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How to become a submissive wife?

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Jan 4, 2015
Mrs. Submission,
The very fact that you are asking this question shows that the Holy Spirit is working mightily in you, so right now just thank the Lord and praise Him for desiring His will in your life. Whatever you do, ask for answers directly from Scripture, since there are a thousand conflicting opinions (even among Christians).

Since I have done an in-depth study of this matter (you can pm me about this), I will give you a fairly brief outline from the Scriptures which you should meditate upon and then implement (preferably reading and discussing with your husband).
1. BELIEVE that God created woman for man, to be a helper, a companion, and a complement (Genesis 2:18-25). Procreation was automatically included, since God wanted humankind to be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth (Gen 1:28).
2. BELIEVE that God wanted the husband to have authority over his wife (1 Corinthians 11:3-16 can be broken down as follows, and we can deal with the question of the woman's head covering separately):
(a) The man (Adam) is not the woman (Eve), but the Woman (the rib) of the Man (Adam);
(b) Neither was the man (Adam) created for the woman (Eve), but the woman for the man (Gen 2:18);
(c) Nevertheless neither is the man (Christian husband) without the woman (Christian wife -- he incomplete without her), neither the woman without the man (she incomplete without him), in the Lord;
(d) For as the woman (Eve) is of the man (Adam), even so is the man (the Christian husband) also by the woman (born of his mother). In other words, all men are born from women after Adam was directly created by God.

In view of all this, Paul by Divine inspiration says "But I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ; AND THE HEAD OF THE WOMAN IS THE MAN; and the Head of Christ is God" (1 Cor 11:3). That word "head" is the Greek word kephale which is a metaphor for authority (Gk exousia). This is the authority that God has given to every Christian husband. Not for domination or illegitimate control but for leadership in the home. At the same time, Christian husbands are COMMANDED to love their wives as Christ loved the Church (but wives are commanded to be in submission). Ask yourself why? Because a husband must love his wife sacrificially so that she will submit herself willingly.

Now notice this passage (Ephesians 5: 22-33) carefully, and then implement it as a commmandment of Christ (and Christ said, If a man love me, he will keep my words, and these words come from the Lord to Paul and then to us):
22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
That word "reverence" is the Greek word phobeo (from which we get phobia or fear). It is defined as "reverential fear on the part of a wife for her husband" (Vine's Expository Dictionary). What this means before Christ is that when your husband asks you to do something under Christ's authority, then it is as though the Lord Himself is making that request. Therefore Scripture says that wives are to "obey" (be in subjection to) their husbands as Sarah obeyed Abraham (1 Pet 3:1-7).

Praise the Lord indeed! He has brought me out of so much suffering. I have noticed that since I have made the commitment to pray more, I feel very calm after I talk to God about my weaknesses and ask for His strength. I should have done this a long time ago.

I greatly appreciate your detailed explanation of the Scripture. I think too many people get the wrong idea as soon as they hear the word "submission". A submissive wife is not a subservient fool who says yes all the time like robot.

When I do submit to my husband, I feel the same sense of safety that I feel when I talk to God. I assume this is why submitting to the Lord and to my husband are one and the same? My husband is a very wise and caring man. He has my best interests at heart and he wants nothing more than to see me happy. Of course, this means that we will butt heads because of my stubbornness and "YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!" attitude at times.

My therapist says that I had a bad example for expressing anger and sharing decisions growing up. However, I do not want to blame my parents' marriage for my shortcomings. As an adult, I am responsible for my decisions and what kind of wife I choose to be.
 

reba

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Thank you for your warm welcome! I appreciate it.

I think that my ideas about submission have been poisoned by feminism.
I tend to associate submission with being weak or overly compliant. I know that isn't the truth but it is an irrational thought that I am guilty of having.
For me submission is much harder then being the boss... It takes much more strength to bend then to snap...
 

Willie T

A man who isn't as smart as others "know" they are
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Anyone here remember the advice given in My Big Fat Greek Wedding?

tumblr_n1s0amCNpd1r3761so1_250.gif
........ and, she turns the head!

(If you really THINK about it, THAT is the meaning of being a "help-meet.")
 
Last edited:
Christian
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I just want to thank everyone for their responses and warm welcome!
For me submission is much harder then being the boss... It takes much more strength to bend then to snap...
So true! Especially when you're used to being rigid!
 
Christian
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Jan 4, 2015
Anyone here remember the advice given in My Big Fat Greek Wedding?

tumblr_n1s0amCNpd1r3761so1_250.gif
........ and, she turns the head!

(If you really THINK about it, THAT is the meaning of being a "help-meet.")
:amen This is demonstrated by my husband in many ways.

I suggested buying a home in the country because it is much closer to his office than our city apartment is.

He agreed but specified certain areas. I did want to move to areas my husband didn't like and he politely yet firmly declined those places as options.

I argued a little bit before remembering my commitment to being submissive. I trust that my husband knows what is best for us.
 

jasonc

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Christian
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Gary..... I think we need to include a "Gibbs head-slap" from NCIS, to cover situations like that.

dope-slap.gif
I cant stand NCIS. officers don't arrest. ncos do. off topic.

submission from both sides. hmm a good leader must aslo follow.... key word for the man is to lead by following...
 

Willie T

A man who isn't as smart as others "know" they are
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:amen This is demonstrated by my husband in many ways.

I suggested buying a home in the country because it is much closer to his office than our city apartment is.

He agreed but specified certain areas. I did want to move to areas my husband didn't like and he politely yet firmly declined those places as options.

I argued a little bit before remembering my commitment to being submissive. I trust that my husband knows what is best for us.
Hummm, the difference between "turning the head", and "butting heads?" It DOES take some learning.
 
Christian
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Jan 4, 2015
"Turning the head" is gently stating my opinion but being open to my husband disagreeing and making the final decision.

"Butting heads" is being angry and stubborn while trying to force my viewpoint.

My husband always pushes back when I butt heads with him but turning his head usually gets a better response. :biggrin2
 
Christian
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Jan 4, 2015
I cant stand NCIS. officers don't arrest. ncos do. off topic.

submission from both sides. hmm a good leader must aslo follow.... key word for the man is to lead by following...
Absolutely! A good captain listens to his first officer before making a choice that will affect both of them.
 
P

poetofparables

Guest
Hello everyone. I attempted to post about this issue in another Christian forum. Unfortunately, the members were very unwelcoming and told me to ask this question on a different Christian forum instead. They also referred to submission as "being a doormat", which demonstrated a lack of understanding. So here I am! :wink

I am going to share some very difficult aspects of my life in order to give a detailed background. I hope that I do not offend anyone.

I grew up in an affluent yet abusive home. My mother is a battleax who abused me verbally and physically. She loved to scream and swear. My father is a quiet sweetheart just like my husband. He and I are very close I and I grew up watching my dear dad be emasculated by my mother's bullying and domineering nature.

I left home at 21 to escape that environment. I went through a promiscuous phase after being raised in a very strict home. I was also trying to reclaim my sexuality in a misguided and harmful way after being sexually abused. During my promiscuous phase, I was also a raging feminist. I swore that I would never marry, take a man's name or cook for him. I was so angry at men and I was sleeping around to assert my "individuality." I was a wild kid back then.

My husband and I met when I was 25. His tender and patient way of relating to me won me over, along with his chivalrous approach to dating. We married 4 years ago, which was 3 years after we met. Our marriage is mostly happy except for my tendency to behave just like my mother when I am angry with my husband.

I have been in counseling which has helped immensely. I have also started to pray and ask God to remove the anger demon which was left by all the trauma I endured. I want to be more submissive to my husband because I respect and trust my hubby the way I never done with any other man. Though he is mild mannered, my husband sets firm boundaries for my behavior and assumes the leader role. This is very different from the dynamic I saw between my parents. My father was henpecked and my mother was a screeching harpy.

I find that I feel calmer and happier when I submit to my husband. I feel like he made me into an honest and decent woman. My main issue is that I am naturally a headstrong and stubborn woman. Though I enjoy nurturing my husband and listening to his advice, I also feel conflicted since I am so different from who I was before I met him. I wonder if I am giving up my independent identity. I have told my husband that I want to submit to him more and he was pleased.

How can I be a submissive wife? I am open to any any suggestions. Please pray for me as well.
Do you think your giving up your independence? is your gut telling you one thing and your mind telling you something else. Is your conscience saying another thing and your critical thinking telling you something else. Dont lean on just one faculty to decide, learn all you can unill all your faculties agree. Then youll know enough to know if being submissive is the right thing (for you?)
 
Christian
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Jan 4, 2015
Do you think your giving up your independence? is your gut telling you one thing and your mind telling you something else. Is your conscience saying another thing and your critical thinking telling you something else. Dont lean on just one faculty to decide, learn all you can unill all your faculties agree. Then youll know enough to know if being submissive is the right thing (for you?)

I think that marriage requires giving up some independence for interdependence. I struggle with that because I never wanted to get married until I met my husband; remember that I was a raging feminist. My gut is telling me that submission is worth it but my traumatized mind remains rebellious. Being in an abusive relationship in the past made me very scared of depending on someone again.
 
Christian
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Joined
Jan 4, 2015
Today I told my husband how much I appreciated everything he does for us. Because of him, I can be choosy about where I work instead of taking dead end jobs.
I also asked his opinion on a small purchase since I have a tendency to buy unnecessary toiletries. I took my husband's advice and did not buy the item.
 

jasonc

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Christian
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sheeesh once military always military :) :salute
that works in a lot of other aspects. I may have authority when in the uniform but when im not I have no authority on any other job. a husband has authority in the context of his marriage and if children the dad and granddad if that is the case. my dad is also per the commands of paul still to be respected.
 
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poetofparables

Guest
I think that marriage requires giving up some independence for interdependence. I struggle with that because I never wanted to get married until I met my husband; remember that I was a raging feminist. My gut is telling me that submission is worth it but my traumatized mind remains rebellious. Being in an abusive relationship in the past made me very scared of depending on someone again.
Yes I really feel for your situation mrs submission, but you know how to heal. Just like a wound knows how to heal itself when treated with care, the same applies to your mind. You have to clean and dress your wound and pay it careful attention, and your mind will do the rest.
 
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Jan 4, 2015
It has been many years since that relationship and my husband is nothing like that awful person who used money to control me.

Learning to trust my husband has been very healing. I just still have some reservations for no reason except to protect myself just in case.

My husband needs a haircut. Instead of being a demanding nag like I was in the past, I simply asked my husband if he was getting a haircut soon. Asking my husband if he will do something instead of trying to push him works wonders.
 
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poetofparables

Guest
It has been many years since that relationship and my husband is nothing like that awful person who used money to control me.

Learning to trust my husband has been very healing. I just still have some reservations for no reason except to protect myself.
And that is true submission.
 
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