If there is someone who has done something horrendous to me but never asked forgiveness, . . . am I still required to forgive them for their actions against me? For example, my ex wife, who basically stabbed me through the heart, then kicked me repeatedly when I was down. If she never asked for forgiveness for doing that, am I still supposed to forgive her, or only IF she asked for forgiveness?
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Am I to forgive one who doesn't ask for it?
- Thread starter Orion
- Start date
handy
Member
Orion,
I was sexually abused as a kid. The abuse was by a family member and lasted for 6 years. I never told, and he was never brought to justice. It was most likely due to his actions that I was unable to ever bear children.
When I got older, I struggled with this very question, because no, the abuser never asked forgiveness. The only thing was, by the time I was an adult, and fully understood the harm he did, he was incapable of ever doing such a thing to anyone else. However, I didn't want to forgive him.
I've read through some of your other post where you've shared your experience. I have this advice and give it to you as a sister in the Lord.
You will not heal and not move on unless you do forgive her. I struggled greatly as an adult to come to grips with the abuse I suffered. But it was when I came to finally forgive the abuser that I began to completely heal. The bitterness I carred finally began to fall away and I started moving forward. Frankly, the years that I fought against forgiving him, were years that I allowed him to still hurt me. He was still undermining my ability to function as a healthy adult. That ended with my forgiveness of him. When I forgave, and healed, it made a temendous difference in how I related to God, to others and even to myself. I'm much better off now, than when I was carrying that bitter bundle of resentment and bitterness on my back.
I realize this isn't an easy road. It took me years before I finally came to grips with this. It may take years for you to do the same. But, it will be worth it. Forgive her, and let her go. You cannot change the past here, Orion, you can only continue to disrupt your future.
I'll pray for you in this matter Orion.
I was sexually abused as a kid. The abuse was by a family member and lasted for 6 years. I never told, and he was never brought to justice. It was most likely due to his actions that I was unable to ever bear children.
When I got older, I struggled with this very question, because no, the abuser never asked forgiveness. The only thing was, by the time I was an adult, and fully understood the harm he did, he was incapable of ever doing such a thing to anyone else. However, I didn't want to forgive him.
I've read through some of your other post where you've shared your experience. I have this advice and give it to you as a sister in the Lord.
You will not heal and not move on unless you do forgive her. I struggled greatly as an adult to come to grips with the abuse I suffered. But it was when I came to finally forgive the abuser that I began to completely heal. The bitterness I carred finally began to fall away and I started moving forward. Frankly, the years that I fought against forgiving him, were years that I allowed him to still hurt me. He was still undermining my ability to function as a healthy adult. That ended with my forgiveness of him. When I forgave, and healed, it made a temendous difference in how I related to God, to others and even to myself. I'm much better off now, than when I was carrying that bitter bundle of resentment and bitterness on my back.
I realize this isn't an easy road. It took me years before I finally came to grips with this. It may take years for you to do the same. But, it will be worth it. Forgive her, and let her go. You cannot change the past here, Orion, you can only continue to disrupt your future.
I'll pray for you in this matter Orion.
Atonement
Member
I forgave my ex Orion. She beat the crap out of me, and then she burned herself with a iron and blamed me, I went to jail for 6 months until my case was thrown out because "The turth prevailed." She never asked for forgiveness. Let me not even start about what she did to my heart and our daughter!!!!!!!!! I'm a Christian and I'm a better person then she is, I forgave her. I still forgive her. It was just the other day (last weekend), when I was dropping off my daughter, she was laughing with her new boyfriend and mocking me because I spent time inside. All I said was "I might have spent time inside, but your word will never be trusted in court again, and you have a nice scar from that iron burn." Oh she got upset LOL Called me names. . .
But she's forgiven, truly she is from me. Has she asked for forgiveness from the Lord? I don't know
But she's forgiven, truly she is from me. Has she asked for forgiveness from the Lord? I don't know
R
Rick W
Guest
I've forgiven my first wife for abandoning me and our two kids... 4 and 5 at the time, to run off with another man. That relationship didn't even last 30 days. But yes, I forgave her. Even to the point of remarrying her 2 years later after the ensuing divorce losing every thing I had. She did it again, this time while the kids were in high school. Though I never saw her again I was able to get another divorce. And I forgave her once again.
jgredline
Member
While I don't have a divorce to speak of, I was hurt ''very'' bad as a youth by my Pastor and carried that Grudge for years until one day I say him again at a mens retreat...As soon as I saw him, I went up to him, gave him a hug and forgave him...He had been caring for years the burden at what he had done to me....(lest your mind run, it was nothing sexually related)...The freedom I felt was unbelievable... Later on in Life it happened to me with another Pastor that hurt me in the same way....I carried that Grudge for the better part of a year until God really convicted me and I forgave him....So there is freedom in forgiving...
On a second note, If we hold on to grudges and do not forgive men for the trespasses committed against us, ''our prayers will be hindered'' as were mine for all those years....
I will someone else post up the scriptures, as I have to get to work...
On a second note, If we hold on to grudges and do not forgive men for the trespasses committed against us, ''our prayers will be hindered'' as were mine for all those years....
I will someone else post up the scriptures, as I have to get to work...
R
Rick W
Guest
Potluck said:
Well, not right away, and rather grudgingly at first.
: Had to go through about the same thing jgredline did.
J
Justmee
Guest
Orion...I think we HAVE to forgive others even when they don't ask for it. It's a matter of keeping our own sanity. Maybe it's more like, "Father forgive them.." Guess it's like taking the high road.
I know it's not funny but sounds like we ALL have an "ex" story to share. My Ex didn't ever hit me but he his words did just as much damage. Verbal abuse can be just as damaging. 14 years later I'm still dealing with it.
I know it's not funny but sounds like we ALL have an "ex" story to share. My Ex didn't ever hit me but he his words did just as much damage. Verbal abuse can be just as damaging. 14 years later I'm still dealing with it.
handy
Member
Orion said:
If you can, have you?
You don't need to share the answer of that question with me (not my business), but considering how you phrased your 'example' in your first post, you might want to consider it.
Are we supposed to forgive someone if they haven't asked for forgiveness? Frankly, I can't think of any particular biblical passage to that question. Texts specifically telling us that we must forgive others if they haven't asked forgiveness. Perhaps someone else can.
However, there is one excellent example of this principle.
On the cross, Jesus asked the Father to forgive those who were crucifying Him and mocking Him. And they certainly weren't asking for His forgiveness. And you certainly hadn't asked Him for His forgiveness before He submitted to death for you.
If He is our example, and He is, then I would say the answer is yes.
I don't believe that it would make any difference if there were 100 commandments telling us we HAVE to forgive others. Forgivness involves a change of heart, and that is something that can only be done as we yield to the Spirit. A commandment can be followed whether we want to or not. I can not steal, even if I want that Ipod. I can not tell a lie, even if I really want to escape some trouble.
But, forgiveness is different. It comes totally from the heart. It's not anything that you can give lip service to. You either have forgiven someone or you haven't regardless of what you might say.
destiny
Member
Orion, I believe when you hold unforgivness you are giving that person power over you along with the ability to keep you from moving on with your life.
When ou release them through forgivness you are setting you own self free, because ultimately bitterness only hurts and binds up the person who refuses to release it.
When ou release them through forgivness you are setting you own self free, because ultimately bitterness only hurts and binds up the person who refuses to release it.
S
Solo
Guest
After you pour sugar in their gas tank, light their cat on fire, smear grease on the brake rotors of their car, spit in their coffee, and feel better about being ahead in the feud, then you can forgive them without them asking!!! 8-)
Sounds stupid, huh!
Then forgive.
:
Sounds stupid, huh!
Then forgive.
:Is your question "must" or "should." I think for "must" that no one says you have to . I don't know of any Christians that see it as a sin, though that may see forgiving as more of a blessing. So I don't think you must.Orion said:
However, on the "should" I think Christians would say you should to follow the example of Jesus. On the non-religious side, I think it is healthier to forgive. It takes a lot of energy and stress to stay mad at someone. I don't think it does you any good.
However, I don't think that forgive and forget is wise either. Trust and respect are very different.
I know this is not about you and your ex-wife. However, if you ever get to the point where you can be comfortabelw ith her in the same room, I think you will know some peace inside yourself.
handy
Member
Quath said:
This is true. While I truly forgave the abuser, if it were possible that he would ever be around my kids....no way. His sin no longer effects my life and I'm truly, truly hopeful that he worked this out with God when he was able. But, one doesn't let a pedophile around kids, no matter how much forgiveness has taken place, in this life.
This is especially true of those who don't ask forgiveness. Forgive them yes, but don't blindly allow the opportunity for sin to enter in again.
