Christ_empowered
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...Praise God!
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[__ Prayer __] I think I'm less paranoid...(kinda long)
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Christ_empowered
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yeah, I had a kinda long post that I then edited down to almost nothing, lol.
seriously: getting better. Seriously: my neighbors are making me mad. I was out on the porch, having a cigarette, listening to Ladytron (gay, I Know). Anyway, there was a slight pause between tracks and, sure enough, the neighbors are at it again. Earlier today, they called me "uppity." Ugh.
I get the sense that my recovery and good health (read: God's work in my life) really angers a lot of the townies. Oh well...
seriously: getting better. Seriously: my neighbors are making me mad. I was out on the porch, having a cigarette, listening to Ladytron (gay, I Know). Anyway, there was a slight pause between tracks and, sure enough, the neighbors are at it again. Earlier today, they called me "uppity." Ugh.
I get the sense that my recovery and good health (read: God's work in my life) really angers a lot of the townies. Oh well...
Mike S
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Don't they have anything else to talk about?
Christ_empowered
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one would think. I think its a status issue...they used to call me "trailer park" this that and the other thing. I mean, I live w/ my parents, but they've "moved up in the world," so its weird, from a sociological perspective.
I dunno what's up with this "uppity" thing. I get the sense that people in this lil town (and the shrinks who helped make me sick, mentally and physically) are kinda angry that I've recovered (mentally and physically, thank God!). So...yeah...social class issues, mental patient stigma, I've been a pariah for a while, "he doesn't know his place in society," blah blah blah. I'm kinda bored by it. Thing is...they keep talking about "warrants," "prison," "felony," etc., so that always gets my attention (been to jail...not my thing...).
Ugh.
I dunno what's up with this "uppity" thing. I get the sense that people in this lil town (and the shrinks who helped make me sick, mentally and physically) are kinda angry that I've recovered (mentally and physically, thank God!). So...yeah...social class issues, mental patient stigma, I've been a pariah for a while, "he doesn't know his place in society," blah blah blah. I'm kinda bored by it. Thing is...they keep talking about "warrants," "prison," "felony," etc., so that always gets my attention (been to jail...not my thing...).
Ugh.
AirDancer
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Something that occurred to me, Christ_empowered : Your neighbors apparently do not realize you are attending university, studying at home.with online classes, and doing quite well.
Could it be possible they think you are free-loading on your parents?
Could it be possible they think you are free-loading on your parents?
Christ_empowered
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Probably, now that I think about it. My parents are more generous than most parents would be in this situation, that's for sure. I don't spend a whole lot...most of what I spend comes from my disability....but my parents are being (and have been) amazingly supportive and kind.
There's also the issue that I dropped out of school at 19. I didn't fail out...but a former counselor told a lot of people I did. I did spend more $$$ back then than I should have, and I'm highly stigmatized. My people have forgiven me (it helps that I get disability and their careers are on a high note, in terms of compensation and status), but the community is most definitely --not-- fond of me. I can't blame them too much, but I do want to be left alone.
There's also the issue that I dropped out of school at 19. I didn't fail out...but a former counselor told a lot of people I did. I did spend more $$$ back then than I should have, and I'm highly stigmatized. My people have forgiven me (it helps that I get disability and their careers are on a high note, in terms of compensation and status), but the community is most definitely --not-- fond of me. I can't blame them too much, but I do want to be left alone.
Christ_empowered
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yeah...true.
I had far worse when I lived in the little apt. over a garage my parents bought for me (and sold recently, praise God!). People would throw stuff at the apt. at night and yell and such...got nerve-wracking.
But, yeah, these neighbors...its rough. They'll yell stuff at me that's straight up false, like "your public defender got you probation" and "them's felony charges!." Not that its their business (nor do they --ask-- me), but my dad hired an attorney who secured a misdemeanor for this whole situation w/ the shrinks. Now, they're back to saying stuff about prison and probation violations and such. It gets...ridiculous. Some of them have been in the yard, at night, on more than 1 occassion. It happened 2x I can think of when my parents were out of town.
Ugh. My friend, Verna, always tells me that they won't lay a hand on me. With people assuming/believing I got a felony, though...I get kinda worried. A lot of this seems to be rooted in control..."know your place in society," etc. I suppose this is the real reason I'm perceived as "uppity" when all I'm doing is going to school online and minding my own business. I'm a low status person in the community (notice: not "member of the community," but "person in the community;" I don't think I'm actually a member of the community at this point), so these people...well, they feel free to harass me as they see/feel fit, its crazy.
Ever read Foucault? If you haven't...don't, lol. Post-modern French philosopher/sort of sociologist. He wrote this book, Abnormal, about how The Other is perceived and treated in modern society. So, some of what I remember of it sticks with me, like how The Other's physical attributes are scrutinized and exaggerrated. People in the community are not scrutinized like I am, nor do people talk about their phsyical attributes like they do mine. I have beautiful hair. I don't know how it happened...God willed that my hair grow back (except for a high forehead+a widow's peak), and its thick, wavy, glossy, and a unique, beautiful color. Big deal, right? Some people have beautiful hair. People go on and on about the hair, how much it must cost, blah blah blah. See what I mean? The Other.
OK. I'm done now.
I had far worse when I lived in the little apt. over a garage my parents bought for me (and sold recently, praise God!). People would throw stuff at the apt. at night and yell and such...got nerve-wracking.
But, yeah, these neighbors...its rough. They'll yell stuff at me that's straight up false, like "your public defender got you probation" and "them's felony charges!." Not that its their business (nor do they --ask-- me), but my dad hired an attorney who secured a misdemeanor for this whole situation w/ the shrinks. Now, they're back to saying stuff about prison and probation violations and such. It gets...ridiculous. Some of them have been in the yard, at night, on more than 1 occassion. It happened 2x I can think of when my parents were out of town.
Ugh. My friend, Verna, always tells me that they won't lay a hand on me. With people assuming/believing I got a felony, though...I get kinda worried. A lot of this seems to be rooted in control..."know your place in society," etc. I suppose this is the real reason I'm perceived as "uppity" when all I'm doing is going to school online and minding my own business. I'm a low status person in the community (notice: not "member of the community," but "person in the community;" I don't think I'm actually a member of the community at this point), so these people...well, they feel free to harass me as they see/feel fit, its crazy.
Ever read Foucault? If you haven't...don't, lol. Post-modern French philosopher/sort of sociologist. He wrote this book, Abnormal, about how The Other is perceived and treated in modern society. So, some of what I remember of it sticks with me, like how The Other's physical attributes are scrutinized and exaggerrated. People in the community are not scrutinized like I am, nor do people talk about their phsyical attributes like they do mine. I have beautiful hair. I don't know how it happened...God willed that my hair grow back (except for a high forehead+a widow's peak), and its thick, wavy, glossy, and a unique, beautiful color. Big deal, right? Some people have beautiful hair. People go on and on about the hair, how much it must cost, blah blah blah. See what I mean? The Other.
OK. I'm done now.
Christ_empowered
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LOL
Christ_empowered
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OK. So, I've gained some weight. I went out to the local QT around 4ish AM (couldn't sleep). Got what I needed, paid the young-ish dude, got change...as I was heading out, he said "see ya later, big boy."
This town is getting under my skin!
This town is getting under my skin!
Christ_empowered
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that's not the issue. The deal is...ugh. I think part of the issue is that I'm suddenly not only --not-- actively mentally ill, I'm more normal. They call it "recovery from treatment" (in my case, heavy shock), but I think its a gift from God. I'm just not as dull and I don't feel like I'm running on auto-pilot. Its --huge-- gift form The Lord, it just takes some getting used to.
People are rude. If I had to work at the QT at those dreadful hours, I might be rude, too.
People are rude. If I had to work at the QT at those dreadful hours, I might be rude, too.
dianegcook
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Maybe it is your neighbors that are crazy, and you are normal!
You sound ok to me.
I wouldn't care what they thought.
Only you and God knows the whole story..
Hang in there, don't pay any attention to them, you are a child of God.
With love....
You sound ok to me.
I wouldn't care what they thought.
Only you and God knows the whole story..
Hang in there, don't pay any attention to them, you are a child of God.
With love....
dianegcook
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Lol
Christ_empowered
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thanks, diane.
Sometimes...well, its strange.Back when I was prematurely aged and geeky, everybody called it a "personality disorder"...and doped me up. Now my people have forgiven me and "moved up in the world." I'm also not prematurely aged, not ugly, and less geeky...so now its either "Bipolar I" or "schizophrenia," depending on who you ask.
Ugh. I'm beginning to wonder if there's even such a thing as mental illness. I mean, yeah; I need meds for the next couple years. I'm cool with that. But is my brain really the problem? Cuz...I had lots of shock treatments. I thought by now they'd have fried the crazy out of there, you know?
Is anyone really permanently Schizophrenic? Sometimes, I think people get sick, and then...well, its like society as a whole helps keep people sick, or at least in the role of "schizophrenic" or whatever. I mean, now that I've been labeled and all...if I were to walk into my shrink's office and say "hey, guess what? I don't think I'm mentally ill w/ diseases XYZ now...isn't that great?," he'd put me in a hospital, asap. What's that about?
I'm rambling.
Sometimes...well, its strange.Back when I was prematurely aged and geeky, everybody called it a "personality disorder"...and doped me up. Now my people have forgiven me and "moved up in the world." I'm also not prematurely aged, not ugly, and less geeky...so now its either "Bipolar I" or "schizophrenia," depending on who you ask.
Ugh. I'm beginning to wonder if there's even such a thing as mental illness. I mean, yeah; I need meds for the next couple years. I'm cool with that. But is my brain really the problem? Cuz...I had lots of shock treatments. I thought by now they'd have fried the crazy out of there, you know?
Is anyone really permanently Schizophrenic? Sometimes, I think people get sick, and then...well, its like society as a whole helps keep people sick, or at least in the role of "schizophrenic" or whatever. I mean, now that I've been labeled and all...if I were to walk into my shrink's office and say "hey, guess what? I don't think I'm mentally ill w/ diseases XYZ now...isn't that great?," he'd put me in a hospital, asap. What's that about?
I'm rambling.
AirDancer
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During the 1970's, the mental health field declared that 10% of the US population was dealing with some form of mental illness. In the 1990's, they said that 25% of the US population had some form of mental illness.
True or false, it did provide job security for those in the mental health field.
So many kids in elementary school are on meds for ADHD and other attention problems. Doctors who take the time to really investigate the causes for attention deficits have found that food allergies are directly related to many attention problems, and once the diet was corrected, the problems faded away.
Again, once someone is labeled with a mental health problem, it provides job security for those in the mental health field.
(I'm not making light of actual mental health issues....there are some that do indeed exist.)
True or false, it did provide job security for those in the mental health field.
So many kids in elementary school are on meds for ADHD and other attention problems. Doctors who take the time to really investigate the causes for attention deficits have found that food allergies are directly related to many attention problems, and once the diet was corrected, the problems faded away.
Again, once someone is labeled with a mental health problem, it provides job security for those in the mental health field.
(I'm not making light of actual mental health issues....there are some that do indeed exist.)
Christ_empowered
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yeah, mental health problems ("madness," as I like to call it) do exist but...sometimes, I think Mental Health, Inc. just won't let people truly recover and won't let us --go--, either.
Today was better. The neighbors gave me a hassle for a while, or tried to. I had mah mp3 player in, but one of the ear buds fell out (oh no!), so I heard them yelling some stuff. Big deal. I really am getting over it, I think. They can say whatever, but...thanks to Christ, I have hope+a future. Actually...thanks to Christ, I'm --alive--, which really wasn't expected ("dead by 23!"...I'm now 31, thanks).
My big concern w/ people believing/assuming I have a felony is how I'll be treated. Then again...I live in a nice house with people who love me (yes, the 'rents). I pled guilty to a misdemeanor. I get along well with most people, including my Probation Officer. I do think some of it is also pride and self-love, and I've been praying on that, trust me.
My parents came home tired, but in a good mood. We talk about stuff now, lil convos that make me happy . My work at school is going well. I got 50/50 on a written assignment and some very positive written feedback. The more I think about it, the more I realize that my "problems" pale in comparison to what a lot of people contend with, and are definitely less serious than what I dealt with in years past.
Today was better. The neighbors gave me a hassle for a while, or tried to. I had mah mp3 player in, but one of the ear buds fell out (oh no!), so I heard them yelling some stuff. Big deal. I really am getting over it, I think. They can say whatever, but...thanks to Christ, I have hope+a future. Actually...thanks to Christ, I'm --alive--, which really wasn't expected ("dead by 23!"...I'm now 31, thanks).
My big concern w/ people believing/assuming I have a felony is how I'll be treated. Then again...I live in a nice house with people who love me (yes, the 'rents). I pled guilty to a misdemeanor. I get along well with most people, including my Probation Officer. I do think some of it is also pride and self-love, and I've been praying on that, trust me.
My parents came home tired, but in a good mood. We talk about stuff now, lil convos that make me happy
. My work at school is going well. I got 50/50 on a written assignment and some very positive written feedback. The more I think about it, the more I realize that my "problems" pale in comparison to what a lot of people contend with, and are definitely less serious than what I dealt with in years past. 
