Husband submitting to wife-is it OK?

[Hidden In Him]

LOL. Where is the men's locker room forum? I couldn't find it.

Let me tag our lead Admin, and we'll see if we can set you up. Not everyone can find it. Things are a little screwed up still from a recent change over.

Free.

 

[RedPill]

I know it's unbiblical, but so is getting divorced and remarried but many Christians do it

This is the crux of your predicament.

What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein? So you admit it's unbiblical, but care more about yourself and what others think, and so you're here soliciting their opinions. You're conflicted and, if this situation is not dealt with spiritually, it will not end well for you.

This is less about age differences and more about biblical headship-submission roles as established by The Boss for our protection. The Guide is there because The Boss doesn't want us to get hurt. He has a spiritual order that, if violated, will result in destruction to one degree or another.

Evidently, your flesh is attracted to the current situation. Have you ever examined why? But who/what should you rather be listening to and obeying? You've already told us the answer to that, while a double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death. My counsel is to choose God's way and be blessed - or not.

 

[Free]

LOL. Where is the men's locker room forum? I couldn't find it.

See if you can see it now, right under Marriage and Parenting.

 

[Juliarod]

Hi guys. I'm a 29 year old single guy dating a 46 year old wonderful Christian lady. We've been dating for about 6 months and it's going great. We get along great-her personality is more dominant and mine is more submissive. We have talked about marriage in the future. We both are ok with her being the head of household. No I'm not weak and she's not controlling-that's just the way we both prefer it. She's more assertive than me, her income is 4 times mine(she's way up into the 6 figures), and has more experience in life than me. I know it's unbiblical, but so is getting divorced and remarried but many Christians do it. And this is not a new thing to me-I've been attracted to women in their 40s since I was about 16. But it is the first time I've actually dated a woman more than 5 years older than me.

I struggle with submitting in my past years and I have now only in recent times come to understand the value to be under my husband. I pray you can find ways to have your future wife be submissive to you. She will enjoy it!

 

[jonathanbrickman0000]

See if you can see it now, right under Marriage and Parenting.

Nope, not yet.

 

[Carry_Your_Name]

I won't presumptuously slap the label "oedipus complex" on you, even though I'm under such impression, but first ask yourself, are you seeking an equal partner in life, or a substitute of your mother? You know, it is written, "man shall leave his parents and join his wife, and the two shall become one flesh," that doesn't only mean that you move out, so that you're spatially separated from your parents, but you also need to be emotionally and financially separate from your parents. Your union with your wife is supposed to be a rite of passage for you and your wife, you know, a transition from a child to an adult and a potential parent. If you can accomplish this transition, you can properly parent yourself without her ordering you around, and you keep your financial and emotional independence without relying on your wife, then submitting to her in travial matters is fine, no harm, no foul.

 

[Juliarod]

I won't presumptuously slap the label "oedipus complex" on you, even though I'm under such impression, but first ask yourself, are you seeking an equal partner in life, or a substitute of your mother? You know, it is written, "man shall leave his parents and join his wife, and the two shall become one flesh," that doesn't only mean that you move out, so that you're spatially separated from your parents, but you also need to be emotionally and financially separate from your parents. Your union with your wife is supposed to be a rite of passage for you and your wife, you know, a transition from a child to an adult and a potential parent. If you can accomplish this transition, you can properly parent yourself without her ordering you around, and you keep your financial and emotional independence without relying on your wife, then submitting to her in travial matters is fine, no harm, no foul.

This is so interesting. I had never thought about when we’re attracted to someone older that it might be “oedipus complex.” This was very insightful. Thank you.

 

[Carry_Your_Name]

This is so interesting. I had never thought about when we’re attracted to someone older that it might be “oedipus complex.” This was very insightful. Thank you.

It might not be "oedipus complex", a more common label is known as "Peter Pan syndrome", which often comes along with "Wendy Darling syndrome". This describes men that are biologically mature but psychologically IMmature, they still think and act like child, they're not emotionally stable and secure, they fail to take responsibilities, but somehow they can get a girlfriend, and she has to pick up his slacks and acts as his mother rather than his partner or "helper" as Eve to Adam. That's what I'm really thinking about when I read this title.

 

[Juliarod]

It might not be "oedipus complex", a more common label is known as "Peter Pan syndrome", which often comes along with "Wendy Darling syndrome". This describes men that are biologically mature but psychologically IMmature, they still think and act like child, they're not emotionally stable and secure, they fail to take responsibilities, but somehow they can get a girlfriend, and she has to pick up his slacks and acts as his mother rather than his partner or "helper" as Eve to Adam. That's what I'm really thinking about when I read this title.

That's so interesting. I can see that in my own sons HAHAHAHA I can't imagine if they don't grow out of that stage though

 

[Carry_Your_Name]

That's so interesting. I can see that in my own sons HAHAHAHA I can't imagine if they don't grow out of that stage though

I'm talking from experience, though. I've been there for a long time. Now I can mostly parent myself and live a regulated life, not a choice, but adaptation.

 

[Juliarod]

I'm talking from experience, though. I've been there for a long time. Now I can mostly parent myself and live a regulated life, not a choice, but adaptation.

Okay. Gotcha. Well I'm glad you made it!! Men who can take care of themselves is certainly an attractive trait in general.

 

[Carry_Your_Name]

Okay. Gotcha. Well I'm glad you made it!! Men who can take care of themselves is certainly an attractive trait in general.

Not necessarily so, I have practically zero social skill and no female acquaintance, and in return it's impossible to practice social skill and make any female acquaintance. Plus I live in a low trust society and everybody is staring down at their phones all the time, it's pretty disheartening. It's my fate, I've accepted it and made peace with it.

 

[Juliarod]

Not necessarily so, I have practically zero social skill and no female acquaintance, and in return it's impossible to practice social skill and make any female acquaintance. Plus I live in a low trust society and everybody is staring down at their phones all the time, it's pretty disheartening. It's my fate, I've accepted it and made peace with it.

Brother I think that men being alone forever is a rarity and that I don't want you to give up on women all together. I pray a Godly woman comes into your life and brings wholeness in every way she was designed to be for you. I believe you will discover so much more when your appointed helpmeet joins you. This is my prayer for you, my brother in Christ.

 

[Carry_Your_Name]

Brother I think that men being alone forever is a rarity and that I don't want you to give up on women all together. I pray a Godly woman comes into your life and brings wholeness in every way she was designed to be for you. I believe you will discover so much more when your appointed helpmeet joins you. This is my prayer for you, my brother in Christ.

Thanks ma'am, I appreciate it, but if you're interested, read my thread on the theology section. I've come to a conclusion that marriage is not for everyone, specifically, it's only for the laity, not the clergy, and I've denounced the church's tendency of pairing everybody up as idolatry of marriage, a subtle form of prosperity gospel, and also a politically motivated pushback against feminism. Paul has taught in 1 Cor. 7:25-40 that marriage is rather a distraction that will burden you with worldly trouble, time in your mortal life is short, you better use it wisely by serving God.

 

[RandyK]

Hi guys. I'm a 29 year old single guy dating a 46 year old wonderful Christian lady. We've been dating for about 6 months and it's going great. We get along great-her personality is more dominant and mine is more submissive. We have talked about marriage in the future. We both are ok with her being the head of household. No I'm not weak and she's not controlling-that's just the way we both prefer it. She's more assertive than me, her income is 4 times mine(she's way up into the 6 figures), and has more experience in life than me. I know it's unbiblical, but so is getting divorced and remarried but many Christians do it. And this is not a new thing to me-I've been attracted to women in their 40s since I was about 16. But it is the first time I've actually dated a woman more than 5 years older than me.

The Scriptures indicate the man is to be the head, which means that he has the final decision. A 2 headed monster is what results from democracy running amok, in my opinion. That being said, letting the wife be dominant in her areas of expertise and strength is not making her "head." It is called "mutual submission." We are to submit to one another. Your job of having the last say will ensure that your calling from God is maintained.

 

[Carry_Your_Name]

The Scriptures indicate the man is to be the head, which means that he has the final decision. A 2 headed monster is what results from democracy running amok, in my opinion. That being said, letting the wife be dominant in her areas of expertise and strength is not making her "head." It is called "mutual submission." We are to submit to one another. Your job of having the last say will ensure that your calling from God is maintained.

You're being idealistic and dogmatic, man made decisions are not always the wisest decisions. For example, regarding physical health, the wife is likely to be more health-conscious than the husband, she'd spend grocery money on fresh produce while he on junk food and drinks, should the wife really submit to the husband on this matter, when his "final decision" is being careless with our one and only body temple?

 

[Juliarod]

Thanks ma'am, I appreciate it, but if you're interested, read my thread on the theology section. I've come to a conclusion that marriage is not for everyone, specifically, it's only for the laity, not the clergy, and I've denounced the church's tendency of pairing everybody up as idolatry of marriage, a subtle form of prosperity gospel, and also a politically motivated pushback against feminism. Paul has taught in 1 Cor. 7:25-40 that marriage is rather a distraction that will burden you with worldly trouble, time in your mortal life is short, you better use it wisely by serving God.

This is an interesting perspective. I think of marriage as "completion" but I am open to hear this other point of view too. Thank you for sharing it with me.

 

[RandyK]

You're being idealistic and dogmatic, man made decisions are not always the wisest decisions. For example, regarding physical health, the wife is likely to be more health-conscious than the husband, she'd spend grocery money on fresh produce while he on junk food and drinks, should the wife really submit to the husband on this matter, when his "final decision" is being careless with our one and only body temple?

I didn't say the husband's *choice* is the "final decision." He may decide to go with the wife's choice because it is wiser and better than his own choice. Besides, the husband wants to please his wife, and will often defer to her *choice. *

I'm saying that just like in any employer/employee job someone has to make the final choice, and it has to be the employer. The employee may have the best choice, and a wise employer will go with that and increase the employee's authority and wage. But the final decision must rest with someone, or there will be endless civil war.

 

[RandyK]

You're being idealistic and dogmatic, man made decisions are not always the wisest decisions. For example, regarding physical health, the wife is likely to be more health-conscious than the husband, she'd spend grocery money on fresh produce while he on junk food and drinks, should the wife really submit to the husband on this matter, when his "final decision" is being careless with our one and only body temple?

The assumption you're making here is that ideals and dogma are wrong. They aren't--only when they are out of control. Are we "ideal" if we embrace Christianity as the "only way?" Are we "dogmatic" if we insist upon using the Scriptures as our "rule" for life?

No, we must have objective truth as our standard, and one God, as the Jews were told. This isn't "idealism," or unrealistic attitudes. Rather, it is facing God's word faithfully and carrying it out properly.

Even in our society there is the political element, along with social and economic elements. The politicians are more concerned with order, where they might appoint other leaders to manage social issues and financial issues.

The women, obviously, raise the family, if she has any number of children. Her concern is the social constitution of the family, along with the economics that enable this family to grow. The husband is concerned for the survival of the family in a hostile world and manages not just the political element but also the military elements.

This is just a rough sketch, but it shows how divergent parts play a role with a dominant leadership being necessary for the ordering of the group. In the story of Deborah and Barak, it was a shame that Barak wanted to play "2nd fiddle." God had given him the authority and he passed it on to Deborah. There are other examples.

Men are not to act like women, who have roles that emphasize childbearing and enable the family to prosper. Their job is to supervise, or what I call, make the "final decision." I'm sure this falls short in the biblical description, but it's the best I can do to describe it. It is, in fact, there.

 

[Carry_Your_Name]

I didn't say the husband's *choice* is the "final decision." He may decide to go with the wife's choice because it is wiser and better than his own choice. Besides, the husband wants to please his wife, and will often defer to her *choice. *

I'm saying that just like in any employer/employee job someone has to make the final choice, and it has to be the employer. The employee may have the best choice, and a wise employer will go with that and increase the employee's authority and wage. But the final decision must rest with someone, or there will be endless civil war.

No employer will go with any employee's choice, whether that's the "best choice" or not. An employee is called a "hireling" who doesn't know his master's mind. Besides, I can't imagine choosing and negotiating on every simple matter, that sounds exhausting, we don't have the mental power for that, most of the time we just go on auto-pilot mode, habitually doing what we have been doing.