Divided love/attention

[Classik]

God ordained marriage. The beauty of every marriage is fertility - or at least the presence of children. Children are a blessing from God.
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Some couples are kind of anxious or even scared to have children. They kind of don't want a divided attention or love, and claim the presence of children could make a couple not give full attention or love to a husband or to a wife
***
1. My son is my wife's priority
2 My son is my husband's priority
3 Our 'private' time is affected
The summary of the whole thing is: My husband/wife choses our child over me or i don't get full attention.

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:help

How can you help this family who is under the fear of having babies, or who keep blaming each other that a partner feels less concerned about the other, but is more attentive to the child.
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The gift of God maketh rich....no sorrow follows it.

 

[Adullam]

God ordained marriage. The beauty of every marriage is fertility - or at least the presence of children. Children are a blessing from God.
--
Some couples are kind of anxious or even scared to have children. They kind of don't want a divided attention or love, and claim the presence of children could make a couple not give full attention or love to a husband or to a wife
***
1. My son is my wife's priority
2 My son is my husband's priority
3 Our 'private' time is affected
The summary of the whole thing is: My husband/wife choses our child over me or i don't get full attention.

---
:help

How can you help this family who is under the fear of having babies, or who keep blaming each other that a partner feels less concerned about the other, but is more attentive to the child.
---
The gift of God maketh rich....no sorrow follows it.

Mal 2:14 Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.
Mal 2:15 And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.

God desires godly offspring! Christians should have large families wherever possible!!!

 

[Classik]

Mal 2:14 Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.
Mal 2:15 And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.

God desires godly offspring! Christians should have large families wherever possible!!!

Thanks!
My grandfather had half a dozen children and they lived happily
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Honestly, families are having problems with this issue. E.g.
A husband says, I need just one, and the wife says, lets 'manage' three or four

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Having raised 4 kids, I honestly think it's entirely the decision of the couple as to how many children they want to have and are willing to take care of physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The potential parents are ultimately the best one's to know how equipped they themselves really are to take care of kids. I don't believe coercing people to have kids out of religious obligation will ensure they will accept a spouse's divided attention.

I told my wife I wanted to have 5 kids when we got married. The reality of raising them made me reconsider and stop at the four wonderful kids I now have. I know my limitations...limitations that grow with age.

 

[handy]

When we were getting to know our pastor and talking about joining the church, I was surprised that our pastor would refuse to marry any couple who have decided that kids would never be a part of the picture. Even if fertility issues were present, the couple should be at least willing to adopt. He felt that it is God's imperative for marriage that children should be produced and any couple refusing to have children aren't marrying for godly reasons.

I still am not sure if I quite agree with him. I see his point...and it has merit. But, I still think that marriage can have benefits besides just the "be fruitful and multiply".

By and large though...my thoughts on marriage and what I'd like to see my kids do...marry young and have lots of babies!

 

[Jethro Bodine]

All I would say is people who marry should understand and accept the responsibilities of sexual activity. Which is getter harder and harder to do in our modern societies where the potential of having kids has been virtually removed from the decision to have sex. Because of modern birth control we have forgotten that one's sex drive is the reproductive impulse God built into all living creatures. I would counsel all young people to remember that the next time that urge rises up in them. It's a beautiful and wonderful thing (in the bonds of marriage), but it clearly has a reproductive purpose that MUST be considered before entertaining it.

 

[Classik]

When we were getting to know our pastor and talking about joining the church, I was surprised that our pastor would refuse to marry any couple who have decided that kids would never be a part of the picture. Even if fertility issues were present, the couple should be at least willing to adopt. He felt that it is God's imperative for marriage that children should be produced and any couple refusing to have children aren't marrying for godly reasons.

I still am not sure if I quite agree with him. I see his point...and it has merit. But, I still think that marriage can have benefits besides just the "be fruitful and multiply".

By and large though...my thoughts on marriage and what I'd like to see my kids do...marry young and have lots of babies!

Very funny!!!
It's just like buying pizza and not eating it - a hungry stomach must eat pizza. Swallow it even if the appetite is not there.
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Are there couples today who agreed never to have children? :dunno

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Are there couples today who agreed never to have children? :dunno

I knew a woman who said her decision to not have children was not selfish at all. It was made out of concern for the children that she felt would not benefit from her decision to have them. Kind of hard to argue with...and only God knows if that was truly her motivation for not having children and not just window dressing for a selfish desire to have sex without the consequences and responsibilities that come with it.

 

[for_his_glory]

I guess I'm from the old school that you fell in love, got married and had children, but only two out of three happened for my husband and me as we could never have children nor the resources to adopt. There are various reasons why couples do not want to have children, but if they are letting divided love or attention be their excuse are they truly secure in their love for each other with the possibility of a child to become a jealous distraction in their own love.

 

[Mike]

I guess I'm from the old school that you fell in love, got married and had children, but only two out of three happened for my husband and me as we could never have children nor the resources to adopt. There are various reasons why couples do not want to have children, but if they are letting divided love or attention be their excuse are they truly secure in their love for each other with the possibility of a child to become a jealous distraction in their own love.

I'm just wondering if you ever considered foster-parenting. My wife and I had a son and then fostered, eventually adopting two girls (sisters). I'm amazed that people don't consider this more. The financial obstacles are eliminated where people who adopt by other means pay thousands. It has been an incredible blessing! :yes

I would prefer that a Christian couple (or anyone) who does not want children doesn't have them. This is between them and God. To the rest of this discussion, why force a bad situation on a couple who wouldn't embrace a child?