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[__ Prayer __] Completely Played and Hurting...

B

beksta777

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Hi all,

I hope I'm posting in the right section...

I have not long ago come out of a relationship that has left me completely brokenhearted...I found this man online, and despite me having no romantic intentions (I have been hurt SO many times before by men), he managed to gain my trust, and my love. We were together for 8 months, and unlike any other man, he was able to get me to take down all my barriers of self-protection. It was a long-distance relationship, yet intense...and I was going to be moving to be closer to him, and he would tell me that he was gonna marry me and have kids with me etc...he told me all the time how much he loved me, that he wanted nobody else. Early-on, the first few months, I regularly tested him on his faith, not wanting to be with someone lukewarm like my previous ex, but someone who could truly share my faith. He always came-up smelling like roses. I thought this was the perfect man for me, an answer to prayer - and I gave him my heart more fully than I ever had another human being, including telling him of my past with men (some of which is just plain horrible, the kinda stuff you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy), and I thought, finally, someone who understands and cares, and capable of loving me.

About 5 weeks ago, we spoke for about an hour on the phone before he went to bed (as was habit with us), and he was still all I-Love-You, then the next morning, I get a text "I'm such an f up, just cut n run, bye"...I was in shock, I tried calling but he wouldn't answer his phone, despite me calling as soon as I got the text. So I texted back, and we texted a few times, and he just kept saying stuff like "u deserve better, bye." I tried calling a couple more times, and he'd either not answer, or he'd answer and either (1) hang straight up, or (2) say "just go" and hang-up on me. He was always SO keen to talk to me before, like, times he'd call or text and for whatever reason I couldn't answer, he'd call all frantic and upset cos he'd say he was worried I'd dump him and he'd never get over me...But yes, it ended like that. From constant contact and "love" to just "bye"...

Two days later I find out from someone else that he's just replaced me with someone else. That this supposed Christian is not actually divorced yet, that he has, even whilst we were together, engaged in one-night stands (telling these women that it'd be more - i.e. dating them til he beds them, then dumps them), flirting/getting very dirty with numerous women online, and was seeing this new woman before he even dumped me. It turns out that this is a pattern of his too. He has done it before.

I know that I should be happy that God has delivered me from this guy, and for that I am glad...but he has my heart...well, the pretend-guy does, the guy that doesn't really exist. I have prayed so many times for God to heal my heart, and reclaim those pieces for Himself, but it's just not happening. I am trying to forgive this man, but it is so hard to do when I am constantly crying - there is no distraction to cover my pain at the moment, it's killing me - I'm scared. I go out, and I keep thinking about how I could just wrap my car around a tree, or drive off the embankment...I just can't do this. I gave this man all of me, and it seems like it was all a game to him...I was just something to play with whilst he was bored. He was able to just switch me off, and now he's happy with this new woman, and he doesn't even care about how much he KNOWS this would have hurt me...even bragging to mutual friends on facebook how happy he is and posting pics of him and the new woman.

I don't know what to do anymore...I'm so lost and it doesn't seem like God is listening to me. I don't understand why God would allow someone like this to continue doing this kinda thing to women, why this man doesn't reap for his sowing...one of the hardest things initially to deal with, was how a CHRISTIAN could behave like this...I was created with a gentle heart, without trying to sound pious, I am a really loving and giving person by nature...I could never EVER do anything like this to anyone!

I have been faithful that God will heal me, but it's just getting worse...it's like every day my heart breaks a little more. If anyone could offer advice or prayer or whatever, I would be so appreciative...I'm at my rope's end.
 
I feel for you and I'm truly sorry you had to endure all of this. Like you said, better you find out now than after you moved or worse! Try and concentrate on being thankful to God for delivering you from this dirtbag.
 
with time and healing from the lord will heal your heart.. i would like to say more but i feel this is enough.

in my prayers, jason
 
beksta777,
What a horrible story, I'm so sorry you went through this! I can be fairly certain that this guy is not a Christian, or is so backslidden that he is NOT what a mature Christian looks like and you are so much better off without him. Broken hearts can take a LONG time to heal...trust me I know. Just because God doesn't take away the pain immediately when you ask doesn't mean that He isn't there with you or helping you. Just lean on Him, and when you cry, cry to God and cast all of your cares upon Him. You may not be able to bear it, but He can. I know it hurts, but think of how much more it would hurt had you actually married this man and even had children with him :o That is suffering to the "nth" degree, and thanks be to God that He showed you who this phony really was before you committed yourself to Him. Give your whole heart to God in the midst of your pain, and He will see you through it.
 
Dearest beksta777~

From recent personal experience~ in some ways~ I can say I understand your hearts cry~ I refuse to rehearse the details here because I also refuse to bring down the name of Jesus in any way. If you want to talk to me in a PM I welcome it.

However, I can say this, it does not matter how old you are, <I am 56> or how wise you think you are, any one can stumble into sin... "Let him who thinks he stands, take heed lest he fall." Please remember the good word from our Lord which warns: "Guard your heart with all diligence." I intend to~ please be armed by Christ' love and continue to STAND. :pray

As far as this man's recompense? God is just. The bible says: "Be sure your sin will find you out. God is Holy. >But child of God, do not look to that, revenge is an evil~ greater than any pain! That way leads to death. :o

~Will you recieve your hearts desire to marry?

None of us knows what is best for you, but God certainly does. He has a way of working things out. I am sure God is going to take care of this area of your life. I just don't know how or when, but I know you can trust Him. He is enough, but keep crying out in your loneliness... He will answer and He will lead you. It is as certain as His word. :salute A sweet sister of mine has given me this solid word of comfort <when I asked her the same question> and it has helped me immeasurably. She said~ "Do not marry a guy unless you are impressed with his Christianity." :D

I know I get by in this Christian life because of my loving sisters in the Lord who are such an encouragement to me, I pray you will surround yourself with the women God provides you. :thumb

Now this is a good reminder again for me ~ and the Lord actually has most recently brought me closer into the fellowship, going to home-fellowships, and spending extra time with my sisters and family, as well as being in church more often. Right now is the best season for pushing ahead~ forgetting the things that lie behind us~ The holidays... can help us to be thankful and mindful of the incarnation. There is MUCH ahead of you dearest sister... MUCH! Remember He has a purpose for your life~ and it will surely be good. :nod

On the matter of your precious broken heart~ I would suggest that you give the Lord all that is in your heart for this man. Commit your heart to the Lord every time it aches... It can be a great comfort if we are not "fighting" our own heart. Again the word says: "If our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart." I know I can trust God with everything that is in my heart, even the things I will never speak of openly. He weighs and tests the heart and we need Him to~ because we are not very good at figuring out things for ourselves. :shrug We really ARE only sheep. But you and I need to learn how to be as wise as serpents too! :chin

May Christ Jesus bless and keep you within His tender embrace. ~ sheshisown~ :shades
 
beksta777

Hi I wanted to let you know that I prayed for you before I even thought about answering your post. I went through the same thing about 7 months ago and I know the hurt. I also thought I had met the woman I was going to have kids with, its painful but use this time to improve yourself and achieve greatness thats the best way to forget the past. I let God heal me, Ive been going to church more and seeking him more.

I believe keeping my mind occupied has eased the pain. Im not mad anymore I still have memories but they occur less and less. I deleted my fb ever since that happened I believe fb is not a good idea atleast for me. I dont want to meet the woman of my dreams and have fb affect our marriage, it can become a bit addictive and I want my wife to have my full attention.

I was listening to this song on youtube its called "more" by matthew west - it says "I love you more than the sun and the stars ... more than you can imagine". It was about 5months after my break up when I heard the song and I got sad and upset with God and said to him if you love me so much why dont you give me what my heart wants and take away this pain. You know what :) he does love you more than you can imagine and eventhough you may feel sad now he does have the man of your dreams but you dont need to worry he will bring him to you when the time is right, you dont need to go looking thats Gods task.

If he takes out the time to match birds with each other so they can start a family how much more do you think bringing your partner matters to him. If he started this (your life) he will not leave it half way or forget about you trust him. Take this time to be with loved ones God, family friends etc.

Be happy - You Rock !!!
 
Thank you all so much for your kind words of encouragement - I know that the Lord is my only refuge in such a time, and it helps me so much to know that there are indeed true-hearted Christians out there...I had become so despondent and mistrusting of those of my own faith due to this man, whom I tested so many times in attempting to assess his faith (I want a man who I know is God-seeking), but yeah, couldn't even believe that a christian could do this to so many women, and not feel guilty about it :S

But again, I thank you all from the heart...I will look to Him, the master healer :)

sending much love, and many blessings to you all!
 
beksta777~

Trust the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, but in ALL your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path. Proverbs 3:5-6 :yes

I know~ trusting Him is your work now, it is mine too~ and walking in faith~ expecting that He will heal your heart, and teach you to trust mankind in the manner in which He directs alone. He will daily guide you~ as you seek His word of truth. As you lean on it, by a wonderful work of your Heavenly Father, His word will someday set you free from the tyranny of disobediance and fear. :nod

We know that God commands things that are only good things. But to this~ we add something basically good when we human beings with our reason and our choices decide to obey our Creator. Because in whatever He commands us to obey (whether we understand or not what we are commanded to do) it is essentially good. It is something we should do even if God had never commanded it. :chin

But also in simply choosing to obey and acting on it, we consciously function in our role as humans, just as He created us to be. . . Which REVERSES the act through which we fell into sin, and in a sense treads Adam and Eves dance backwards! :D

Only He may reverse this curse~ dance the dance of obediance with Him... :heart

~sheshisown~ :shades
 
Everyone deserves better than someone like him. Perhaps this constant praying about it is making you dwell on it and hampering your moving on. Have you read much about tough breakups? There is plenty of good advice all over the internet.
 
Sorry~ AsktheA~

However~ you speak of what you do not know. As a professed Atheist you make that very clear. Remembering this is a Christain Forum... and you are posting in the thread where Christians come for prayer ~ your words scoff at God's. :shame

*Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;

*But his delight is in the law of the LORD, And in His law he meditates day and night.

*He shall be like a tree Planted by the rivers of water, That brings forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also shall not wither; And whatever he does shall prosper. Psalm 1:1-3

To take your advice to go to the world for counsel ~ is exactly what a Christian is commanded not to do. :o

No self-help from the world can truly heal a person. The Christain's relationship with God Almighty is always a wonderful healer and is always accessible through intimate fellowship in prayer. With "godly" advice from the Lord's Word, and from His children... God is victorious over the world's "wisdom" every time! :thumb

sheshisown~
 
From very early on, after it happened, I knew inwardly that the only way I was ever going to get over it, to heal, was to completely immerse myself in God, to give Him all the things that I had given this man...He has begun :)
 
:waving
Hi Beksta777~

We have such a constantly loving God~ Who loves us as deeply and wonderfully today~ as He did when we first met Him! His love never fades, or grows old, or changes! He is our ONLY constant!

I praise Him for the work of complete restoration He is doing in you~ and in me, my sweet sister! :thumb :D

sheshisown~
 
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