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Desire to be a vessel of honor unto the Lord Jesus Christ?
Join Hidden in Him and For His Glory for discussions on how
https://christianforums.net/threads/become-a-vessel-of-honor-part-2.112306/
Any atheist jokes?
- Thread starter jay55
- Start date
J
jahjahwarrior
Guest
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created.
"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the cause was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don''''t exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice.
The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."
"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the cause was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don''''t exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice.
The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."
Paul1965
Member
- Oct 27, 2012
- 1,120
- 88
There was a Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist. Everyday, when the lady prayed, the atheist guy could hear her. He thought to himself, "She sure is crazy, praying all the time like that. Doesn't she know there isn't a God?"
Many times while she was praying, he would go to her house and harass her, saying "Lady, why do you pray all the time? Don't you know there is no God?" But she kept on praying.
One day, she ran out of groceries. As usual, she was praying to the Lord explaining her situation and thanking Him for what He was gonna do.
AS USUAL, the atheist heard her praying and thought to himself. "Hmph . . .I'll fix her."
He went to the grocery store, bought a whole bunch of groceries, took them to her house, dropped them off on the front porch, rang the door bell and then hid in the bushes to see what she would do. When she opened the door and saw the groceries, she began to praise the Lord with all her heart, jumping, singing and shoutin' everywhere!
The atheist then jumped out of the bushes and told her, "You ol'crazy lady, God didn't buy you those groceries, I bought those groceries!"
Well, she broke out and started running down the street, shouting and praising the Lord. When he finally caught her, he asked what her problem was . . .
She said, "I knew the Lord would provide me with some groceries, but I didn't know he was gonna make the devil pay for them!"
Many times while she was praying, he would go to her house and harass her, saying "Lady, why do you pray all the time? Don't you know there is no God?" But she kept on praying.
One day, she ran out of groceries. As usual, she was praying to the Lord explaining her situation and thanking Him for what He was gonna do.
AS USUAL, the atheist heard her praying and thought to himself. "Hmph . . .I'll fix her."
He went to the grocery store, bought a whole bunch of groceries, took them to her house, dropped them off on the front porch, rang the door bell and then hid in the bushes to see what she would do. When she opened the door and saw the groceries, she began to praise the Lord with all her heart, jumping, singing and shoutin' everywhere!
The atheist then jumped out of the bushes and told her, "You ol'crazy lady, God didn't buy you those groceries, I bought those groceries!"
Well, she broke out and started running down the street, shouting and praising the Lord. When he finally caught her, he asked what her problem was . . .
She said, "I knew the Lord would provide me with some groceries, but I didn't know he was gonna make the devil pay for them!"
You are too funny.....
Paul1965
Member
- Oct 27, 2012
- 1,120
- 88
Dan, I think it sometimes boils down to the fact that, because they can't understand faith in Him, they take their frustration caused by the lack of understanding and turn it into a spiteful weapon against those of us who know the TRUTHIm still wondering why some people try to prove something wrong that they do not believe in.
Hey, i do not believe in this, so i will try prove it wrong.
Why would someone want to prove something wrong they dont believe in?.
Paul1965
Member
- Oct 27, 2012
- 1,120
- 88
I agree Dan, it has always been mans misinterpretation or worse, misrepresentation of scripture that has caused the mockers to have a field day.
Unfortunately when a non-twister of truth tries to clarify a point and defend the faith, we a pre-judged as radical nut jobs a lot of the time. (Okay, I'll wear that title proudly...won't change my mind though)
I also agree that if i'm not knowledgeable or in something, it's not my place to criticize it.
Unfortunately when a non-twister of truth tries to clarify a point and defend the faith, we a pre-judged as radical nut jobs a lot of the time. (Okay, I'll wear that title proudly...won't change my mind though)
I also agree that if i'm not knowledgeable or in something, it's not my place to criticize it.
Which makes me think they do believe in it they just choose not to follow Christ.Im still wondering why some people try to prove something wrong that they do not believe in.
Hey, i do not believe in this, so i will try prove it wrong.
Why would someone want to prove something wrong they dont believe in?.
Paul1965
Member
- Oct 27, 2012
- 1,120
- 88
That's actually a good point Kathi..I never thought of it from that angle. They believe but try to disprove His being to fight for the dark one...now there is a bee in my bonnet..a very large hornet actually
A
agua.
Guest
Everyone needs something to believe in.
A
agua.
Guest
One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.
The scientist walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost."
God listened very patiently and kindly to the man and after the scientist was done talking, God said, "Very well, how about this, let's say we have a man making contest." To which the scientist replied, "OK, great!"
But God added, "Now, we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam."
The scientist said, "Sure, no problem" and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.
God just looked at him and said, "No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!"
http://www.getyourowndirt.com/
The scientist walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost."
God listened very patiently and kindly to the man and after the scientist was done talking, God said, "Very well, how about this, let's say we have a man making contest." To which the scientist replied, "OK, great!"
But God added, "Now, we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam."
The scientist said, "Sure, no problem" and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.
God just looked at him and said, "No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!"
http://www.getyourowndirt.com/
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