NKJV

And finally to address all this confusion going on....
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

You have forgiveness in Jesus Christ and He calls you to lay your troubles at the foot of His cross. From Matthew 7:7-8 NKJV, “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened."
 
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This is a lot to sort through as you have so many things running through your mind causing so much confusion and frustration in your life. WIP gave you some very good advice using that of what Jesus has already said so I will not give scripture as those he gave says it all.

You are not lost of God, but lost of self as Satan is trying all he can to keep you away from God. Jesus is waiting for you to come to Him with a humbled heart and as it is written in the scriptures that Jesus wants you to lay this burden down at His feet and surrender all of your self to Him, especially in this time of your need. God is not about religion(s) as He is about us having a personal relationship with Christ.

The Son of God is that free gift of God's grace given to all who will believe by faith in Christ Jesus and confess Him as Lord and Savior so they will see the kingdom of God, Ephesians 2:8-10; John 3:5-7; Romans 10:9, 10. This is why we have to be Spiritually born again from above and indwelled with the Holy Spirit of promise who teaches us in all truths, John 14:26. Man can't teach us, religion can't teach us, but by the Spirit of God is who teaches us as the Holy Spirit works through those who have been sealed and anointed to go forth into the world just as the Disciples were on the day of Pentecost in Acts Chapter 2.

Spiritual warfare is real as the principalities, rulers of the darkness of this world, as we come against spiritual wickedness in high places. How do we combat this, by putting on the full armor of God, Ephesians 6:10-20. Jesus has already won that battle for us in giving us His power and authority to stand strong against the enemy.

What I can suggest for you is to find a quiet place where you will not be disturb and pour your heart out to the Lord giving Him everything that is inside of you holding nothing back as this will be the start of your healing process, but after you are done pouring everything out stay still long enough to hear God speak to your heart no matter how long it takes to hear His still small voice.

Many of us have come out from being abused, dealing with demons, drug and alcohol abuse, sexual depravity, etc. etc. as the list is long and what we all have in our common ground is our love for the Lord and for each other as we are here to lift up and edify one another through the love of Christ. We might not always agree with each other in our understandings and that's alright for we are all ever learning.

Just know that God will meet you where you are.
 
I also have expierience some hatred by Christians by asking such provocative questions and now realize that Christians tend to make a lot of enemies because of how they talk with people.

I'm not really sure what to think anymore.
And I think I'm starting to either realize God hates me, for whatever reason, and that there's nothing I can do about it. I have also read things that certain things were taken out of The Bible, not sure if they were.

What do I do, and its really hard to want to love anything right now so if someone could conceptually explain what happened, I'd prefer that.

Anything such as what you were involved can be forgiven by God if you go to Him in humility and confess your sin, and ask Hm to forgive you, and cleanse you of all unrighteousness.


If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9


God loves you and desires you to be well and whole and blessed.



Have you turned to God and asked Him to forgive you?


You are loved and welcome here.



JLB
 
Is God Honest,

Welcome to the forum.
You've asked some interesting questions which seem to boil down to this, " is God honest, can we trust what he has said? "

All I am going to do is point you to Jesus.
What evidence do you have that the gospels are not accurate and reliable.
They and the many other contemporary authors confirm that Jesus lived, was regarded as a ' good ' man, even as a miracle worker, that he was executed, hurried and that his tomb was found to be empty.
I would refer to to G Habermass and his research on the resurrection for more details on this.

Paul in 1Cot 15, talks about if Christ did not rise from the dead we are still sinners

Did Jesus rise from the dead, did he appear to the disciples?

What is your explanation that accounts for the gospel records and is reasonable?

Do you believe a half dead man could move several tons of stone, evade a guard detail, wander around Jerusalem for several days without any medical attention and yet convince people he was fit and healthy.
Only a fool believes this.

The disciples made a mistake and went to the wrong tomb/ secretly moved the body or Joseph and Nicodemus secretly moved the body and no one ever realised this happened?


If Jesus rose from the dead, he dealt with our sins, he is the only way to God, he is the answer to your problems and questions.

Is God honest, trustworthy etc etc etc?

Yes he is, but my answer will not be enough, you have to investigate Jesus, meet with him, repent and accept him as your Saviour and Lord and live for him.
 
Manuel, you have genuine questions, I think, and I recognize some of them as once being my own.
First, let me assure you that God has had his eyes and hand on you throughout. You’re not a “tough case” for him at all, either. Like you, I think, I was abused by both Christian folk and occult folk for much of my early life. Healing has come to me through kind and faithful people, mostly Christians, and mostly well trained in psychology or theology. I also have formal theological training. What I know for sure is that healing comes in relationship, just like the wounds did.
I also agree that nothing I say will satisfy. It is the person of Jesus who satisfies, his love that defies reason, his sacrifice that makes a way for us to be reconciled to our Father. Trusting him and allowing him to take first priority will take the pressure off some of these spinning, spiraling questions you have. And welcome to this fellowship of imperfect and passionate followers of Jesus
 
I was abused heavily, as a cavaet when I was young, and there was an extreme presence of demons involved in my life. I also would like to state at this point Christians shouldn't perceptual have a problem discussing spiritual things, nor discussing matters that deal with a particular problem a person is experiencing. The demonic is a reality.
I have also been abused, as a believer in God, as a person and as a man. I think its best to trust in God to take away the past from your mind. We live in a really horrible world where most of the people have bad mindsets. Pray the abuse away and seek the Holy Spirit to take away your bad moments from your mentality. You must renew your mind and purify your heart daily. This is what i do to stop remembering my past. You have to sow seeds of the present to have a good life full of victories. All the best Manny.
 
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