DADD

[Ryan]

Dad's Against Dating Daughters unite!!!

My recently turned 13 year old daughter is becoming boy stupid. We just watched the movie Courageous the other night, and how one of the father's handled the wanna be gangsta boy who wanted to court his daughter was right on. But this has made me think...

Back in the bible, Abraham sent his servant to get a bride, Rebekah, for Isaac. We know the rest of the story. I really, really believe arranged marriages are where it's at. Speaking from my own experience, it takes a really strong, mature, grounded person (qualities I never had) nowadays to be pragmatic about the spouse they are choosing, and using more then just their "feelings of love" to guide them. I can't tell you how many times I heard, "If I only knew then what I know now." That speaks volumes to me, as who did Abraham send out? Genesis 24:2 it was the oldest of the servants and probably the wisest. Could that of been any coincidence? I think not.

I believe dating just sets us up for divorce. It conditions us to get close and intimate with someone (sometimes), and then call it off when it doesn't work.

I really doubt though my daughters will allow me to arrange their marriage and have me pick their life spouse, but if they do, I am building up a dowry trust fund comprising of falafels and Camaro's just in case. No wait, that is for my son.

What do you think? If you could pick your daughter's spouse, would you?

 

[jasoncran]

uhm. arranges marriages were a custom in Chaldean and the related cultures., jews no LONGER do this. the problem with that is while the bible does show that at times it worked. but also it show that it was a horrible practice. remember micah the wife promised by saul to david whom was given to another and david made her his wife again? yet her husband loved her and could do nothing so he followed her to the palace weeping. they must have loved each other. she was also shown to be bitter over david''s worship of the lord but I do think that this forced marriage to him led to that. cant say for sure.

 

[reba]

What do you think? If you could pick your daughter's spouse, would you?

Not in todays world... IF he cheats its YOUR fault...If he beats it is YOUR... IF he spends all the money on himself it is YOUR fault....get the idea ?

 

[Claudya]

You gonna pick your son's wife as well? Because arranged marriage would work both ways, so if you wanna live in that kind of world somebody needs to arrange marriages for their sons.

And the romantic falling in love stuff is something that God has put into our biology for a reason. The physical and emotional attraction two lovers experience during their first months can form a strong bond between them that may last a lifetime. And our decisions in life are much more based on our emotions than on rational thinking. Emotions will glue two people together much better than being matched well. It's only a question of how you keep those emotions alive for so many years.

Also, making mistakes, even (especially!) the real painfull ones, is an important part of live and only through those we become wise and strong humans. I'd be terribly mad at my parents if they'd stolen those experiences from me by arranging things for me.

 

[jasoncran]

I will say this, most married people do, the fear of the LORD or the fact of divorce hardship will often force us to work hard at marriage. one cant base a marriage on lust and expect it to last. that is what first attracts us to the other. I used to disagree with that but its the TRUTH. when we get old that ole body we have will not be attractive to the other. it must be based on something else and trials and growth from then will be the things that make us or break us in a marriage.

 

[Ryan]

Sheesh, when I say an arranged marriage did most people know that the bride and groom at any time had the right to say no?

And no, I can say with one hundred percent certainty my children will not have arranged marriages. But I will be far more involved then most other parents, including my own. That's the plan anyways. I was just thinking out loud that if we lived in different time and place...well, we don't so what does it matter?

I am still starting up a DADD until they are 30 organization.

 

[jasoncran]

uhm, the arranges marriages of the Hebrews weren't of such they could refuse.

one had to pay a dowry to the father for his daughter. that meant her had to allow the marriage. they couldn't just marry anyone without the dads approval. I believe it was 50 shekels.

 

[Ryan]

Well I think Abraham's instructions to his servant telling him not to take a women from Canaan speaks that we are not to marry outside of the family, or faith. Be not yoked with unbelievers. It takes a very mature, grounded, young believer to recognize that. But sometimes the parent's wisdom is necessary to support a good decision, or question a bad one. IMHO.

 

[reba]

This is a Christian forum. As Christian fornication and adultery are not acceptable practices. Please remember where you are

Section 2: Specific Rules and Guidelines (the 'meat' of the ToS)

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[handy]

The topic of this thread is whether or not arranged marriages might be more successful than marriages based upon love and how much should a parent be involved in the selection of a mate for their children.

The topic is not meant to promote fornication or adultery or any other practice that is contrary to Christianity as articulated by the historic creeds, as understood by Evangelicalism, and as interpreted by the christianforums.net Leadership's sole discretion.

Now...totopic

 

[jasoncran]

Well I think Abraham's instructions to his servant telling him not to take a women from Canaan speaks that we are not to marry outside of the family, or faith. Be not yoked with unbelievers. It takes a very mature, grounded, young believer to recognize that. But sometimes the parent's wisdom is necessary to support a good decision, or question a bad one. IMHO.

I understand but, it can be so carried away. I mean a catholic parent will not often like a catholic marrying a protestant.

 

[Ryan]

Well I think Abraham's instructions to his servant telling him not to take a women from Canaan speaks that we are not to marry outside of the family, or faith. Be not yoked with unbelievers. It takes a very mature, grounded, young believer to recognize that. But sometimes the parent's wisdom is necessary to support a good decision, or question a bad one. IMHO.

I understand but, it can be so carried away. I mean a catholic parent will not often like a catholic marrying a protestant.

Probably not.

 

[JLB]

Not in todays world... IF he cheats its YOUR fault...If he beats it is YOUR... IF he spends all the money on himself it is YOUR fault....get the idea ?

You gonna pick your son's wife as well? Because arranged marriage would work both ways, so if you wanna live in that kind of world somebody needs to arrange marriages for their sons. And the romantic falling in love stuff is something that God has put into our biology for a reason. The physical and emotional attraction two lovers experience during their first months can form a strong bond between them that may last a lifetime. And our decisions in life are much more based on our emotions than on rational thinking. Emotions will glue two people together much better than being matched well. It's only a question of how you keep those emotions alive for so many years. Also, making mistakes, even (especially!) the real painfull ones, is an important part of live and only through those we become wise and strong humans. I'd be terribly mad at my parents if they'd stolen those experiences from me by arranging things for me.

I think the balance of what you guys are saying and what Ryan is saying is:

Be involved as much as possible and pray for wisdom to help "guide" the process.

One thing for Ryan to pray over his daughter is what God spoke in the Garden -

... Your desire shall be for your husband,

Pray that her desire is only for "her husband", the one that God has for her.

That God would "close the door" to any that are not.


JLB

 

[reba]

JLB

 

[Ryan]

Not in todays world... IF he cheats its YOUR fault...If he beats it is YOUR... IF he spends all the money on himself it is YOUR fault....get the idea ?

You gonna pick your son's wife as well? Because arranged marriage would work both ways, so if you wanna live in that kind of world somebody needs to arrange marriages for their sons. And the romantic falling in love stuff is something that God has put into our biology for a reason. The physical and emotional attraction two lovers experience during their first months can form a strong bond between them that may last a lifetime. And our decisions in life are much more based on our emotions than on rational thinking. Emotions will glue two people together much better than being matched well. It's only a question of how you keep those emotions alive for so many years. Also, making mistakes, even (especially!) the real painfull ones, is an important part of live and only through those we become wise and strong humans. I'd be terribly mad at my parents if they'd stolen those experiences from me by arranging things for me.

I think the balance of what you guys are saying and what Ryan is saying is:

Be involved as much as possible and pray for wisdom to help "guide" the process.

One thing for Ryan to pray over his daughter is what God spoke in the Garden -

... Your desire shall be for your husband,

Pray that her desire is only for "her husband", the one that God has for her.

That God would "close the door" to any that are not.


JLB

Very well said.