If we use the 'unconditional election' model with the rich young ruler story.. we must simply conclude that this man was not chosen by God.. otherwise he would not have been able to resist being chosen.. and he would have gladly sold all his possessions and followed Christ..
IMO this model is extremely shallow and is imo the epitome of missing the forest for the trees.. and yet it's what multitudes in Christendom have adopted today.
I have some ref links that I can't paste here with my phone, but here is my take.
Then don't believe it. Stick with your own understanding, which is that your salvation is conditional. It comes with strings attached, and conditions that you must meet, I guess.
The doctrine of Unconditional Election has 0 bearing on anyone's salvation. Unconditional election is not something understood by anyone outside of it, nor is it required to be in any way, shape or form. I think that's fair. How else could it be? That does not mean that those who don't understand it are not saved, or don't have a relationship with God. They may very well. However, allow me the opportunity to state the doctrine.
In Protestant theology, election is considered to be one aspect of predestination in which God selects certain individuals to be saved. Those elected receive mercy, while those not elected, the reprobates, receive justice without condition. This is not some feel good doctrine. Few Christian people like it at all because they think it says that they might not be elect. However that's not what it says.
This is not a John Calvin concept. John Calvin did not invent this, but he did write a lot about it. In his writings, unconditional election is essentially related to the rest of the TULIP acrostic that he developed. In that, Unconditional election hinges upon the supreme basic belief in the sovereignty of God. Unconditional election is God's choice to save people regardless of their sin or any condition. This basically means, God's act of saving is not based on what man can do or choose to will, but man is loved by God without any conditions or man's action or deeds but solely by God's grace, thus unconditional election.
This is not a difficult concept! This does not mean that those chosen by God do not follow God, or have no desire for God. In fact it means they do, otherwise they would not. It's just that simple and should not be read into anymore that that.
To take it further, In Calvinist, and some other churches (Waldensians, Katharoi, Anabaptists, Particular Baptists, etc.) this election has been called "unconditional" because his choice to save someone does not hinge on anything inherent in the person or on any act that the person performs or belief that the person exercises. But to understand this, is also to understand the sinful nature of man.
You have already stated your belief that man does not change his sinful nature. I'm not sure you believe that based on other things you've expressed, but if you do then you have to know that it is man's new nature in Christ that that rules his old nature. That concept alone is Calvinistic and should easily lead to understanding unconditional election, otherwise your placing conditions on salvation that you have already said you can't meet.
Indeed, according to the doctrine of total depravity (the first of the five points of Calvinism), the influence of sin has so inhibited the individual's volition that no one is [willing] or able to come to or follow God apart from God first regenerating the person's soul to give them the ability to love him. BORN AGAIN. Hence, God’s choice in election is and can only be based solely on God's own independent and sovereign will and [not] upon the foreseen actions of man.
Scholastic Calvinists have sometimes debated precisely when, relative to the decree for the Fall of man, God did his electing – see supralapsarianism and infralapsarianism – though such distinctions are not often emphasized in modern Calvinism.
The Reformed position is frequently contrasted with the Arminian doctrine of conditional election in which God's eternal choice to save a person is conditioned on God’s certain foreknowledge of future events, namely, that certain individuals would exercise faith and trust in response to God's [offer] of salvation, but even that is not what you have expressed.
So while you do not have to understand Unconditional election to be saved, you're left with a lot of biblical reconciliation, because there are a number of passages put forth to support the doctrine, including (quotations are from the ESV) notice these are new testament scriptures
John 15:16: "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you."
Acts 13:48: "And when the Gentiles heard this, they began rejoicing and glorifying the word of the Lord, and as many as were appointed to eternal life believed."
Romans 9:15-16: "For he says to Moses, 'I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.' So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy."
Romans 9:22-24: "What if God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience vessles of wrath prepared for destruction, in order to make the riches of his glory for vessles of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory - even us whom he has called, not only from the Jews but also from the Gentiles?"
Ephesians 1:4-5: "even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will,"
Ephesians 1:11: "In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will,"
Philippians 1:29: "For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake"
1 Thessalonians 1:4-5: "For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you, because our gospel came to you not only in word, but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction. You know what kind of men we proved to be among you for your sake."
2 Thessalonians 2:13: "But we ought always to give thanks to God for you, brothers beloved by the Lord, because God chose you as the firstfruits to be saved, through sanctification [by the Spirit] and belief in the truth."
2 Timothy 1:9: "who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began,"
To be fair however, here are some biblical verses put forth as evidence that human volition, not just divine action, plays a central role in salvation. Although I see them differently, this might fit with your idea of conditional election. These are the strongest verses you can use, but notice they are old testament under the law.
Deuteronomy 30:19: "I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live."
Joshua 24:15: "And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the LORD, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell."