Husband is having second thoughts

[Laura520]

:waving hi guys, I'm new here. I am a newlywed, my husband and I were married 2 months ago. I have recently had a lot going on in my life, and in that I have come back to Christ. I am determined to stay on the right path this time. My husband, however, doesn't feel the same way. He HATES religion and wants nothing to do with God. He was raised in a very strict christian home and has had very bad experiences with the christians that have been in his life, so he catagorizes all christians into one group, and now includes me in that group. There is nothing I can say to him to get him to understand that I'm not forcing anything on him. I told him I wasn't going to force him to go to church, that the only things changing about me were things that were good. He says he's worried I will leave him for a better christian man, but then in the same convlersation he wonders if he made the right decision in marrying me. I love this man, and I will not leave him. My heart feels so heavy right now and the only way to describe what I''m feeling is desperation and hopelessness. I know I need to place my hope in God, but every time I get encouragment I get beaten down again... I want my husband to share this with me. I want him to be the spiritual leader. He has such a strong hatred toward religion that I keep feeling like he has to know the truth... he has to be fighting something deeper than I know... I'm just not sure how to procede. Do I continue to pray for him and just try to be the best wife I can be to him? Is there anything i can do/shouldn't do? Whenever we try to have religious discussions or talk about God, he usually ends up offending me by catagorizing me in with everyone else he's known or by being disrespectful and sarcastic. I'm reading the power of a praying wife, and it's helping ALOT but after our talk tonight I just feel so....... let down. I don't know what to do.

 

[reba]

Been married to a nonbeliver for 47 years I wish with all my heart i could have some fancy words for you. The best and most precious thing you can do for your H and self is keep praying. When your down pray when your up pray. I would suggest dont preach just live the life, it may be the Bible he reads.

 

[handy]

I would suggest dont preach just live the life, it may be the Bible he reads.

:amen

Accept the fact that he won't be the "spiritual leader"...at least not at this point.

God might change him...but be prepared, it might be years, even a lifetime, or not at all...there are no promises except this: The unbelieving husband is sanctified through the believing wife.

So, you've come back to Christ after your marriage 2 months ago? I can understand his being upset you know...if he hates religion that much, marries a woman whom he thinks is non-religious, just to have her turn around in 2 short months...I can understand why he is concerned.

Just give him time. Don't bring up the subject at all, but if he does, just reassure him that you love him and that you will be with him as long as he wants you to be.

One other thing I'll add...and some might disagree with me on this, but I'm gonna stand strong here... If he doesn't want you to go to church on Sunday's, don't. Don't leave him alone on Sunday mornings for church. If he doesn't care, by all means GO! But if he does, if he resents you leaving him on Sunday mornings for church...don't.

 

[Mike]

He HATES religion and wants nothing to do with God. He was raised in a very strict christian home and has had very bad experiences with the christians that have been in his life, so he catagorizes all christians into one group, and now includes me in that group.

This is a tragic story that I hear now and then, and it just goes to show you how deeply misplaced church doctrine can impact people years down the road.

Laura, I agree with Handy. You are so very fresh off your wedding, and now to your husband comes a "game changer", and one that he has built up resentment about, to boot. This has got to be unsettling to him.

Being in church is where you should be, but it's not a place that you must be. We are encouraged to congregate, but we are given our spouses to put before all other people. Yes, it's more difficult to keep your faith strong on your own, but it can be done. I'm not sure anyone is more "pro-church" than me. Many are equally pro-church, but I don't know about more so. However, I would encourage you to minister to him with your faith *quietly* and respect his condition. God needs to re-wire him after all the programing from his childhood.

You sound like a wonderful woman, and I suspect over time, you might well show him that faith doesn't need to cause pain. But it will take time, no doubt.

Welcome to CFnet, by the way. Here's one guy in Michigan lifting you two up in prayer.

 

[Laura520]

My husband knew that I was a christian before we got married, however, things that have transpired have broughten me closer to God in the past months. I have been going to church gatherings about 3 times a week, whereas before it was once a week on Sundays. BUT, my husband is in military and stationed in Georgia, and I live in Nebraska with my son (I have joint custody with my ex-husband so I can't move) so we aren't able to be together. If he was here, I would not be out several times a week with other people when he doesn't share the same passion. When he has come to visit before, instead of going to church I have done my own bible study on sunday mornings, and he is respectful of that. I'm so torn. I feel like I am losing the love of an amazing man... but I also feel like my connection with God has never been stronger. I keep that he will see the truth... and I have thought that maybe the only way he will see it is through me... and that in itself is scary because I am not an example yet. I still mess up alot and I'm terrified I will mess up and it will jade his view even more of how "all christians are"

 

[Pizzaguy]

When he has come to visit before, instead of going to church I have done my own bible study on sunday mornings, and he is respectful of that. I'm so torn. I feel like I am losing the love of an amazing man... but I also feel like my connection with God has never been stronger. I keep that he will see the truth... and I have thought that maybe the only way he will see it is through me... and that in itself is scary because I am not an example yet. I still mess up alot and I'm terrified I will mess up and it will jade his view even more of how "all christians are"

I don't believe that you will jade his view even more... I think you will prove to be the one who turns him around. But this will not take weeks, it'll take, well, a lifetime - perhaps.

Give it time. I'm more concerned that you are up there and he is here in Georgia. My son is at sea for months at a time, I don't know how he and his wife do it - but they've been married for almost nine years now.

 

[jasz]

I just want to encourage you to keep your head up. Im not a Bible scholar but I know it does mention that the santified wife can santify the unsantified husband. Nobody is perfect so we will make mistakes in life, the thing is we have to learn from those mistakes and move on. I will keep you in my prayers God Bless!