[__ Prayer __] brushin off the bullies, blessings, low status

[Christ_empowered]

It occurs to me that "people like me" are usually homeless, in jail/prison, state mental hospitals (maybe...). I think I'm catching a lot of flak because God's work in my life goes against worldly sensibilities.

 

[AirDancer]

Some of the 'flak' could easily be because of the brilliant work our Lord has been and continues to do in your life.

Some of the 'flak' could also easily be due to the divide-and-conquer PC mentality in existence today. Some wrote you off during your dark decade; therefore, you should not have risen like a Phoenix from the ashes to become the young man you are today.

Those nay sayers are unhappy people who cannot abide by anyone else's success & happiness.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Yeah...I just gotta brush people off better. It dawned on me, during prayer, that the world never had a whole lot for me. I was a too smart for my own good, queer kid from a nice enough family. What I didn't throw away was taken from me at a young age, as has happens to many people.

Now..its strange...I have the raw material to do more than I did before. In terms of intelligence, its like...I was smart enough, but I couldn't apply my intelligence and I didn't write as well as I do now, I didn't have as much insight...nothing like being oafish and without intelligence for about 10-11 years to teach you to appreciate and apply it once it returns, lol

I write well, I do well in school, I have my people behind me, I've learned to live on relatively little. I mean, I don't live in poverty, thanks to my people, but...I don't require a whole lot, you know? So, its strange...I have the raw material to "matter" more to the world, but I'm much less interested. I think I wanna finish my 4 year in History and maybe, maybe get something after that, but...we'll see. One step at a time.

These people around me, most people, are on the broad road. I was, until I was called out of all that (praise God!). I can't really judge them too harshly, but...I can't listen to them, much less live through what they're saying (sometimes very loudly, lol). Like I wrote above, the world never had a whole lot for me except for condemnation, exploitation, ridicule and eventually destruction. Now, I'm working on being "in the world, but not of it," so...yeah. Somehow, I'm going to have to use my raw material to glorify God, find a j-o-b I can do "as unto The Lord," etc.

 

[AirDancer]

The cacophony of those who say negative comments against you are designed to attack. Turn that din into praise that our Lord loves you!

Have you given further thought to writing a book based on interviews of others, as was discussed earlier in the thread? This is something you could be working on in free time while attending Liberty. You might have a finished book, ready for publication, by the time you've finished the bachelor degree.

 

[Christ_empowered]

That's an awesome idea....I have given it a bit of thought. I'm wondering if I should look locally, or try networking online. Lots of mentally ill people would love to tell their/our stories, and we're online, so...

thanks for the idea.

 

[AirDancer]

You'd have to get written permission to include their stories in your writings, even if you plan to give each person a different name in the book. That protects you in the event someone falsely claims you've written about them. (That kind of thing does happen, unfortunately.)

https://search.yahoo.com/yhs/search?p=legal+forms+online&ei=UTF-8&hspart=mozilla&hsimp=yhs-001

As you're writing, if you need help with editing, don't hesitate to ask

 

[Christ_empowered]

awesome!

 

[AirDancer]

 

[Christ_empowered]

on a happy side note...I'm fast approaching 10 years since a massive OD that landed me in a private, for profit mental hospital (at great cost to my insurance company and parents). I don't know what all they did to me, but it involved heavy electroshock, which I didn't find out about until a couple years later (I had a brain scan for something else...).

Anyway, I was never supposed to recover from what they did to me. My ex-shrink at that hospital--a really macho, misogynistic, worldly dude--said "it would take a miracle" for me to recover. Well, lo and behold...

...nearly 10 years later, I'm: not addicted to drugs, not "severely narcissistic" (I often question just how "severely narcissistic" a troubled 20 year old could be), and I seem to have recovered from the trauma and everything else.

I mention this because it finally dawned on me that I was *never* supposed to recover. Not from either round of involuntary electroshock (one at 20, another at 23), not from the OD, not from anything. And my parents were never supposed to forgive me. I've recovered and my parents have forgiven me, by the grace of God.

Anyway, also it dawns on me that my recovery makes people--apparently, men in particular--around here angry. I'm hoping and praying that I was just a convenient target and that they'll move on to someone else (I pray for the next person, trust me).

 

[AirDancer]

I wonder how your ex-shrink views your recovery today? A miracle? Indeed, yes!

As for being deemed 'severely narcissistic' .... you were in good company at that age. Many 20 year olds still believe that everything is all about them. (For that matter, many older people have yet to learn it isn't all about them!)

You've come a long way already, my friend, and our Lord continues to abide with you

 

[Christ_empowered]

So, yeah...things continue. I keep on keepin' on, the people around me keep griping and complaining. I've noticed something...when people thought I was going to a state mental hospital or prison (long story...I now have a serious misdemeanor), they'd criticize everything about me, really loudly. Who colors his hair? Why does he get chemical peels? Why'd he gain so much weight? How many cigarettes does he smoke? Who paid for those shoes? So on and so forth. (Oh, btw--no hair dye, no chemical peels, and I'm trying to quit smoking. And my people buy me nice shoes, lol).

Now, part of God's work in my life has been to protect me from those who wish me harm and also wish to control me (with an eye to harming me, of course). Basically, I've been freed from a lot of bondage I've been made to live in all these years.

So now, the neighbors make dismissive remarks, but they can't control me. I heard one of my neighbors yesterday talking about "calling the law" (hey, its the south), but I don't know what her deal was. Like I've written before, men are more vocal about their disdain for me around here, but women have been plenty vocal, too, especially since I got saved.

I don't know what's going on. People were screaming about "warrants" and such, but then they'd scream out "they could serve that warrant if they wanted to" and "they'd serve the warrant if it wasn't for your family." I'm thinking...what warrant?

Its small, southern town nonsense, but it happens, in a different form, everywhere. People who are low on the totem pole are "dealt with," one way or another. I'm blessed in so many ways...I actually have some space to grow in faith and just...be.

Space. That's one thing that's lacking when you're poor and low on the totem pole. People would come into my yard, throw things at my little apt. over a garage, steal my mail, yell stuff out loud enough for me to hear...because low status people don't get space, you know?

Even here, at my parents' rather nice house w/ a relatively big yard (for this part of town), I had problems. Some dude went outside my bedroom window (I sleep downstairs) and said in a low, growling voice "He has 6 months to live." That was over a year ago. More recently, some dude was outside my window saying "He's got warrants on him." Creepy. Low status=no space. Sometimes, when I was out on the front porch smoking a cigarette, the neighbors would scream stuff out about me, criticizing my ever move and everything about me. Rough stuff, trust me.

Blah blah blah...its rough, sometimes, being here and all. But Christ has been good to me in every way imaginable! I think I'm just waking up from a long nightmare, you know?