The very fact that you are asking this question shows that the Holy Spirit is working mightily in you, so right now just thank the Lord and praise Him for desiring His will in your life. Whatever you do, ask for answers directly from Scripture, since there are a thousand conflicting opinions (even among Christians).
Since I have done an in-depth study of this matter (you can pm me about this), I will give you a fairly brief outline from the Scriptures which you should meditate upon and then implement (preferably reading and discussing with your husband).
1. BELIEVE that God created woman for man, to be a helper, a companion, and a complement (Genesis 2:18-25). Procreation was automatically included, since God wanted humankind to be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth (Gen 1:28).
2. BELIEVE that God wanted the husband to have authority over his wife (1 Corinthians 11:3-16 can be broken down as follows, and we can deal with the question of the woman's head covering separately):
(a) The man (Adam) is not the woman (Eve), but the Woman (the rib) of the Man (Adam);
(b) Neither was the man (Adam) created for the woman (Eve), but the woman for the man (Gen 2:18);
(c) Nevertheless neither is the man (Christian husband) without the woman (Christian wife -- he incomplete without her), neither the woman without the man (she incomplete without him), in the Lord;
(d) For as the woman (Eve) is of the man (Adam), even so is the man (the Christian husband) also by the woman (born of his mother). In other words, all men are born from women after Adam was directly created by God.
In view of all this, Paul by Divine inspiration says "But I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ; AND THE HEAD OF THE WOMAN IS THE MAN; and the Head of Christ is God" (1 Cor 11:3). That word "head" is the Greek word kephale which is a metaphor for authority (Gk exousia). This is the authority that God has given to every Christian husband. Not for domination or illegitimate control but for leadership in the home. At the same time, Christian husbands are COMMANDED to love their wives as Christ loved the Church (but wives are commanded to be in submission). Ask yourself why? Because a husband must love his wife sacrificially so that she will submit herself willingly.
Now notice this passage (Ephesians 5: 22-33) carefully, and then implement it as a commmandment of Christ (and Christ said, If a man love me, he will keep my words, and these words come from the Lord to Paul and then to us):
22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
That word "reverence" is the Greek word phobeo (from which we get phobia or fear). It is defined as "reverential fear on the part of a wife for her husband" (Vine's Expository Dictionary). What this means before Christ is that when your husband asks you to do something under Christ's authority, then it is as though the Lord Himself is making that request. Therefore Scripture says that wives are to "obey" (be in subjection to) their husbands as Sarah obeyed Abraham (1 Pet 3:1-7).
Praise the Lord indeed! He has brought me out of so much suffering. I have noticed that since I have made the commitment to pray more, I feel very calm after I talk to God about my weaknesses and ask for His strength. I should have done this a long time ago.
I greatly appreciate your detailed explanation of the Scripture. I think too many people get the wrong idea as soon as they hear the word "submission". A submissive wife is not a subservient fool who says yes all the time like robot.
When I do submit to my husband, I feel the same sense of safety that I feel when I talk to God. I assume this is why submitting to the Lord and to my husband are one and the same? My husband is a very wise and caring man. He has my best interests at heart and he wants nothing more than to see me happy. Of course, this means that we will butt heads because of my stubbornness and "YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!" attitude at times.
My therapist says that I had a bad example for expressing anger and sharing decisions growing up. However, I do not want to blame my parents' marriage for my shortcomings. As an adult, I am responsible for my decisions and what kind of wife I choose to be.