Affairs at the Office

[Mike]

I've worked from my home for the past 12 years, so I haven't been working in an office since 1999. (I was a Math major in college. ) I started a new job on June 6th. I'm back in an office, and I love the job so far, but wow... It seems lust is in the air in a big way.

Either this plagues the office much more than it did a decade ago, this office is exceptionally hormonal, or I'm just hearing about some things that make it seem bigger than it is. It seems office affairs are happening, or suspected to be happening, everywhere. I certainly don't seek the information. I'd rather not hear about it at all, and I tell people this, but they still can't help bringing me up to speed. :gah

Two people in my department (one married to a person high up in corporate Human Resources) had an affair ending up with one person being forced to leave. The counterpart to the situation left shortly after I arrived. It seems more pervasive than I ever remember it being. And these are all professionals, mostly with Masters Degrees, in their 40's & 50's. It's not like their all going through puberty.

Does anyone else see this happening more at the work-place in 2011 than years ago??

 

[jasoncran]

i see it more in the military then i have ever did back in the early 90's. on my civilian job. not really.

 

[Chris]

first thing that comes to mind- Gossip is about the fastest way to make a person hate you and also loose trust with someone.

If it were me I would be constantly subject changing. if someone said "Guess whose having an affair?" I would reply "where did you get that thing your wearing from its cool. That gets it changed fast.

you gotta think also why you get told stuff..

I never hear of that in mine. They are not gossipy people and its against company policy to do it.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Sorry your office is so sleazy. I don't know if its more common now than it was 10 years ago. I imagine some of the difference is a subtle cultural shift; I think we're now entering the final phase of the sexual revolution/evolution, the one in which we've gone from saying sex before marriage is a-ok to viewing infidelity and bi-and homosexuality as acceptable. Does this mean its more common? I have no idea, you'd have to do a study to see if that's the case. I do think people are more promiscuous now, or at least more open about promiscuity, than they were 10 years ago, but like I said, I think its a relatively subtle shift at this point.

 

[handy]

I think that there have always been these kinds of affairs, but one thing that has changed for sure has been people's willingness to talk about things that used to be somewhat shameful. With things like Facebook, Twitter and TV shows that will celebrate just about every kind of sin (like that show which lines up men and have them tested to see which one is the father of a kid), there is no shame in our society. I was at the Dr.s office yesterday with Thomas, and this show was on about two people getting a divorce and the woman and the judge were berating the man for his drug use, his womanizing and his lack of holding a job. All things that deserve a good tongue-lashing, but on syndicated TV?

With all of this, we've developed a culture where talking about things that used to be done in secret has become the norm. And, since people are talking more about the shameful things they do, gossip mongers have plenty to feast upon.

What to do when the gossip mongers come your way....here's where it gets tough, because if you don't relish the gossip like everyone else, you'll become somewhat of a target yourself. Changing the subject can be hard if you're not blunt, but telling others "I don't wish to discuss my co-workers sex lives", no matter how professional, will bring about a back-lash against you. One thing that can be helpful is to try to get to know more about your co-workers...the things they like to do, what sports teams they follow, if they have kids and change the subject to one of those subjects. One thing gossips love to talk about even more than other people is their own lives...so if one counters "Hey, did you hear the latest about John and Mary" with "Not all that interested...but I was wondering how your kid did in the hockey game, did his team win? Are they going to the finals?" can work. Another is the preemptive strike, when one of the gossips head your way say something like "Oh Jim, glad you're here...do you know if we won the Smith bid?"

But, good luck with trying to avoid it completely. When I worked in a office back in the 90's, it was just as sleazy. I just had to somewhat gloss over it, the same way I did the cussing. Eventually I was able to make a lateral move in the company to a department that wasn't as bad about discussing people's sex lives non-stop.

 

[Mike]

Just so I'm clear, it's not that I can't stop them as their going on about these affairs. It's more that these tidbits are offered up, and then the cork is popped. I know what I know and there's no putting that toothpaste back in the tube. i think it's only natural to form opinions about people based on information like this. This isn't about me, though. I
didn't bring it up to work out a problem, but to talk about changes in the workplace
culture. Chris, I don't know what you're implying by asking why they share this with me, but I'd say it's because I'm new and have heard the fodder yet.

 

[reba]

Just think how our home would look if everything was "out of the closet"

 

[handy]

Just think how our home would look if everything was "out of the closet"

Reba, you should see my home...in the kids' rooms everything is "out of the closet". It's all strewn about the floor, their beds, on their dressers.

Mike, you mean you're not going to wrestle them to the floor and stuff a tie in their mouths....;)

Seriously, I hear you about the culture shift here. But, we do indeed live in a culture where just about every sinful behavior is glorified.

And, here's a real spanner in the works...I think a lot of the culture shift about this sort of thing comes from having far more women in supervisory and management positions. I really do believe that women are far worse gossips than men are, in general. We just simply are more interested in who's seeing who, and what couples are doing. And, women seem to have far more of a need to talk about things.

It's just a personal observation, and I'll probably get clobbered for expressing it, but in every workplace I've worked in that had a lot of women managers and supervisors, the gossip was far more intense than the places that were ran more by men.

 

[reba]

Handy

 

[Lewis]

You are right Dora

 

[Pard]

Ah... office romance. Perhaps the single worst idea ever created in this modern era... Sounds great until you break up and then someone is either going to be finding a new job or it will be the most awkward place in the world.

Just saying I used to work with a bunch of teens and we never had any romance issues. Heck we had an almost 50:50 ratio of guys to girls and there was never any relationship/romance going down. Except for two kids who were married... Now other departments in the store had some romance things going down but those departments were where the older people worked.

Conclusion: You old people are a bunch of weirdos... :yes

 

[jasoncran]

Ah... office romance. Perhaps the single worst idea ever created in this modern era... Sounds great until you break up and then someone is either going to be finding a new job or it will be the most awkward place in the world.

Just saying I used to work with a bunch of teens and we never had any romance issues. Heck we had an almost 50:50 ratio of guys to girls and there was never any relationship/romance going down. Except for two kids who were married... Now other departments in the store had some romance things going down but those departments were where the older people worked.

Conclusion: You old people are a bunch of weirdos... :yes

old? lol.

 

[Bonairos]

I'm back in an office, and I love the job so far, but wow... It seems lust is in the air in a big way.

HAHA! The things we tend to see and hear when outside of our norm (our comfort zone or what we’ve grown accustomed to). It’s no doubt a shock being thrust into a different environment. Yet even with added knowledge, one can only attempt to imagine all that God Himself sees in the lives of all men.

I certainly don't seek the information. I'd rather not hear about it at all, and I tell people this, but they still can't help bringing me up to speed.

I hear you. I’ve come to learn that if someone is quick to talk to me about someone else, then odds are good that they are also quick to talk about me to someone else as well.

Question is, “What do I tell them? What do I give them to talk about?!†Because talk, they will.

And these are all professionals, mostly with Masters Degrees, in their 40's & 50's. It's not like their all going through puberty.

I suppose sin has no favorites, nor is it willing to release one for the other.

Does anyone else see this happening more at the work-place in 2011 than years ago??

A follow up question might be, “Is anyone disturbed, appalled, repelled (you fill in the word), by it in 2011 as they may have been years ago?!â€



Good OP. Worth pondering . . .



Be blessed, Stay blessed, and be Bold!

 

[Lewis]

I'm so good looking until I can't go to work anymore, why ? Because all 433 women in the building want's me, and I can't take it anymore. They chase me to my car, they camp outside my house, they are on the roof looking in my skylight, I just can't take it any more. I can't get any work done because they fight over me all day. Somebody help me, it doesn't pay to be a heart throb, just look at my picture, now you see why. Shemar Moore is my stage name.