[__ Prayer __] I gots the paranoia...

[Christ_empowered]

...and other, related "issues." I do take meds. I take 4 Rx meds, every single day (some of them even 2x daily). I live with my people in a very supportive environment (except for the neighbors, lol), and I get to eat nutritious food (I even take supplements). I don't do drugs or drink, and I'm quitting the chain smoking habit as of today.

The problem is...somehow, I got so paranoid that I get stuck in my head. My social isolation doesn't help. Also, I am harassed and given a hassle by my neighbors, so that kinda gets rough, too.

My parents are understanding. I keep the door to my room closed and pray, but they've undoubtedly overheard some of it. They're kind to me and supportive of my efforts to go back to school (I get financial aid, but they provide much needed emotional support).

This just gets rough. I pray and I feel some peace, then...I don't. I take meds, like I wrote above. I have a sedative I can take if it gets rough, but it makes me feel weird. Ugh.

Please pray. Thanks.

 

[Eugene]

:amen

 

[jack K]

Hey CE

Just keep taking your medication and keep following God.
Your concerns and worries are not to big for God, just keep the faith. You are an inspiration after everything you have been through. No matter what you go through, as long as you have God in your life everything will turn out okay.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks, y'all.

I really am mentally ill. This is kind of hard to accept. Sometimes, I question the very existence of mental illness, mostly because of the cruelty shrinks in the past dished out to me. Hmmm...to need psychiatric services, yet to be (understandably) scared of what could happen, because of previous experiences. Fun fun fun. And, of course, I'm not the only one. That homeless, seemingly schizophrenic person? Maybe they need treatment. Maybe they got treatment, and they were labeled a "trouble maker."

You never know.

 

[AirDancer]

If you must label yourself as mentally ill, then use a post-it note for the label! You are a work in progress, and the 'mental illness' is a temporary challenge. Our Lord has brought you to this point, which is quite the distance already! He's not about to abandon you now.

The continued growth in you is, as jack K so aptly stated, an inspiration for those of us who are blessed to 'know' you!

 

[Christ_empowered]

Thanks, everyone. I may delete my post about "trouble makers."

Its like...sometimes, I feel so weirdly raw and vulnerable. Awkward, yes, but it goes deeper than that. It just happened around my parents...they were sweet and got us all some take out BBQ. We ate together in the living room (praise God! usually, they're upstairs), and there was some minor awkwardness, but I think it was in my head. I get the sense that they know I'm different, a work in progress, and right now I need shelter and some attention.

I'm blessed all over. This bipolar or...whatever...is part of my life, but I get the sense that it no longer goes deep to the core of who I am, if that makes sense.

 

[Obadiah]

I remember some of your first posts when you first came to this forum. You've come a long ways since then! There are bound to be setbacks, but remember how far God has brought you so far. Why would He do that just to let you go now? He wouldn't. You may have setbacks like this sometimes, but with God's help, our prayers, and your faith you are going to make it.

 

[Angel]

...and other, related "issues." I do take meds. I take 4 Rx meds, every single day (some of them even 2x daily). I live with my people in a very supportive environment (except for the neighbors, lol), and I get to eat nutritious food (I even take supplements). I don't do drugs or drink, and I'm quitting the chain smoking habit as of today.

The problem is...somehow, I got so paranoid that I get stuck in my head. My social isolation doesn't help. Also, I am harassed and given a hassle by my neighbors, so that kinda gets rough, too.

My parents are understanding. I keep the door to my room closed and pray, but they've undoubtedly overheard some of it. They're kind to me and supportive of my efforts to go back to school (I get financial aid, but they provide much needed emotional support).

This just gets rough. I pray and I feel some peace, then...I don't. I take meds, like I wrote above. I have a sedative I can take if it gets rough, but it makes me feel weird. Ugh.

Please pray. Thanks.

I am so proud of you for quitting chain smoking!!!

(I get paranoid too :D )

 

[jack K]

Hi CE

There are 2 things that my mom taught me and something that I truly believe in.
1. We all have our cross to carry regardless of who you are, everybody's is different. So we all are work in progress and some part of our life needs improvement or lacking whether it been patience or building relationships with family members, disabilities, chronic medication, etc. Nobody can say that every part of their life is perfect or doesn't need improvement. So we are all in the same boat and we just need to follow God and ask God for the strength. Even your previous shrinks needs lots of help. But obstacles do make you stronger and it's for us to find a way to overcome it.
2. When I was younger my mom always told me, God gives you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The very least you can do is give up a hour every Sunday just to give thanks. It's only right.

My life is far from perfect, it's not always visible from the outside. But I try and persevere everyday. It hasn't always been easy and you fall at times but you pick up your cross and you keep going.
You tend to reflect on all the negative things or your past, why don't you write down all the positive things in your life and things you would like to achieve. You cannot dwell on things you cannot change, you must look to the future.
You are on the right track just try to stop looking behind you.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks, jack k. Insightful, as always.

I'm going to college online. The end of the program isn't exactly nigh, but its in sight. That's a blessing. I'm healthy. I'm increasingly normal. My parents and I are getting along well. I'm smart again, which is huge. I write well. I have people who care about me. I prayed for--and am getting--a heart of flesh, not of stone.

A lot of what's swirling around me is lies and a bunch of people who just need a target. It makes them feel better about themselves, plus its the south, so there's some anti-gay stuff and people expect me to "know my place in society." I don't know if its different here, or if people are just more vocal about it.

People can say "he has a felony" all they want to. doesn't make it true. They can say I'm this that and the other thing...doesn't make it true. Increasingly, my parents love me and are supportive of me. Given what I did to them before Jesus saved+changed me, that's a miracle all by itself.

My hair has grown back, which is a miracle. I fried those follicles, lol. I've been made healthy to the point that I have beautiful skin and look noticeably younger than my age, no dermatologist required (which is good, cuz I can't afford one; also, my skin probs went away).

My eyes are bright. I was dead eyed because of the shrinks for a good 4ish years. Now, I'm bright eyed because of Christ.

I live in comfort and safety. I even have little dogs to play with, books to read, school to do, good clothes to wear and good shoes (its The South--the 1st thing anybody looks at is your shoes. Mine are chukka boots, lol).

I gotta develop an attitude of gratitude, I know. I was just praying on that earlier (one plus about being "crazy" is that you have more time for prayer than your average person).

My parents are cooking shrimp for dinner. I'm excited. The shrimp is raw, so I think the kitchen is going to smell off for a lil while, but I'm excited.

Thanks again.