Having spent a considerable amount of time in the charismatic realms I know what it is like to be a "Light junkie." Not saying this is a bad thing, but what usually happens is we always seek to "fuel" that aspect, so we can keep running, feeling only good.
I think some may know where this invariably heads. We run out of fuel. Then we scurry to have more, and more and more. And it lasts less and less and less. It really is a form of addiction. I spent at least 10 years of my believing life sucking the light out of any place it was shed, from teachers present, past, the scriptures, anywhere. And always
so I could "feel only good" about myself and my life, to stay seated only in LIGHT. To see myself as capital P Perfect, even better. That could keep me running longer yet.
But sooner or later, reality strikes or reality bites.
It is a path of guaranteed failure, and a vicious cycle that the majority of believers, sincere ones anyway, go through. And we do this because we really can't deal with present reality and we don't want to look at the "whole equations" of God and His Word, and why we have this addiction. The addiction itself is a good addiction. I still remain, for the most part, completely absorbed by Gods Words on a daily basis. And there are always amazing things to encounter therein that can be taken to the street in our daily walks in this present life.
So, ultimately, I came to know WHY it was that I needed this "fuel." Why am I addicted to His Light? Why am I like a moth, drawn inexorably to His Flame?
Can I say I currently have "all" the Grace there is to have? No. The Grace of God in Christ is an inexhaustible expenditure. Can I say I have all the Mercy of God in Christ? Again, no. It is an inexhaustible expenditure. When I say to myself, I have it all on either count, I have probably missed the point altogether.
The question then turned to
"why" do I NEED? Why am I a LIGHT junkie?
Probably spent at least the same 10 years above studying or trying to find "harmony" between Law and Grace. These are hard places to remedy. And again, we can sometimes turn ourselves topsy turvy on these matters. On the one hand, trying to understand and live in obedience, which in Perfect Purposes we might succomb to thinking if we have "enough Grace" then we should be able to live in obedience to His Laws. I mean we don't "murder and steal" by Grace or by Law. What then is the difference? Grace and Law are not at odds in this purpose and intent. (this is one minor example.) But most camps of christianity revolve around these 2 aspects of scripture and they toss in Gods Mercy
when we need "excuses" for our failures.
By this time, after having delved headlong into just about every angle that is postured by every group and any scholar I could find, I encountered probably my first "honest" believer who "remedied" law vs. Grace for me. And he showed me a door of understanding. I'll share this, knowing now, in advance and expectation of what comes, the consequences being TWO fold. It was just a matter of having "all" the pieces put in place. A matter of understanding, of wisdom.
The exchange was brief. It went something like this:
My question: Why the law?
Response: Who is the law for?
My response: 1 Tim. 1:9. The law is for sinners. Romans 3:9, 1 John 1:8, We are all sinners. Therefore the law is for us (or against us?)
Response: Is the devil a sinner?
My response: Of course. 1 John 3:8, the devil is also a sinner, and has been from the beginning. The evil one, the wicked one. Of course, the devil and his own are assuredly sinners.
Response: Why then don't you see the LAW
as being against THEM? And THEM completely UNABLE to be lawful.
I had to think about that for a minute because I had NEVER factored that possible fact into all my long years of study of these matters.
Then this scripture immediately came to mind:
Mark 4:
15 And these are they by the way side,
where the word is sown; but when they have heard,
Satan cometh immediately, and taketh away the word that was sown
in their hearts.
And, at that moment, I knew not only had I been nearly completely blind, but had been stolen from. Because I DENIED to my dying breath, every time I had read that scripture prior, that this happened/happens to me, because "I, I, I" am a believer.
I spent, probably the next 3 years, on my own, studying this premise for soundness. And found it quite secure and honest to the scriptural discourses.
I knew, from my addiction to Light,
that I was being STOLEN from, internally. And from that came the understanding of Grace and Mercy in Christ
and WHY my need.
As a footnote, I never again saw me as "just me." NOR do I see you as just "you."
Here is our Maker, our Redeemer, in action in the package of a believer. I'll put the parties in brackets:
[
the god of this world in the flesh<Jesus in our midst>the believer]
All those times where you may have read "wherever 2 or more are gathered in my name, There I am in the "midst" of them" and saw that as an external matter, IT ISN'T.
The TWO or more are seen in the construct of man, the believer, in the flesh. Count 'em.
1, ,
Jesus in our MIDST,
2. UPlifting the believer, Him always
putting down the other working/worker.
This is the package of US, with Jesus "in our midst" DIVIDING us from our adversary, and from darkness/evil present/sin dwelling in our flesh. This is the same package that Paul shows us in many places, particularly in 2 Cor. 12:7.
Now I take His Light for myself. And KEEP it, SECURELY, always. Every Word of Him. And in this I found even MORE LIFE. More than enough to keep me running all the days of my life.
God said in the O.T. "turn ye at my REPROOF." And His Promise for those who do so:
Proverbs 1:23
Turn you at my reproof: behold, I will pour out my spirit unto you, I will make known my words unto you.
Isaiah 42:16
And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them.
When Gods LIGHT is shed upon us, it will EXPOSE, not only "our darkness" but the CAUSE of the problems of ourselves, and of MAN.
We are not to run away from this disclosure. It is the basis of our NEED of Mercy and Grace in Christ. And it FORCES us into Him. The enemy in hot pursuit.
When the candle of the Lord is LIT in our hearts, here is what is found, in the house of man:
Psalm 18:28
For thou wilt light my candle: the Lord my God will enlighten my darkness.
Anyone who is trying to save their darkness is wasting their time. And anyone who says they don't have any darkness "in Christ" is deceived by that darkness and the THIEF.
And they will chase their religious tails, all the days of their lives, looking for the fix, where there is NONE to be had. There is however, exposure.
Now, how much LIGHT do you want?
