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How to become a submissive wife?

Christian
No
Messages
76
Joined
Jan 4, 2015
Just checking in everyone...

I've been praying it has worked very well. I am far less argumentative and my husband has become more affectionate and protective of me. I notice that asking my husband "What's your decision for us?" gets great results. My husband is very introverted and people often misinterpret his silence as disliking them. My cousin came to visit and she made some comments about feeling uncomfortable. Instead of getting angry with my husband, I used a calm and caring tone when I asked him if my cousin and her baby upset him. I used to get upset with my husband for being so taciturn but now I accept it. He just takes a long time to warm up to people and I am the social butterfly in our marriage. Part of submission is accepting my husband for who he is.

My husband and I go to bed at different times and last night he asked me to come lie down with him until he fell asleep. I was touched by the vulnerability in that request. We cuddled until my husband dozed off and I told him that I will do the same every night.
 
P

poetofparables

Guest
Just checking in everyone...

I've been praying it has worked very well. I am far less argumentative and my husband has become more affectionate and protective of me. I notice that asking my husband "What's your decision for us?" gets great results. My husband is very introverted and people often misinterpret his silence as disliking them. My cousin came to visit and she made some comments about feeling uncomfortable. Instead of getting angry with my husband, I used a calm and caring tone when I asked him if my cousin and her baby upset him. I used to get upset with my husband for being so taciturn but now I accept it. He just takes a long time to warm up to people and I am the social butterfly in our marriage. Part of submission is accepting my husband for who he is.

My husband and I go to bed at different times and last night he asked me to come lie down with him until he fell asleep. I was touched by the vulnerability in that request. We cuddled until my husband dozed off and I told him that I will do the same every night.
K.
 

Malachi

Member
Messages
2,232
Joined
Nov 6, 2014
As a strong willed person, I see submission as a form of feminine chivalry. So when I serve my husband it's not out of weakness, but out of strength. Just as our Lord washed the feet of His disciples, it wasn't to show that He was beneath them, but to show that real leadership serves.
Regina,
That's the spirit. That's also a win-win-win.
 

ReginaForbes

Member
From
Upstate, NY
Gender
Female
Messages
535
Joined
Oct 17, 2014
Regina,
That's the spirit. That's also a win-win-win.
I really enjoy doing it too! I wind up feeling like some romantic hero and because I've been so generous with him, Stan is freed to be generous to me. For example, having the house clean and ready before he comes home from work...frees up time for him to cook dinner for me!
 
Christian
No
Messages
76
Joined
Jan 4, 2015
As a strong willed person, I see submission as a form of feminine chivalry. So when I serve my husband it's not out of weakness, but out of strength. Just as our Lord washed the feet of His disciples, it wasn't to show that He was beneath them, but to show that real leadership serves.

I love this way of looking at submission! My husband brought me tea and a cookie this evening as a peace offering after an argument. I accepted his apology. My husband likes to be affectionate after a fight and in the past I would turn my face away from his kisses out of the stubborn need to hold on to anger. This time, I didn't bother to be cold for no reason. Holding on to anger solves nothing.

I have always been an independent person who earned her own money. However, I have recently started experiencing some stress related illness, as well as the physical and emotional symptoms of ceasing a terrible habit. My husband asked asked that I refrain from working outside the home until I have healed. He thinks I need to take a break. As much as I prefer being employed, I trust that my husband has my best interests at heart. I am enjoying the much needed rest.
 
Christian
No
Messages
76
Joined
Jan 4, 2015
When my husband came home yesterday, I was on the phone with my cousin. We chatted for a couple of hours until we said bye to each other. My husband wice mentioned that I was on the phone for two hours. This prompted me to ask him if my length of time on the phone bothered him. My husband clarified that he would like to have my full attention when he first walks through the door. While he doesn't expect me to spend the whole evening by his side, he needs me to be attentive for at least a couple of hours after being away from me the whole day.

In the past, I would have bristled if he asked me to pay attention to him when he came home or cuddle with him until he fell asleep. I would have snarled "I can do whatever I want!!" at my husband. Now I realize that there is no need for my husband and I to refuse to do things to make each other happy, especially if the requests are reasonable and not difficult to fulfil. My submission is making my husband speak up more about his needs and I think that's wonderful.

We were getting ready to see my parents today and my husband said "I want to have a shower with someone. Who should I ask?" :hysterical
I got the hint.

My husband is a man who requires a certain amount of attention and affection. As his wife, I am called to satisfy those needs for him as he does for me.
 

Cturtle

Member
Christian
Yes
Messages
751
Joined
Jan 22, 2015
Welcome Mrs. Submissive, i am new here also, but your post caught my attention. This topic is something that i have been learning to do as well. My desire to be the best wife to my fiancè, and be a true follower of God's ways are the reasons for my searching God for the answers.
I believe that if we truly walk according to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, we will be successful. And as i meditate upon the scriptures that pertain to a godly wife, He instills more calm and trust within me. I nightly remind myself that God loves me and that my fiancè loves me. And that cancels out the past bad relationships.
The hardest place for a woman to be is in this time. Our roles are not defined, as they were in the Bible. And to truly define what a woman was meant to be, one has to go back to the beginning. In Genesis when God caused Adam to fall asleep, and took half of him to create eve. We are created to be our husband's helpmates. And if we read the responsibilities of the man....whew...God deals more strictly with them as with us.
Many blessings to you and yours!
 

reba

Member
From
State of Jefferson
Gender
Female
Messages
47,106
Joined
Dec 23, 2010
50 --40 years ago it seems to me it was standard practice.. When he came home out side influences went to the wayside... Sally might be over for a chat.. the conversation goes sorta like this... The kids are playing ball getting along with each other nice huh? Sally looks at her watch,,, O my Bill will be home soon got to run... A lot changed with both parents having jobs outside the home...
 
Christian
No
Messages
76
Joined
Jan 4, 2015
I don't know if the changes in society were good for marriage. I do know that if a woman dares to embrace a more traditional kind of marriage, she is usually shamed and perceived as unintelligent. I mean, I posted this question on a Christian forum and I was told not to be a doormat. I was surprised that Christians would think that way.

My husband and I argued today and he said that he feels like I push him away with my anger. He also asked me why I cannot simply say that I am sad or hurt rather than getting mad. It is because expressing vulnerable emotions feels weak to me. I try not to use anger to protect myself but I do forget sometimes.

He also said that I can be cold sometimes and he doesn't like it. Sometimes I live in my own little world so much that I forget my husband.
 
Christian
No
Messages
76
Joined
Jan 4, 2015
Welcome Mrs. Submissive, i am new here also, but your post caught my attention. This topic is something that i have been learning to do as well. My desire to be the best wife to my fiancè, and be a true follower of God's ways are the reasons for my searching God for the answers.
I believe that if we truly walk according to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, we will be successful. And as i meditate upon the scriptures that pertain to a godly wife, He instills more calm and trust within me. I nightly remind myself that God loves me and that my fiancè loves me. And that cancels out the past bad relationships.
The hardest place for a woman to be is in this time. Our roles are not defined, as they were in the Bible. And to truly define what a woman was meant to be, one has to go back to the beginning. In Genesis when God caused Adam to fall asleep, and took half of him to create eve. We are created to be our husband's helpmates. And if we read the responsibilities of the man....whew...God deals more strictly with them as with us.
Many blessings to you and yours!

I think the key is "cancelling out all past bad relationships" for me. I have survived so much abuse that it is hard for me to surrender to my husband. I worry about protecting myself when I probably do not need to.

You are so right about God instilling trust. I do not read the Bible often but I find that prayer helps calm me. Thanks for reminding me to pray this evening.
 

Cturtle

Member
Christian
Yes
Messages
751
Joined
Jan 22, 2015
In today's world, there is a spirit of rebellion...aka the feministic spirit of jezebel. As Part of the Body of Christ we must not allow that to be our guide. Jesus told us that we are in the world but not to behave like it. Which can be difficult to do. That's why it's so important to renew or minds to what the Word says that we should be, and act accordingly.
I know that it's difficult to trust another human being, especially when someone has hurt or abused us, but if we can place our trust in our Savior, (trusting that God is the one that brought this man into your life) and trusting Him that He loves us, and that He will protect us from being hurt when we submit to His ways, then our trust is essentially in Christ, not in man. We are all human, and are at times going to make mistakes. The enemy (devil) wants us to push away the ones that we love, because if he can get strife or disharmony into the middle it opens the door to him to do other works. This is where we need to stand united against him, because one thought or action can be like pushing on one domino....they all go after that.
The devil knows that within unity lies the power of God. He also knows that marriage and unity are very valuable to God and if he can destroy that in any way he has hurt God. Which is his primary goal. The devil also knows that God wants to bless us and lavish His love on us, but when we are in strife, and unforgiveness, that blocks the flow of every good thing that God wants to do in our lives.
If nothing else i encourage you to write down 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and read them out loud to yourself and whenever the enemy is trying to get you to act like the world.
I would have never thought that a christian forum would tell you that your a doormat by being submissive, but just because they say they are Christians, does not necessarily mean that they walk in all of the ways of Jesus. God truly loves them, but they need some more developing like the rest of us.
 

Cturtle

Member
Christian
Yes
Messages
751
Joined
Jan 22, 2015
50 --40 years ago it seems to me it was standard practice.. When he came home out side influences went to the wayside... Sally might be over for a chat.. the conversation goes sorta like this... The kids are playing ball getting along with each other nice huh? Sally looks at her watch,,, O my Bill will be home soon got to run... A lot changed with both parents having jobs outside the home...


So many times in my life did i wish that it was as it was back then... but God knew that i would be able to handle what He has so graciously given me. Thanks for sharing reba! :)
 

ReginaForbes

Member
From
Upstate, NY
Gender
Female
Messages
535
Joined
Oct 17, 2014
I don't know if the changes in society were good for marriage. I do know that if a woman dares to embrace a more traditional kind of marriage, she is usually shamed and perceived as unintelligent. I mean, I posted this question on a Christian forum and I was told not to be a doormat. I was surprised that Christians would think that way.
- ugh - don't get me started on that one. The modern feminist movement was created to destroy the family. It first started off with some common sense stuff...let women vote- OK, and then like a snake-oil salesman, it's got it's foot in the door and now its selling you a faulty bill of goods. Hey, you like voting? how about working and making your own money? Hey you like that, how about let the state take care of your kids? like that? hey, divorce your husband and let the state be your protector...and on and on and on. All a bunch of deceit from the pit!
 

Cturtle

Member
Christian
Yes
Messages
751
Joined
Jan 22, 2015
I fully agree Regina. Just in thinking about what you said, God showed me, (and i believe us) just how suttle the devil is. He begins with appealing to women regarding to vote, then he moves and speaks trying to make it sound appealing so that we just grab right ahold of whatever, all the while making us believe that it's all for our advancement and good. And it all seems innocent enough till, now in this age it is all twisted and, it breaks God's heart that we have to fight to be ok with God's ways.
But i am so glad that God is so awesome and wonderful to show me (us) how the enemy works so that we don't have to be deceived. And God gives us the strength to stand up and say i am a godly woman, and i don't care how the world views it because this is not my home. My home is in heaven and i am but an alien in this world.
Blessings to you all!
 
Christian
No
Messages
76
Joined
Jan 4, 2015
I will admit that there was a time that I embraced the feminist ideals. I never wanted to get married until I met my husband. His patient and tender love made me want to become softer and sweeter. It is so sweet not to have to worry about everything myself anymore.
The Devil is a liar. He comes to destroy and that was his objective with the feminist movement; to destroy marriages and ruin families so that he could make the world more sinful.
 
Christian
No
Messages
76
Joined
Jan 4, 2015
In today's world, there is a spirit of rebellion...aka the feministic spirit of jezebel. As Part of the Body of Christ we must not allow that to be our guide. Jesus told us that we are in the world but not to behave like it. Which can be difficult to do. That's why it's so important to renew or minds to what the Word says that we should be, and act accordingly.
I know that it's difficult to trust another human being, especially when someone has hurt or abused us, but if we can place our trust in our Savior, (trusting that God is the one that brought this man into your life) and trusting Him that He loves us, and that He will protect us from being hurt when we submit to His ways, then our trust is essentially in Christ, not in man. We are all human, and are at times going to make mistakes. The enemy (devil) wants us to push away the ones that we love, because if he can get strife or disharmony into the middle it opens the door to him to do other works. This is where we need to stand united against him, because one thought or action can be like pushing on one domino....they all go after that.
The devil knows that within unity lies the power of God. He also knows that marriage and unity are very valuable to God and if he can destroy that in any way he has hurt God. Which is his primary goal. The devil also knows that God wants to bless us and lavish His love on us, but when we are in strife, and unforgiveness, that blocks the flow of every good thing that God wants to do in our lives.
If nothing else i encourage you to write down 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and read them out loud to yourself and whenever the enemy is trying to get you to act like the world.
I would have never thought that a christian forum would tell you that your a doormat by being submissive, but just because they say they are Christians, does not necessarily mean that they walk in all of the ways of Jesus. God truly loves them, but they need some more developing like the rest of us.

:amen:amen:amen:amen
 

Cturtle

Member
Christian
Yes
Messages
751
Joined
Jan 22, 2015
To be totally honest, there was a time when i was not a very nice person to my children's dad. I had grown up with carnal thinking, even though i was saved at the age of 8. Then with my teenage years, and becoming a tad rebellious (i actually missed what God wanted me to do, choosing to do get married instead). And because of my deciding to not listen to God, i was not in His perfect will for my life, and it was really miserable. Fast forward about 20 years. I am divorced, living for myself, and clearly not looking for a relationship. But i told God to take the wheel, and if He wanted me with someone He would have to make some changes. Well He did begin to make some changes, and brought my fiancè into my life. We hit it off right away. And thus God began to restore, and heal all the things that had been messed up from long ago. Now 7 years later, we have grown so much in the Lord, and are preparing for our life together. God is at the center of our relationship and He is making it so that all of the baggage and old wounds are healed, so that we can begin our life a new. God is restoring all that the devil has stolen from both of us.
And i have to say that my disobedience has caused a lot of pain. Pain that i would not wish on my worst enemy. Stuff that only He can fix, and He has assured me that He is.
Blessings!
 
Christian
No
Messages
76
Joined
Jan 4, 2015
There is a beautiful surrender that comes with allowing myself to be vulnerable and submissive. When I was a little girl, I was a quiet little sweetheart who was pleasing to be around. My bad experiences hardened me and now my marriage is helping me relax my rigid boundaries. Leela James wrote a song that acutely describes looking at my husband with new eyes because I have decided to be more submissive. The first few times I heard it, I wept with recognition and gratefulness at meeting my wonderful husband. I thought about letting go of living in the city so that we can be closer to his job and feeling excited yet a little scared; I always said that I would never leave the city and here I am willingly becoming a country housewife.

Here are the lyrics and YouTube video link:

Here we are, together
And everything between us is good
I'm right here in this cloud, baby
Ready to fly but before I take
Another step

Would you catch me if I fall for you?
'cause I'm falling
I'm falling, I'm falling

I'm so used to standing
So used to being on my own
But this thing is new, baby
It feels like I'm losing control
I'll take another step

If you catch me when I fall for you
'cause I'm falling
I'm falling, I'm falling

Will you promise to be there?
Stay by my side always?
Whenever I need you
Don't let me down, no, no

If I give you my all, don't let me fall
Would you do that for me, hold me?
Will you love, will you love me?

My heart is ready
For love and to be loved
And I chose you, baby
That's the one thing I'm sure of
So I will take this one last step

So catch me, I'm falling for you
I'm falling
I'm falling, I'm falling

I'm falling
I'm falling, I'm falling

 
Christian
No
Messages
76
Joined
Jan 4, 2015
This evening my husband said: "You've changed. I can't put my finger on it but I love the changes you've made. I feel like we aren't as stressed." It made me very happy to hear that. We are overcoming a private issue that I would rather not discuss here...let's just say that the lessening of stress has led to significant improvements. :boing
 
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