[__ Prayer __] blessed, oppressed

[Christ_empowered]

yes, yes; me, yet again.

I'm blessed, all over. Only been in Christ for a tad over 7 years now, and I have been made: healthy, bright eyed, surprisingly normal, in good relationship with my (long suffering, kind, patient) parents. God has seen fit to show me -lots- of grace, mercy, love, compassion, even pity...

and I -am- increasingly grateful. He's not at all a problem, neither are my parents.

I'm 35, labeled as "Schizophrenic." Am I? I dunno. I mean...is anyone, really? I went along with the label(s) for a season, kinda sorta...as best I could, anyway. Why, yes..."severe mental illness..." OK. Now? Not so much. Not that I'm "antipsychiatry" (they don't have real answers, btw; at best, they'll give a sound critique of psychiatry, etc.), just...

I sense oppression. People really do taunt me, here at my (modest, but nice) complex. I just got in a bit ago, from getting gas...while i was out pumping, I heard some dude, yelling out, "where's the money coming from?," in reference to me. And...

blah blah blah. I mean, its been rough, but God has graced me thru it, even when I was still in utter and complete darkness and unrepentant misery. Again: I -love- God, I -love- my parents...I am both confused and at times...a bit frightened by what's going on around me.

Neighbors openly talk, loudly, about having me arrested or committed. I don't have a felony, I keep up with my appointments, fill my prescriptions, etc. , so I'm OK...

but it adds to a very -real- , very -definite- sense of oppression. I dunno. I think a lot of it is (yes, here it comes, yet again) about social class. I was poor, in part because of personal sins, also in part because...wow, apparently, I should have been (should be?) on a ventilator, from psych 'treatment,' mostly. awesome. moving on...

God -has- brought me a long, long way. I'm a new creation, in Christ Jesus.

and I'm despised. last night, I made a quick shopping trip to a local chain place that's allowed to run late hours, buying snacks and such...

comments, people I don't know talking about "doctor shopping" and other junk. I was wild and crazy as a -teenager- , and...and...

blah. blah. a lot of this is because i was foolish enough to enter psych 'treatment' in my late teens. happens. I thought they "helped" people, or whatever. I -do- take my prescription daily, that's not an issue, its just...

-any- doctor can prescribe my 'medication.' not addictive, no street value, no labs needed, common prescription. maybe i'll need it, indefinitely...maybe I won't. not an issue. the issue seems to be...the mental health -establishment- (counselors and psychiatrists and psychologists and..and...) vs the work of God in my life. oh, and...vs me. and my family. -not good-

please pray. thanks.

 

[Who Me]

Have you thought about moving to another part of the country where your past is not known and trying to start again?

It seems to me that a lot f your problems rise out of people who knew you before and are not willing to accept that you have changed.

 

[Christ_empowered]

'wherever you go, there you are...'

I -do- appreciate your suggestion. Ordinarily, I'd want to move, far away, asap. However...

one -major- reason I'm free and safe is because of my (loving, kind, long suffering, gracious) family. Social class plays a -big- role here. Back when this started, they were considered (quote from former 'professionals, not my own words, btw) 'rinky dink middle-class,' so there was something of a barrier, a buffer, but...not much of one. and now...

my (amazing) family is ---not--- rich, but they're affluent -enough- (upper middle class, maybe well to do?) for...more of a protective buffer. that's just thinking practically, pragmatically. if i move far enough away, the buffer won't be there...

and i'll be a chronically unemployed, outsider, 'mental patient,' and that would mean I'd be an easy target. very, very easy target.

Another issue: although I now have a squeaky clean background check, when I moved in the past, my psych junk followed me. funny how that happens...

so, I'd be an outsider, a 'mental patient,' unemployed, the stimga+records would probably magically (note the sarcasm) find my new zip code, and...

here, where I live, confinement in hospitals for the 'severely mentally ill' is something the powers that be claim to want to reduce ('the recovery model'). in practice...

well, lots and lots of people are put on more or less involuntary, long acting (I think 3 weeks to 3 months, depending on the drug in question) injections of antipsychotics/tranquilizers. some are coerced; some are forced, with the threat of police intervention and/or involuntary commitment if they refuse. me?

i'm blessed. I don't mind my antipsychotic, its OK, but one -big- deal for me is that I have the freedom to take the pill "voluntarily," in the privacy of my own home. now that its been generic for a while, it saves money and keeps me from dealing with the clinic as much, just med checks and infrequent counseling sessions.

point is...here, it is -far- from ideal, but within the context of a fallen world, what was a horrible situation, fall out from my own sins, and just...the way the mental health industry usually does business....

-sigh- in the midst of neighbors complaining about not being able to have me arrested and/or committed, acts of bullying and ridicule...

i have -real- freedom that I could easily, easily lose, elsewhere.

again, I appreciate your response, your support (here+in other posts...), and your prayers. seriously. oh, and...people have taunted me with saying "we'll find you wherever you go!," and "there's no escape, hahaha!," that sort of thing.

so, I dunno. As much as I"d like to pick up, move away, see about a real chance to have a whole new identity...

I'm kinda thinking the deck is -thoroughly- stacked against that, honestly. Oh well. At least here, I have my family.

 

[Susannah]

You sound like a wonderful person. Don't worry about what others think of you. What you think of yourself is all that matters. God loves you so much.

 

[Christ_empowered]

blah. I see now that one reason 'antipsychiatry' fails is because...

psychiatry-- although it has been a problem (for me, in particular, LOL) -- is not the core problem. the core problems? the world we live in (social, economic issues) and the problems that beset us (spiritual problems, sins, just...life...), and...and...

blah. i was a mixed up teenager looking for guidance and...i was easily destroyed. boom. then blamed for the destruction. thing about it is.....

that happens. a lot. I am blessed beyond measure in many respects...big 1 is coming to truly know Jesus. Now, I am a child of the most high God and...

-sigh- Again, Romans 8:28 . truth be told...started working class, never well-liked, never really able to support myself (long story)...

mental health, inc. is -far- from ideal, etc., but God worked it out so at least I've been spared a felony, spared prison, etc., and now my "Schizophrenia" or whatever is...

? its strange, with my parents, because I get the sense that they believe the label, to some extent, but they also see real potential and real change (thanks to Christ), already...so, God has seen fit to make good of it, already, in the context of my family relationships.

Matthew 6:33 . I kind of -assumed- that a higher power would somehow heal me, one day. true story. maybe it was all the shock 'treatments' ? I dunno. anyway, Jesus has seen fit to '...put off the old, put on the new...,' so now...

im healthy. i write surprisingly well. and..

-sigh- im labeled, and a lot of it is lies. just yesterday, some neighbors at my parents' place (I visit them often) were talking about 'felonies' and laughing, hahaha...

and, I'm getting better at dealing with it, but it is frustrating. also...eye-opening, disillusion-ing....

if it wasn't for my parents -- and im only in their good graces by THE LORD's will, btw-the hammer would come down (again). so, God -is- Good. God -is- Love.

I just get frustrated. I don't actually have a major conviction on my record, but people keep saying I do. I'm a non-entity, and I don't correct the gossipers or anything, but...wow. wow. im extra-glad I don't, now, because...wow. the cruelty, the attempts to 'tighten the screws,' etc...

not good. not good, at all. its a wicked, fallen world...i was on the broad road, like anybody else, till Jesus dealt with my heart and got me off...

so, I'm not trying to judge anybody, individually. its just..wow. wow. the world lies, and shows a front of 'tolerance' and all this other stuff, and now...

-sigh- ive been made healthy and surprisingly normal, but i'm labeled by those still on the broad road from junk from the past. oh well.

ok, i've kinda rambled, yet again, and...hey, its cinco de mayo! its a pretty day, here! i've already got some laundry done, next i'll get up (for real, this time) and set about a decent, quiet, uneventful day...

'for this is the day that THE LORD hath made. Rejoice and be glad in it.'

-not- a suggestion, it seems. praying for what I need to get there...

 

[Rollo Tamasi]

yes, yes; me, yet again.

I'm blessed, all over. Only been in Christ for a tad over 7 years now, and I have been made: healthy, bright eyed, surprisingly normal, in good relationship with my (long suffering, kind, patient) parents. God has seen fit to show me -lots- of grace, mercy, love, compassion, even pity...

and I -am- increasingly grateful. He's not at all a problem, neither are my parents.

I'm 35, labeled as "Schizophrenic." Am I? I dunno. I mean...is anyone, really? I went along with the label(s) for a season, kinda sorta...as best I could, anyway. Why, yes..."severe mental illness..." OK. Now? Not so much. Not that I'm "antipsychiatry" (they don't have real answers, btw; at best, they'll give a sound critique of psychiatry, etc.), just...

I sense oppression. People really do taunt me, here at my (modest, but nice) complex. I just got in a bit ago, from getting gas...while i was out pumping, I heard some dude, yelling out, "where's the money coming from?," in reference to me. And...

blah blah blah. I mean, its been rough, but God has graced me thru it, even when I was still in utter and complete darkness and unrepentant misery. Again: I -love- God, I -love- my parents...I am both confused and at times...a bit frightened by what's going on around me.

Neighbors openly talk, loudly, about having me arrested or committed. I don't have a felony, I keep up with my appointments, fill my prescriptions, etc. , so I'm OK...

but it adds to a very -real- , very -definite- sense of oppression. I dunno. I think a lot of it is (yes, here it comes, yet again) about social class. I was poor, in part because of personal sins, also in part because...wow, apparently, I should have been (should be?) on a ventilator, from psych 'treatment,' mostly. awesome. moving on...

God -has- brought me a long, long way. I'm a new creation, in Christ Jesus.

and I'm despised. last night, I made a quick shopping trip to a local chain place that's allowed to run late hours, buying snacks and such...

comments, people I don't know talking about "doctor shopping" and other junk. I was wild and crazy as a -teenager- , and...and...

blah. blah. a lot of this is because i was foolish enough to enter psych 'treatment' in my late teens. happens. I thought they "helped" people, or whatever. I -do- take my prescription daily, that's not an issue, its just...

-any- doctor can prescribe my 'medication.' not addictive, no street value, no labs needed, common prescription. maybe i'll need it, indefinitely...maybe I won't. not an issue. the issue seems to be...the mental health -establishment- (counselors and psychiatrists and psychologists and..and...) vs the work of God in my life. oh, and...vs me. and my family. -not good-

please pray. thanks.

7 years I've known you
And you ain't better yet?
Me neither
But I sure feel a lot better these days

I got a dentist appt coming up
Then an ENT because I have seriously problem breathing
Then a urology appt
Then my once every 6 months VA primary appt in July
Plus my outside VA appt
I cutting out prescription meds and I'm feeling a lot better

God gave us a lot
Listen to this song, the words
I wouldn't kid you

 

[daninthelionsden]

blah. I see now that one reason 'antipsychiatry' fails is because...

psychiatry-- although it has been a problem (for me, in particular, LOL) -- is not the core problem. the core problems? the world we live in (social, economic issues) and the problems that beset us (spiritual problems, sins, just...life...), and...and...

blah. i was a mixed up teenager looking for guidance and...i was easily destroyed. boom. then blamed for the destruction. thing about it is.....

that happens. a lot. I am blessed beyond measure in many respects...big 1 is coming to truly know Jesus. Now, I am a child of the most high God and...

-sigh- Again, Romans 8:28 . truth be told...started working class, never well-liked, never really able to support myself (long story)...

mental health, inc. is -far- from ideal, etc., but God worked it out so at least I've been spared a felony, spared prison, etc., and now my "Schizophrenia" or whatever is...

? its strange, with my parents, because I get the sense that they believe the label, to some extent, but they also see real potential and real change (thanks to Christ), already...so, God has seen fit to make good of it, already, in the context of my family relationships.

Matthew 6:33 . I kind of -assumed- that a higher power would somehow heal me, one day. true story. maybe it was all the shock 'treatments' ? I dunno. anyway, Jesus has seen fit to '...put off the old, put on the new...,' so now...

im healthy. i write surprisingly well. and..

-sigh- im labeled, and a lot of it is lies. just yesterday, some neighbors at my parents' place (I visit them often) were talking about 'felonies' and laughing, hahaha...

and, I'm getting better at dealing with it, but it is frustrating. also...eye-opening, disillusion-ing....

if it wasn't for my parents -- and im only in their good graces by THE LORD's will, btw-the hammer would come down (again). so, God -is- Good. God -is- Love.

I just get frustrated. I don't actually have a major conviction on my record, but people keep saying I do. I'm a non-entity, and I don't correct the gossipers or anything, but...wow. wow. im extra-glad I don't, now, because...wow. the cruelty, the attempts to 'tighten the screws,' etc...

not good. not good, at all. its a wicked, fallen world...i was on the broad road, like anybody else, till Jesus dealt with my heart and got me off...

so, I'm not trying to judge anybody, individually. its just..wow. wow. the world lies, and shows a front of 'tolerance' and all this other stuff, and now...

-sigh- ive been made healthy and surprisingly normal, but i'm labeled by those still on the broad road from junk from the past. oh well.

ok, i've kinda rambled, yet again, and...hey, its cinco de mayo! its a pretty day, here! i've already got some laundry done, next i'll get up (for real, this time) and set about a decent, quiet, uneventful day...

'for this is the day that THE LORD hath made. Rejoice and be glad in it.'

-not- a suggestion, it seems. praying for what I need to get there...

Yeah, moving would probably only work out for the better if your family could join you on some acreage. Otherwise, you'd be alone and vulnerable to evil whims of others. We found staying in Texas to be getting more dangerous and had to evacuate. If you saw the banner on our house you could see the extreme measures I felt I had to take to back them off. I had to post even more videos on our son's first gaming channel on youtube under the handle of woodemmike. Even moving halfway around the world, they found us again. Things are better but it has scarred our son emotionally. He had to buy a $400 body camera to back off his supervisor. We HAD to move. If you don't have to move then you don't wanna risk jumping outta the frying pan and into the fire. Praying for you to persevere and that patience,wisdom, discernment be your gifts to hold you through this.